Greg Behrendt - How to Keep Your Marriage From Sucking: The Keys to Keep Your Wedlock Out of Deadlock

PRAISE FOR
ITS CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE ITS BROKEN

The Smart Girls Break-Up Buddy

You will get through this, and youll do it faster with the help of Its Called a Breakup Because Its Broken .

Glamour

Behrendts franknessnever too harshis as winning as ever.

Publishers Weekly

Insightful, been-there-have-the-scars-to-prove-it wisdom.

New York Post

PRAISE FOR ITS JUST A F***ING DATE

Some Sort of Book About Dating

The book is jam-packed with straight-talking tips on how to bag your man, and quite frankly, we cant put it down.

The Sun

PRAISE FOR HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

No ego-soothing platitudes. No pop psychology. No cute relationship tricks. Hes just not that into you.

Washington Post

Brims with straight talk about the boy-meets-girl game, delivered with hefty doses of humor from the Y chromosomes mouth.

USA Today

A surprisingly fascinating addition to the cultural canon of single, urban life.

Los Angeles Times

Evil genius.

New York Times

Also by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola

Its Called a Breakup Because Its Broken

The Smart Girls Break-Up Buddy

Its Just a F***ing Date

Some Sort of Book About Dating

Also by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

Hes Just Not That Into You

The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Diversion Books

A Division of Diversion Publishing Corp.

443 Park Avenue South, Suite 1004

New York, NY 10016

www.diversionbooks.com

Copyright 2018 by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

For more information, email

First Diversion Books edition July 2018.

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-63576-387-4

eBook ISBN: 978-1-63576-386-7

Printed in the U.S.A.

SDB/1807

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

For the brave, beautiful, and gutsy lovers
that know adversity is no match for true love
(and that marriage can be really fucking hard).

W E HAVE TRIED TO write this book for the last three years and have failed repeatedly. The first writing of it coincided with a particularly dark period of our marriage where we were on the verge of splitting up and were desperately searching to find the love we had for each other. The second time we tried writing it we were in a much better place as a couple, but then Greg was diagnosed with lymphoma, and we put down the book and concentrated on his treatment and wellness. Thankfully, with the help of some fantastic doctors and surgeons, Gregs health improved, and he became cancer-free. At the time, we didnt think about picking back up on writing this book. It felt like the book just didnt want to be born after that, and so much time had passed already that we just had lost our mojo for it.

But then some of our friends split up. Marriages that we had admired had crumbled and left loved ones dealing with the horrific wreckage, and some truly interesting revelations came to light during those friends breakups. A few of our friends, once they had some distance from their dissolved marriages, had begun their new lives. Some were dating, some were just dealing with coparenting with their ex, and some had sworn off relationships altogether. But all had done a fair amount of soul searching and had come to interesting realizations.

Two recurring themes brought us back to wanting to write this book. The first was that, had those friends known how hard it was to be single again, they would have tried harder to stay married. The second was that, if they had to do it all over again, they probably would have made the same choice of spouse but just done it all differently.

So, the third time being the charm, we dove back into the idea of How to Keep Your Marriage from Sucking with the additional approach of wanting to fully understand how our choices in the early years of our relationship trigger long-term behaviors that can be a one-way ticket to Suckville. Starting at the beginning of our relationship, weve worked our way through all the things that have bitten us in the ass as a couple and have made a suggestive road map for you to consider as you build your own hopefully suck-free marriage.

GREGS INTRO

When you pick up a book about marriage, you assume that the author has cracked the code, found the solution, and holds the key to marital bliss. But this is not a Weve done it right so follow our lead type of book. That would be disingenuous and a little sanctimonious. (By the way, if that book exists, please pass it on.)

My marriage to Amiira has been beautiful, but it hasat timesdownright sucked ass. Weve made mistakes with money, property, and time. Weve spent years not understanding each other while also being celebrated for understanding each other, and weve gone through periods without sex and without work. Weve dealt with mental illness, addiction, rage, age, losing family members, and wrinkles, and that was just last week ( ba-dum-dum! ).

But weve also been very happy, proud, and in love with one another. We have fought demons and sadness side by side, even when we werent side by side. Weve known great joy and laughed probably more than we are supposed to. Weve known success that came from our love for one another and success due to our own individual creativity. Weve raised two kind, funny, considerate, beautiful girls who seem to like themselves and are the center of our known universe.

This book is not just for people who are already married but for people who are considering it as well. Though we are writing this book as a straight couple, we believe that this book can be appreciated, loved, and/or hated by anyone whos entered into the bonds of terminal togetherness because we are all still humans reacting to each other and having a human experience. We support all marriagesgay, straight, or otherwiseand we are all about you getting the best out of your life.

What this book does is shed some light on what a marriage is or can be. Hopefully, it can help you avoid some of the dark places weve been to, or at least learn to deal with them when they happen. Just know that you are not alone in this thing called marriage.

Youve got your person, and youve got us.

AMIIRAS INTRO

It all starts out looking like youre going to beat the odds. Youre in love, youre an extension of each other, youre completely in sync, youre the envy of all the (secretly sad) single people you both know, and youre crazy close to your goal weight. Youre winning at life and love because life is love, and YOURE IN LOVE!! You cant even foresee a time when you might feel differently about your amazing soul mate because they are the perfect match for you. The yin to your yang, the pea to your pod, the lid to your pot, the whatevs to your whatever.