Charmaine L. Ciardi - The Magic of Grandparenting: Practical Tips for Building the Bond Between Grandparents and Grandchildren

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Contents

1. Once Upon a Time:
Discovering the Magic in a Grandparenting Relationship

2. Follow the Yellow Brick Road:
Grandparenting Offers a Brand-New Adventure

3. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall:
Reflecting the Best in Our Grandchildren

4. Geppetto Loved His Boy:
Helping Grandchildren Feel Secure

5. Wicked Stepmothers, Ogres, and Crones:
Finding the Best Role in a Changing Family

6. God Bless You, Tiny Tim:
Grandparenting for Special Needs

7. Electric Granny Stays Plugged In:
Grandparenting over Long Distances

8. Wise Owls Foresight Was in Demand:
Putting Grandparenting Experience to Work

9. A Very Merry Unbirthday:
Celebrating Occasions Great and Small

10. Happily Ever After:
Carrying Our Heritage into the Future

In celebration of our families,

who continue to give both

meaning and magic to life.

Foreword

For countless adults some of their most treasured childhood memories are of experiences shared with a grandparent. In recent years I have made it a habit to ask people about their grandparents. Almost universally, before they even begin to respond with words, a broad smile comes across their faces. Thats the magic of grandparenting. It is a legacy of the best kind of love because it is given with little, if any, thought to what the giver will get in return.

The stories these adults go on to tell are always filled with great emotion and high drama, in spite of the fact that the stuff of the story may be as simple as a box of buttons, a longed-for doll or truck, a favorite story read till the books pages became tattered, or a peanut butter and jelly sandwichyou wouldnt believe the number of ways a grandparent can turn peanut butter and jelly into gourmet fare. The point is that to a child the common, ordinary events of life become special when they come with the wholehearted love and attention of an adult who for that moment has given herself completely to that child. That is the essence of grandparenting.

It is fitting that this book is being published in 1995 because on October 14, 1994, the President of the United States signed into law Senate Joint Resolution 198, designating 1995 the Year of the Grandparent. This resolution calls upon the people of the United States to observe the year with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities. What better way to be a part of this grand year dedicated to grandparents than with the publication of this very special book.

So what of grandparenting in the 90s and beyond? First of all, there are over sixty million grandparents in the United States today, representing more than thirty-one percent of the U.S. adult population. By the year 2000 that number will swell to sixty-nine million, with the largest growtha thirty-three percent increasecoming from adults who will be between the ages of 45 and 59. This tremendous growth spurt is being fueled by the aging of the baby boom generation, which begins to turn 50 in 1996, and by the fact that the average woman becomes a first-time grandmother between the ages of 45 and 50. Therefore, the influence of grandparents today and into the future is consequentialbaby boomers have influenced every stage of life through which they have moved. So what shall we expect from and to what shall we exhort this grand group of mature Americans in their role as grandparents?

First of all, the image of grandparents is changing and will continue to change. No longer do the people in the picture have only white hair, conservative clothes, and objects from the home in their hands. The reality has been changing gradually, but as a society we are reluctant to let go of our stereotypical images. Indeed, grandparents and grandparenting has changed over the last thirty years just as Americas families have changed.

Few would deny that these changes have often put families under severe stress, whether it be economic, social, or personal. Support systems taken for granted only a generation agoschool, church, community, and extended familyare no longer as readily available to help parents raise their children. But its not all gloom and doom. In fact, there is so much that is good going on among grandparents and their families that we decided back in 1992 to form an organization whose mission would be to recognize and reward grandparents and to celebrate grandparenting. That organization, Caring Grandparents of America (CGA), is over 300,000 strong and growing.

There is an ancient Chinese proverb that says: The greatest gifts a parent can bestow upon a child are roots and wings. CGA promotes a partnership between parents and grandparents for the purpose of deepening every childs roots and strengthening every childs wings so that he or she may soar into adulthood with a glad heart and a confident spirit. How can this be accomplished? Through understanding and sharing among the generations.

This is what The Magic of Grandparenting is all about. The book doesnt shy away from the changes that have occurred since todays grandparents were parenting, but it inspires them to hold on to the best of the past and enrich their new families with all the specialness that only grandparents can bring to a family and to grandchildren. We see from the anecdotes liberally sprinkled throughout the text that the smallest incidents can and still do make the greatest impressions. This book is a celebration of the unique role of grandparents in the family, and it encourages grandparents to keep up the good work and to find ways to adapt time-honored traditions to the complexities of todays familiesand to remember that truly the best gift they can give to their grandchildren is the gift of themselves.

The authors of The Magic of Grandparenting each bring a special approach to the subject of grandparenting. Charmaine Ciardi brings experiences both from a rich family life and from her work as a professional dealing with family relationships. Love is always visible in the professional advice and counseling she gives to so many and in the column she writes for Grandparent Times, the signature publication of Caring Grandparents of America. Cathy Orme and Carolyn Quatrano, writers, editors, and moms, each have taken a special interest in grandparenting based on their own experiences with grandparents and grandchildren. Their sensitivity to the importance of this relationship to children shines through.

It is my pleasure to be a part of bringing this unique story about the magic of grandparenting to families everywhere.

Cathryn C. Girard

Founder and President,

Caring Grandparents of America

Acknowledgments

The authors wish to thank all of those who so generously shared their grandparent stories with us. Although only some of these memories are quoted in the text, all of them influenced the tone and direction of the book.

Introduction

Nana, Grampy, Bubbie, Verade, Mimi, Poppieno matter what were called, grandparents are special. Grandparents come in all sizes, shapes, and colors and share many differences in ideas, politics, religions, customs, and traditions. Grandparents are definitely not a predictable class of people acting out a ritual role. Grandparental unity comes from a dream we all share: that our children and grandchildren live full, happy, and productive lives.