Jane Matthews - Losing a Pet: coping with the death of your beloved animal

WHAT READERS SAY

From the practicalities, right through tothe profound emotional impact that losing a beloved companion canhave on us, Jane shows such empathy and insight into every aspectof pet loss. I will be recommending this book to all of ourclients.Ally Todd-McCabe, Pet Funeral Director, TrustedFriends

I lost my cat companion of 12 yearsyesterday in an emotional farewell at the vets. Reading your booktoday has helped me greatly, helped me to normalise what I amexperiencing and brought me a great deal of ease at a time where myheart feels broken.Phil

Your book gave me permission to feel whatI was feeling, including the numbness, which was very unnerving andguilt-inducing until I read your book.Donna

I was given this book in 2010 by a petcrematorium where I had taken my dearly beloved dog of ten years. Iwas heartbroken at the time, but those around me, as do many who donot have animals, carried on rather normally - this book brought methe comfort when they could not. I have since bought this book forfriends who have lost their pets, and each one of them has said ithas helped them and they wish they knew about it before.Ripley

First published in Great Britain in 2007 bysmall books

This revised and updated edition published in2019

The moral right of the author has beenasserted.

All rights reserved. No part of thispublication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, ortransmitted, in any form, or by any means, without the priorpermission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulatedin any form of binding or cover other than that in which it ispublished and without a similar condition including this conditionbeing imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this book isavailable from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-9556643-2-8

Front cover picture: Me and my dog byTimmy_L

Original at https://www.flickr.com/photos/50732955@N00/

Amended and used under CCAttribution 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

small books

21 Station Terrace

Great Linford

Milton Keynes MK14 5AP

About the author

Jane Matthews writes books and leadsworkshops on living more authentically, creating betterrelationships, building self-esteem and healing from the past. Herlatest titles include The Carers Handbook (3rdedition, Robinson 2019), and Have the Best Year of Your Life(o books 2010).

Jane is an accredited teacher of Louise HaysHeal Your Life programmes and has been leading workshopsand working with individuals since 2006. She works in both the UKand on behalf of Serenity Retreat ( www.serenityretreat.co.uk )in Greece.

She has worked as a features journalist onlocal, national and specialist titles, winning awards for campaignson homelessness and social justice.

DEDICATION

For Amy and Paul, who have shared with me the joyour beloved pets bring into our homes and lives.

Paul and Twiglet

Livingwith a Pet

Our pets are what turn our houses intohomes.

Whenever Ive been away, whether its for afew hours or for a long holiday, its my cats I look forward toseeing again; more than the bricks and mortar, or the garden or theletters on the mat.

At the end of the day, when I collapse in thechair with a cup of tea and my thoughts, its my pets I wantalongside: easy, companionable, happy to let me be me.

And when Im upset, its they whoinstinctively know to come and offer comfort and quiet company.

AN OPEN HEART IS A VULNERABLE HEART

But the moment we choose to keep a pet wemake ourselves vulnerable by laying our hearts on the line. Even ifour cat or dog or pony or rabbit lives to an old age then thechances are well still live longer.

Sadly, many of them dont live out their fulllifespan, but are taken early from us by illness, or in accidents.Or they simply disappear and we never know where or why.

We know our pets are not people, but thatdoesnt stop our hearts breaking when we lose them.

Losing a pet can be every bit as devastating,every bit as traumatic, as any other bereavement.

SUFFERING IN SILENCE

Because such losses are rarely written ortalked about, we are often unsure whether to share them, nottrusting others to understand the depth of our pain. Instead, wesuffer in silence.

The one thing in our life that has alwaysbeen there for us when we are grieving is the very reason we areinconsolable. Without any obvious outlet for our pain, it can feelas if it is almost too much to bear.

The hardest part for me was knowing thatothers wouldnt understand. I knew people would be thinking itsjust a rabbit so to think I was grieving so heavily would seemridiculous to some. It made it harder for me to address the griefaround others, which contributed to why I grieved for such a longtime.Sally

A TALE OF FIVE CATS

Most animal lovers suspect that it is theirpets who chose them rather than the other way around. That wascertainly true for us when one Saturday morning someone rang thedoorbell and ran away.

The doormat wasnt quite empty. There at ourfeet was a battered cardboard box and nestled inside were a mothercat and her four kittens.

The mother was a shorthaired tabby, painfullythin. Her eyes looked hollow and sad - in contrast to her kittens,whose eyes were still tightly shut to this new world theydsuddenly arrived in.

Two of the kittens were long-haired tabbies,sooty furballs curled into each other. The third had short hairlike its mother, only several shades of smoke lighter. The fourthkitten was the colour of an apricot, its long hair curling from itssoft belly. To this day we have no idea who brought the cats, norwhy they chose our entirely ordinary, terraced house.

But what a wonderful favour they did us.

Princess named by the children and hersmall brood dug themselves into the house, into the furniture, andinto our hearts.

By the time two months had passed and, withit, the date the RSPCA told us the kittens would be weaned and theycould take them off our hands, we were besotted and determined tofind a way of ensuring we could still see the little creatures whohad snuffled, poked and purred their way into our lives.

The little apricot cat, now called Marmalade,went to our babysitter, while the light tabby, whod inherited hismothers watchful eyes, went to an uncle who named him Scrumpy.

We called the two long-haired kittens Pocketand Tails and found a willing home for the male, Tails, with anaunt. Pocket, we decided, should stay with her mother and withus.

LOVE AND LOSS

Just like your pets, ours brought us so muchjoy, fun and loving companionship over the years. They were part ofthe family and so, so easy to love and enjoy.

When my uncle died, it was an obvious thingto do to bring home again the little tabby wed boarded out to him.Scrumpy may not have been a favourite with his mother and sister,who clearly resented having to share us with an interloper, but weloved having him back in the family fold.

Thirteen years have passed since theyarrived. Two years ago we lost Princess, most likely to a car. Shemanaged to make it home but died of internal injuries according tothe vet.

And now Pocket has joined her. Our dear,irrepressible Pocket, so full of character and love it seemed sucha small body could hardly contain all that living.