Ronald Mah - All Relationships and Therapy are Multi-Cultural- Family and Cross-Cultural Complications

All Relationships andTherapy are Multi-Cultural

Family and Cross-CulturalComplications

Published by Ronald Mah atSmashwords

Copyright 2014 RonaldMah

Ronald Mah's website- www.ronaldmah.com

Smashwords Edition, LicenseNotes

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Abstract:

T hetherapist must conduct therapy as inherently cross-cultural andmulti-cultural, not only between and among clients but also betweenthe therapist and clients. Cross-cultural or multi-culturalperspectives are not an occasionally helpful or enriching tool intherapy, but a, if not the primary assessment and treatmentstrategy for effective interventions. Family-of-origin experiencesare comparably compelling to functioning and relationships asculturally-based experiences that can cause matched and mismatcheddynamics that can complicate and harm intimacy and harmony. Thereare important problematic approaches to cross-cultural conflictsthat the therapist should avoid, including knowledge approachesthat overwhelm the therapist. In addition, a practical approachwill be presented that facilitates connection and intimacy, whileaddressing the client expressed therapeutic roadblocks of culturaldeterminism and cultural relativism: "I have to," and "You don'tunderstand."

T herapy can be mismanaged with clients who appear to haveidentical demographics, who nevertheless present significantlydifferent attitudes, values, and behaviors based on familyexperiences comparable to cultural modeling. The harm of dismissaland disconnection from some universalistic approach to diversity("I see you as an individual. I don't see color or differences")are examined as existential annihilation counter-indicative to goodtherapy. The therapist is guided how to adapt clinical strategiesto fit the cultural styles of clients. In the challenging but notuncommon situation, when the therapist is not familiar withclient's cultural background, the therapist will be directed toeffective therapeutic strategies using expression areas of culturaldifferences.

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Linked Table of Contents

AFFECTIONATE TOUCH

OPEN VERBAL COMMUNICATION (Direct vs.Indirect Communication)

PRAISE VS. PUNISHMENT

TIME

RECIPROCITY AND ACCESS

CONFRONTATION

POWER AND CONTROL

BOUNDARIES AND ABUSE

FAMILY-SOCIO-ECONOMIC UNIT FORSURVIVAL

INDIVIDUAL VS. GROUP

GENDER ROLES- Gifts or Messages ofWorth

GENDER ROLES- Intimacy &Problem-Solving

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** A uthor's Note: Other than publicfigures or people identified in the media, all other persons inthis book are either composites of individuals the author hasworked with and/or have been given different names and had theirpersonal identifying information altered to protect and respecttheir confidentiality.

Introduction: INHERENTLYCROSS-CULTURAL and MULTI-CULTURAL

O neis and the other is something else. Perhaps, one or the other isurban, rural, Jewish, Turkish, British, immigrant, migrant, gay,Mexican, black, Greek Orthodox, straight, Catholic, Moslem, Saudi,Ukrainian, devoutly religious, casually religious, professional,aristocratic, white, Japanese, American, Protestant, secularhumanist, Christian, refugee, immigrant, Native-American,Californian, New Yorker, Jew, Israeli, male, female, Hispanic,Cambodian, San Franciscan, Turkish, or is two or more of these.Sometimes, there are obviously differences between two individuals.For example there is Adit and Helena, one individual is male,Saudi, a casual Moslem, and from aristocratic money, while other isfemale Ukrainian, Catholic, and from a professional family. Thereseems to be an obvious need to consider multi-cultural andcross-cultural perspectives in their therapy. How do they talk?What do they expect? How do they communicate? How do they play?Will a pair such as Adit and Helena end up with majorcross-cultural problems as their rules and expectations in anintimate relationship are out of sync? Metaphorically, might one ofthem be playing by the values and rules of tetherball with theother playing with the expectations and behavior of Pictionary!?That seems to imply that the "game" or the relationship isinherently unplayable or doomed to failure. Yet, the game ofrelationship or of relating can have universalities among differentcultures and between two demographically mismatched individuals.Successful, productive, and/or intimate dynamics have quite oftenresulted from ethically, racially, religiously, economically, andother mismatched couples or relationships. Much like gin andmahjong or water polo and soccer or the board games of Westernchess and Japanese go or other culturally different games, therecan be numerous similarities and commonalities between or among twoor more individuals from various cultures. While two individualsmay have different playing styles and levels of skill, the rules ofchess remain the same. Invested individuals often can figure outhow to make the relationship work, and develop a new mutuallyhonored and shared set of values, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior.Might the rules of relationship also hold major similarities-virtually universal requirements that form the foundation for thenew relating culture?

O n the other hand, there are two individuals to the naked eyethat appear to be essentially from the same background andpractically speaking with negative dynamic resulting in majorrelationship problems. For example there is Hannah and Petey, whoare both white middle-class Anglo-Saxon Protestant. While sharingmajor commonalities, there are also major distinctions in each oftheir make-ups beyond male-female values and behaviors notobviously apparent to someone else. Their relationship "game" mayhave major stylistic conflicts and the mutual goals of intimacy andharmony may not be achieved. Beyond their shared demographicexperiences, where did they learn their respective relationshipgame rules? They ostensively appear to claim and share the sameexpectations but somehow their collaborative intimacy game goesawry. Rather than partnered teammates striving for mutual goalsagainst common obstacles and enemies in some video game or athree-legged race challenge, they end up frustrating each other!There may be two others, who while sharing the same sex, theyoperate from mismatched gender models. That could be two men in awork or team sports situation, one of which abhors showingsensitivity or vulnerability working with another man much morewilling to be emotionally open and available. Or, women inacademic, vocational, or social communities manifesting leadershipwith contrasting styles: one more extroverted and assertive and theother more collaborative and supportive in the background. It couldbe two gay men or two lesbians with models of same-sex intimacythat are out of sync. Multi-cultural and cross-cultural assessmentand strategies may prove highly advantageous to therapy despiteapparent demographic matches. One is an individual and the other isthe person he or she is in a relationship with as a colleague atwork, school, or athletics, or in a couple, or family. Or, perhapsone of the people in the relationship is a client and the other isthe therapist. What is the "therapy game" of the therapist?Multi-cultural and cross-cultural issues, match, and mismatch maybe as important between the therapist and clients- perhaps, morevital as between or among individuals seeking help. Therefore, allrelationship and therapy may be inherently multi-cultural andcross-cultural.

W hen individuals, couples, or families come to therapy, theymay present a single presenting issue or a single situation, task,or problem to address. However, often what appears to be a singledifficult decision issue is often entangled in much more."Entangled in the overtly expressed decision issue may be the factthat the individual, one or both partners, or family member isfighting to maintain self-esteem. Or it may be that the issue atthe focus is linked to broad power battles in a relationship, thecouple, or family. There are battles that are present on manydifferent issues. It may be that the individual or the couplediffers culturally, and the one issue of disagreement is linked tobroad cultural differences, for example, what is appropriate forwomen and men in their two cultures, or differing culturalunderstandings of loyalty to family of origin" (page 203,Rosenblatt and Rieks, 2009). One individual, partners, or familymembers may present a problem and seek the therapist to sit injudgment and pick out the wisdom (and stupidity!) between them.When the therapist works with couples or families, they take careto not choose one individual's perspective over the others. Thetherapist may be well advised in individual therapy to beappropriately skeptical of the individual's rendition ofrelationship woes as well. The other individual or persons notphysically present in session being described may havediametrically opposed interpretations of relationship experiencesand dynamics. The therapist nevertheless tries to find validityfrom the existential reality of each individual. It is assumed thateach individual, both partners, and different family members'perspectives have validity. That while they have differences, theyalso often have similar underlying needs. Accepting the two or moreways of interpreting the same life, experiences, and communicationseventually lead to third or alternative and potentially morefunctional ways interpretations.