Norine Dresser - Come as You Arent!: Feeling at Home with Multicultural Celebrations

COME AS
YOU ARENT!

Also by Norine Dresser

Multicultural Manners: Essential Rules of Etiquette for the 21st Century

I Felt Like I Was from Another Planet: Writing from Personal Experience

Our Own Stories: Readings for Cross-cultural Communication

Our Own Journeys: Readings for Cross-cultural Communication

American Vampires: Fans, Victims & Practitioners

COME AS
YOU ARENT!

Feeling at Home with
Multicultural Celebrations

Norine Dresser

Copyright 1999, 2006 by Norine Dresser

First M. Evans edition 2006

This M. Evans paperback edition of Come as You Arent! is an original publication. It is published by arrangement with the author.

Portions of Part Two of this book appeared in Multicultural Celebrations, published by Three Rivers Press, a Division of Random House, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

Published by M. Evans

An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

Distributed by NATIONAL BOOK NETWORK

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Dresser, Norine.

Come as you arent!: feeling at home with multicultural celebrations Norine Dresser.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

1. EtiquetteUnited States. 2. Holidays. 3. MulticulturalismUnited States. I. Title.

BJ1824.D74 2005

395dc22 2005012049

ISBN-10: 1-59077-093-5

ISBN-13: 978-1-59077-093-1

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

For Harold.

Despite 54 years of marriage, you still ask,

But will it last?

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My favorite part of writing is the research. Hunting for data on the computer or digging through volumes at the library is captivating. However, what exhilarates me most is that candid moment when a human being opens up to me. The names that follow are those I spoke with who energized me by providing information, sharing customs, or leading me to others. You spurred me on to completion of this project. Thank you for your generous contributions.

Victor Agbo; Shahriar Ahmed; Chris Aihara, Director of Community Programs, Japanese American Cultural Community Center; Kristine Alvarez; Barry J. Ancelet, Ph.D; Ruth E. Andersen, Ph.D.; Lenny Arkans; Lynn Ballin; Robin Baltic; George Bamber; David and Marge Barg; Debbie Bellon, Armine Berberian; Ramaa Bharadvaj; Bruce T. Bliatout, Ph.D.; Nancy Blumstein, M.D.; Rebecca Blustein; Rabbi Daniel Bouskila, Sephardic Temple Tifereth Israel; Ann Bradley; Ann Brenoff, Dwan Bridges, Ph.D.; Mogus and Dereju Brook; Vanessa Brown; Heather Bryan; Marvin Call, M.D.; Norma E. Cant, Ph.D.; Rabbi Carie Carter, Park Slope Jewish Center; Seora Berta Castillo de Torres; Suellen Cheng, Curator, Chinese American Museum; Soo-Young Chin, Ph.D.; Tenzing Chonden, Friends of Tibet; Diane Cohen; Carolyn Cole, Project Director, Shades of L.A.; Jeanne Crdova; Mrs. Dawa; Minister Deb; Luisa Del Giudice, Ph.D.; Ann Del Signore; Kieran Devane; James R. Dow, Ph.D.; Yossi Edelstein, M.D.; Rabbi Lisa Edwards, Congregation Beth Chayim Chadashim; Lucy Eisen; Claire Farrer, Ph.D.; Joseph F. Fennelly, M.D.; Heng Foong, Project Director, Pacific Island Asian Language Services; Terry L. Garlock, Million Gebreyesus; Clarice Gillis; Mary Georges; Mikka Gutierrez; Alan Hedman, Ph.D.; Kimberly Hemmingson; Kimberly Hughes; Debbie Henderson, Friends of Children from China; Lin and Merrit Humphrey; Gianna E. Israel; Athina Kenekeo; Mary Mom Keo; Anne Marie Khalsa, M.D.; Margaret Kim; Sojin Kim, Ph.D.; Mark Kingsdorf, Queen of Hearts Wedding Consultants; Julie Kirkpatrick; Pastor David L. Kreuger-Duncan, Northwest Community Church, Las Vegas; Tracey Kumer-Moore; Rev. Masao Kodani, Senshin Buddhist Temple; Sokunthear Kong; Provost Donald B. Kraybill, Ph.D., Messiah College; Cecilia Ledezma; Pat Luce, Director, Samoan Affairs Central Region; Ellen Mark, Levy Sephardic Library; Quinn McDonald; Riem Men, Southeast Asian Health Project; Doug Metz, Mortuary Science, Cerritos Community College; Teferi Michael; Ann Milton; Chanida Mumanachit, Tourism Authority of Thailand; Louis Negrete, Ph.D.; John B. Niazi; Richard J. Nitti, Executive Director, Neighborhood House, Inc.; Clarice W. Nuhi; Jon Olson, Ph.D.; Natalie Olson; Tracie Owens; Jane Kaala Pang, Hawaiian Civic Club; Nina Phan; Florence Pou, Samoan Community Center; Ruth Polan; Harihar Rao; Reverend Tonyia Rawls, Unity Fellowship of Christ Church; Cheryl Revkin, D.C.: Robert A. Ringler, Ph.D.; Donna Devera Rojas; Eddard Romero; Rebecca Rona, Together; Saint Sophia Cathedral, Los Angeles; Arpi Sarafian, Ph.D; Jeannie Shade, R.N.; Amir Sharafi; Nancy K. Shimamoto, Hispanic & Asian Marketing Communication Research, Inc.; Venerable Kong Sophan Wat Khmer Temple, Los Angeles; Sherry Skramstad; Connie Spittler; Hany Takla, President, St. Shenouda The Archimandrite Coptic Society; Father Tom Stehle; Theresa Sterling; Rabbi Stephen Stern, Arden Heights Boulevard Jewish Center and Congregation Etz Chaim; Frances Tally, Ph.D., UCLA Archive of Popular Belief and Superstition; Judith Terzi; Waraporn Tiaprasith; Barre Toelken, Ph.D.; Mara Torres; Chue Vang; Veronica Vera, Miss Veras Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls; Bibian Vosgien; Mary G. Wentz; Anne G. Wilcoxen, Ph.D., Director, Center for Cultural Fluency, Mount St. Marys College; Marshall Wong, Los Angeles County Department of Human Relations; Patchara and Vibul Wonprasat, Thai Community Arts and Cultural Center; Jack Yaffe; Gerald D. Yoshitomi, Ph.D.; Jeanne Youngson, Ph.D.; Mai Xiong; Arina Zahid; Fahimeh Zand.

Hats off to the reference desk staffs at the Glendale and Pasadena Public Libraries, who attentively and enthusiastically answered my countless phone queries. My appreciation also goes to Mary MacGregor Villareal, Ph.D., who did a bang-up job of early research.

I wish to acknowledge my dear friends. First are those who pondered with me throughout the process and answered urgent questions: Janice Garey; Rachel Spector; Jan Steward; Lucia Van Ruiten; Dolores Wong. Next come my eagle-eyed cronies who gave the manuscript thoughtful readings and helped me solved dilemmas: Virginia Crane; Marilyn Elkins, Ph.D.; Montserrat Fontes. Im blessed to have such loyal and talented friends. You are amigas fantsticas!

My New York team was invaluable as wellagent consigliere Sheree Bykofsky and especially editor PJ Dempsey, my guiding light and good friend, who believed in me and enlivened the writing process by sending me daily doses of e-mail humor.

A special note of thanks to my long time buddy Julie Benton Siegel, self-proclaimed Winner of the Nobel Puns Prize, for her contributions of the titles Come As You Arent!, Ethnice-ities, and The Rites and Wrongs of Multicultural Celebrations. Nonetheless, I regret scuttling her provocative interfaith marriage title: When Hansel Met Shtetl: A Mixed Marriage Mishigas.

Finally, I recognize my outstanding family who constantly supply me with leads and support: my children, Mark, Andrea, Amy; my favorite daughter-in-law, Carol; grandkids, Leila Sharafi, Zach and Avi Berk, Isa Del Signore Dresser; plus Mickey Shapiro, the best of brothers.