La Toya Jackson - Starting Over

STARTING OVER

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Copyright 2011 by Ja-Tail Publishing Company

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First Gallery Books hardcover edition June 2011

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Designed by Jaime Putorti

Photo insert credits:
insert (top): Retna
insert (bottom): Corbis Images
insert : Harrison Funk/Ja-Tail Enterprises
All other photos courtesy of Ja-Tail Enterprises

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Jackson, La Toya.

Starting over / by La Toya Jackson with Jeffr Phillips.1st Gallery Books hardcover ed.

p. cm.

1. Jackson, La Toya. 2. SingersUnited StatesBiography. I. Phillips, Jeffr. II. Title.

ML420.J16A3 2011

782.42166092dc22

ISBN 978-1-4516-2058-0
ISBN 978-1-4516-2060-3 (ebook)

I dedicate this book to my brother Michael:
I love you with all my heart, I felt your pain, and I lived your pain.

Michael, you are the epitome of Godliness. You have been an inspiration to us all. You have taught us all so much by your kindness, your actions, and your love for mankind. You cared tremendously for those who were sick, spending so much of your personal time with them just to put smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. Your many contributions to so many charities throughout the world have helped provide those less fortunate with food, clothing, shelter, and life-saving medicine. Your stardom was so profound and so overwhelming, and your incredible talent brought us all joy and left a mark on this earth. You are truly a prime example to the world of what Godliness is like. We can all take a lesson out of your book of love and become a better person. You were so gifted, yet very humble. With all your accolades and accomplishments, you still remained humble. People took advantage of you, and you knew you were in danger, yet you continued to remain humble. Michael, every human being on this earth should learn from you. You only wanted to give us love and light.

I love you for your soul and Godliness!
I love you for being you!
I love you!

La Toya

I dedicate this book to anyone who has suffered any type of abuse in any form, be it mental, verbal, or physical. One strike is one too many. Stand up for yourself and your loved ones, and walk away.
ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO START OVER.

I would very much like to thank the fans for their undying love and continuous support. I want you to know that Michael loved you more than anything else outside of his family. You guys gave him life. I love all of you for being there for him. Lets continue to support the King and find out what truly happened to him, and lets keep his legacy alive.

STARTING OVER

I never believed I would survive to write a second book, but by the grace of God, here I am. Twenty long years have passed since I wrote my first autobiography, La Toya . The truth is that I didnt want to author that first book. My ex-manager, Jack Gordon, made me publish the book and speak out against my will in its pages, just as he forced me to marry him in 1989 and made me make so many career moves that were contrary to my wishes and beliefs. For almost a decade, Gordon controlled me with a campaign of brutalization and manipulation, beating me several times a week, threatening my life and the lives of my family members, and proving he had the mob ties to carry out his most violent promises. As is common with abusers, he also isolated me from anyone I loved, who might have come to my aid or inspired me to rebel against him. By the end of his first year of management, I was so insecure and traumatized that I couldnt even look at myself in the mirror. I hated the person I saw there because everything about her was ugly to me, and I thought it was my fault.

I am thankful that, this time around, I have the freedom to write what I want, the way I want. It truly is the most wonderful feeling to finally be free from the misery of my prior life. I am absolutely overjoyed to find myself still here on this earth, experiencing the most extreme happiness every day, in the company of my dear family and friends. Believe me, this is no exaggeration. After the horrors I have lived through, and the despair I have felt, every breath is truly a gift. I am so grateful for my freedom and the person I am now, even if I had to endure such painful experiences to get here.

There was a time, before Jack Gordon, and all of the tragedy that befell my family, when I was extremely happy. I lived at Hayvenhurst, the family home in Encino, California. I traveled the world, making a good living as an entertainer. I spent all of my time with my family, who were my best friends, and the people I loved most in the world.

Every day was a blessing, and I couldnt wait to wake up each morning to hear my sister Rebbie singing Mandy Patinkins version of the song When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbin Along. Even though my more famous siblings performances were already filling arenas at that point, nothing made me happier than hearing Rebbie croon that special song just for me. It would put the biggest smile on my face. My brothers fame, as well as the Jehovahs Witness religion with which Mother raised us, meant that we were isolated when I was growing up. This was especially true of Rebbie, Michael, and me, who were the most devout. Im sure this helped to make Michael and me vulnerable to our eventual fates, as did our not really understanding the value of money, having always grown up with the ability to earn plenty. But as a child and young woman, I was cheerful and helpful, and I wanted for nothing in the world.

When Jack Gordon preyed on my navet and took me away from all of this, I could not understand why God had brought such dark forces into my life and allowed me to suffer so greatly. It wasnt until I escaped from Gordon on May 3, 1996, and spent many years making sense of what I endured that I realized why God put me in the worst possible situation. He did so to make me the strong person I am today, so that I could help other women to escape their abusers and also have the chance to start their lives over.

I assumed it would be easy. I thought I could just wake up one morning and say, Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today Im starting over. I didnt realize all of the difficulties that life presents us daily, and that starting over isnt something that we do once in a lifetime; its something we do continuously, by learning from our mistakes, until we eventually become the people we will be.