Paul E. Sago - Planning Your Marriage: A Workbook Guide for Engaged and Married Couples

Paul E. Sago

Planning Your
Marriage

A Workbook Guide for Engaged
and Married Couples

iUniverse, Inc.

Bloomington

Planning Your Marriage

A Workbook Guide for Engaged and Married Couples

Copyright 2011 Paul E. Sago

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ISBN: 978-1-4620-2752-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4620-2755-2 (e)

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 10/17/2011

Contents

This book is dedicated to my wife, Donna, whose love, devotion, patience and understanding has made our marriage a delight.

Foreword

Your marriage can be filled with comfort, joy, and the excitement of love that grows through the years; or it may be just another divorce statistic. It is your choice.

I was first married while still in college. Like most college juniors, I though I had all the answers necessary for a happy and lasting marriage. I had studied psychology, human relationships and theology. The truth is, I knew little about relationships and the bit of knowledge I possessed was purely academic. My marriage was a disaster.

I moved into marriage too quickly, and for the wrong reasons, in spite of the advice of older and wiser friends. At the time, I could not have sensibly answered Question #1, Chapter 3Why do you wish to marry this person?

My failed marriage prompted an increased interest in marital relationships and I completed a Masters Degree with studies primarily in psychology and counseling. Later, while working on my Ph.D., I continued studies in psychology and counseling and attended special programs in Neurolinguistics.

Now, my wife, Donna and I have been married twenty-one wonderful years. During that time, not a single argumentno yelling, no hateful stares, no walking out of the room while the other is talking. We strictly follow the Techniques for Communication as outlined in Chapter II and we are both convinced that no one wins an argument.

It is wonderful to wake up each morning, look into Donnas eyes, snuggle a bit, and feel comfortably assured that together we can face anything.

PLANNING YOUR MARRIAGE was written after years as a pre-marital and marriage counselor. The questions and discussion topics are those used in guiding counselees to improved relationships. I am convinced this planning guide will work for you during your engagement or after years of marriage.

It is my hope that your marriage will be as wonderfully fulfilling as Donna and I experience daily. It takes planning, understanding, honesty, unselfishness, and communication. We both wish you happy planning and a glorious marriage experience.

Chapter I

The Engaging Process of Marriage

Engaged couples spend a great amount of time and energy planning their wedding. Usually in the excitement of engagement, very little attention is given to planning the marriage.

Its a natural, acceptable patternboy meets girl, (or if you prefer, man meets woman), they date, fall in love, get engaged, set a date, and start planning the wedding. The bride is in a frenzy from the beginning. Perhaps her mental state may best be described by the acronym, PHEW!Planning Her Exciting (sometimes extravagant) Wedding. She has dreamed of a wedding since childhood, visualizing herself walking down the aisle in the presence of family and friends. Her Day! Finally, the time has come.

There are many questions and much work to be done. Where will the wedding be? What about a wedding coordinator? There is the invitation list, the bridal gown, bridesmaids dresses, a photographer, flowers, color scheme, reception and catering. PHEW!

There are some things that the groom must do, but few compared to the many tasks of the bride. He must arrange for a tux, name the best man and groomsmen and perhaps make notes for a brief speech at the reception. The honeymoonwhere will it be? How much will it cost? How long can we afford to stay? Wow! When he bought the ring, it all seemed so beautifully simple!

In recall, most couples agree that the wedding and accompanying parties and dinners were wonderful, but it all required far too much time, energy, emotion and money. Perhaps thats the reason more couples go to the local courthouse, a justice of the peace, or escape to Las Vegas.

The purpose of Planning Your Marriage is to help engaged couples plan beyond the wedding. The greater amount of time, energy and serious conversation should be directed toward the marriage. It is not my intention to diminish the importance of a wedding ceremony. However, as grand or as simple as it may be, the wedding lasts only one day. Marriage is intended for a lifetime.

There are different types and levels of love. During dating and courtship, romantic love is very exciting. However, lasting relationships are built on a greater depth of love and the art of communication and shared feelings, which go far beyond sexual excitement and romance.

During your marriage there will be times when disagreements come, and communication is difficult. Husband and wife will, at times, have strong feelings regarding what may later be interpreted as an insignificant subject, and one or both may be unyielding, even resistant to the opinions of the other. It is at such a time that oneness requires work on the part of both husband and wife.

Communication is the most important ingredient in marriage. Realtors often say that the value of property is related to location, location, location. In marriage, success depends upon communication, communication, communication.

There will be times when touchy questions arisewhere to go on vacation, how much money to spend on hobbies, how or when to discipline children, the intrusion of in-laws, whether or not to buy a new car, and a wide variety of other things on which you may differ in opinions. Trouble can start as easily as the wife feeling the need for new household appliances at the time the husband desperately wants new power tools for his garage; or the wife may wish to visit family when the husband may feel the need for quiet time. Such differences of opinion may create problems, if there is insufficient communication.

The seventy questions and topics in the following chapters are for the bride and groom to discuss during their engagement period. The topics are intended to help you freely discuss problems that will likely arise later during your marriage. Discussing such potential problems prior to the wedding may help you avoid many pitfalls following the ceremony. In each section, there will be numerous questions, discussion topics, and advice on methodology. Give each one the time it deserves. Later, when problems arise, you will be ready.