Dara Lovitz - Twinsight: A Guide to Raising Emotionally Healthy Twins with Advice from the Experts (Academics) and the REAL Experts (Twins)

Praise for Twinsight

This book is a great read for any multiple birth family member. What a great perspective hearing from twins and their siblings on the dynamics of growing up in a multiple world. A wonderful book for families expecting twins, any family member already experiencing life with twins, and any age adult twins.

Kim England , president of Multiples of America

Throughout my research, I have found that parents of twins know they belong to a very special breed. Dara Lovitz offers a book that these parents will greet with delight. Twinsight highlights the searching questions that inform the daily life of all parents whose children have siblings: love, jealousy, empathy, exclusion, and responsibility. In addition, Lovitz addresses that very special perspective needed when a child has a powerful bond, an intimate identity, and an accompanying need for individuality with a twin.

Terri Apter , PhD, author of The Confident Child: Raising Children to Believe in Themselves

Copyright 2018 by Dara Lovitz

All rights reserved.

Published by Familius LLC, www.familius.com

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

2017958505

Print ISBN 9781945547720

Ebook ISBN 9781641700221

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by DeAnna Acker

Cover design by David Miles

Book design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

Dedicated to all of the individuals I interviewed.

You opened up to me.

You shared with me your insights.

You entrusted me with your special memories.

I am forever grateful to you.

Without you, there would be no book.

Thank you.

Also dedicated to my beloved husband, Josh, and our amazing twin daughters Eden and Tal.

It is even more so the case that without you, there would be no book.

Foreword

M y identical twin sister and I attended the Twins Days Festival in Twinsburg, Ohiothe largest annual gathering of twi ns in the worldin August of 2016 for the first time ever. Over 1,800 twins registered that year to celeb rate their unique status as a twin, whether they were fraternal or identical. Twins of all ages dressed alike, from head to toe, sending the message that they embraced being the twins, or being treated as a unit rather than two individuals with different interests and personalities. My twin sister and I were there conducting interviews with identical twins for my most recent research project on identical twins. As a family sociologist, backed with the experience of being an identical twin, I thought I had little to learn about identical twinsbut I was wrong. Based on the stories told by the participants in my study, there are certainly some twins who embrace their twin status and have not been affected negatively, but there are some twins who report that being a twin presents a number of challenges, including striving for individuality, dealing with comparisons to their twin, and difficulty with relationships, including friendships, romantic relationships, and sibling relationships. Twinsight , written by Dara Lovitz, mother of fraternal twin daughters, is a book that serves as an essential guide to parents of twins (and other multiples). Readers will learn about the unique relationship shared by twins, but most importantly, this book is written for parents and caregivers of twins, so that they can learn how to raise emotionally healthy and confident twins.

According to the 2015 National Vital Statistics Report based on data from 2014, the twin birth rate was 33.9 twins per 1,000 in 2014, the highest ever reported. With the increase in the twinning rate in the past few decades, due mostly to an increase in the use of fertility drugs as well as advanced maternal age, the experience of parenting twins (and other multiples) has become more common than prior to the 1980s. Thus, Twinsight is a must have for parents who find themselves preparing for the arrival of twins as well as for those who are in the midst of raising twins.

I was contacted by author Dara Lovitz after she listened to my NPR radio interview that aired on WHYY-FM in September 2016. She was interested in my research on identical twins and wanted to meet to discuss ways in which our research overlapped. After our first conversation, I realized that our research shared both similarities and differences. The main difference, of course, is that she is writing from the perspective of a parent of fraternal twins. I, on the other hand, am an identical twin who has recently completed research about identical twins. However, in order to learn about the experience of being raised as an identical twin, we both went directly to the sourcetwins themselves (and siblings of twins, in Daras case). Lovitzs research complements my own in that the goal of her research is to provide advice on how to raise emotionally healthy twins while my research takes a retrospective look at identical twins, telling their stories.

While there are a number of books on raising multiples, Dara Lovitzs Twinsight is unique in a number of ways. First, she interviewed more than eighty twins (even some triplets), asking them what they liked and did not like about the way they were raised. She also took it one step further by interviewing singleton siblings of twins to find out if and how they were affected by being raised in a family with twins. Last, she consulted with educators and psychologists to gain a diversity of perspectives on the rearing of twins. Complementing the data gathered from interviews and consultations with professionals is her own personal experience as the mother of fraternal twinsan interesting and thorough combination.

In Twinsight , advice is provided on how to encourage individuality, whether it is in terms of personality traits or friendships. Lovitz even suggests holding separate birthday parties or asking for non-shared birthday gifts for the twins. Lovitz also highlights a topic not often discussed by twinsthe caretaking bondand the sacrifices often made by one twin for the other. Based on stories from her interviews with twins, Lovitz provides suggestions on how to relieve the caretaking bond. Throughout the book, Lovitz makes the case that one-on-one time is essential for raising emotionally healthy twins. On a related note, it is also important for parents and caregivers to assure that other singleton siblings are receiving similar one-on-one time, especially since there is research that shows that relationships with non-twin siblings are generally not as close as the twin-sibling relationship. Another important theme that came out of Lovitzs research is the insistence that twins not be comparedby parents, siblings, relatives, friends, and others. Lovitz also presents a question that the majority of parents will have to face at some point: should parents separate twins in school? In addition, Lovitz provides advice on how to best prepare twins for other relationships, including friendships and romantic/intimate relationships. In the final chapter, Lovitz encourages parents to validate their childrens feelingsto really take the time to think about what it is like to be an identical twin, with all of the benefits and downfalls.