James H. Bray - Stepfamilies: Love, Marriage, and Parenting in the First Decade

A hardcover edition of this book was published in 1998 by Broadway Books.

STEPFAMILIES . Copyright 1998 by Dr. James H. Bray and John Kelly. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information, address Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036.

BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

The Library of Congress has catalogued the hardcover edition as: Bray, James H.

StepFamilies: love, marriage, and parenting in the first decade / by James H. Bray and John Kelly.1st ed.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-80363-4
1. Stepfamilies. 2. Remarriage. 3. Stepparents. 4. Stepchildren.
I. Kelly, John, 1945-. II. Title.
HQ759.92.B73 1998
306.874dc21

98-3543

v3.1

This book is dedicated to my family for their love and support, which has enriched my life in finite ways.
This book is especially dedicated to my children:

TO L INDSEY , I say thank you for your sweetness, tenacity, and love. You have brought great joy and happiness to me.

TO J ESSICA , I say thank you for your special smile, your love and kindness, and your creative spirit, which impacts all whom you touch.

TO M ATTHEW , I say thank you for your love of lifeplaying full outyour fearlessness, and your special tenderness and love that is ever present.

You have added many dimensions to my life and have inspired me to make a difference, as you are all doing.

T his project could not have been completed without the hard work and dedication of a large number of people. I first became interested in studying stepfamilies through an invitation from Dr. Carol Brady, a psychologist, and Joyce Ambler, a social worker, who noticed that children from divorced families and stepfamilies were overrepresented in our clinic. We decided to submit a grant proposal to develop and evaluate a treatment program to help stepfamilies cope with their particular stresses and problems. While this grant application was not funded, it eventually led me to create the Developmental Issues in StepFamilies (DIS) Research Project.

I owe a really special debt of gratitude to Sandra Berger, a social worker, who was my collaborator throughout the project. Sandra made invaluable contributions all around. It has been an extraordinary pleasure to work with her. She is a first-rate scholar, a great collaborator, and a wonderful person. Joyce Ambler helped at the beginning of the DIS Project to get it going, but she had to leave during the first year.

There were numerous graduate and undergraduate students who contributed to the project, interviewed the families, and analyzed the data. These include Tom Mann, Brad Michael, Alan Silverblatt, Sarah Milford, Carol Boethel, Susan Gershenhorn, Josue Maymi, Jovana Cowart, Lynne Higgenbotham, Kathy Pacey, Sarah Pollack, Odett McGowan, Alixandre Bennett, Liz Mercier, Jadine Hoefker, Susan Scott, Gina Touch, Jeffrey Parsons, and Dianne Kraft. I am proud to say that they completed their degrees, and many of them are now practicing psychologists and therapists, often helping stepfamilies in our communities. Carol Boethel deserves special thanks for continuing to help me after the project was over.

Lynn Corazao, Deborah Harper, and Ellen Fadigan served as our able support staff. Through a cooperative arrangement with the University of Houston Psychology Department, we also had many undergraduate psychology majors help us analyze and code the videotapes of the families. Their help was also invaluable for completing the project.

Dr. E. Mavis Hetherington and her staff (especially Anne Hollier, Margaret Hagan, and Marlene Eisenberg) at the University of Virginia served as our consultants throughout the project. Mavis has become a great friend and colleague, whom I cant thank enough. I will always appreciate her for setting high standards of excellence to emulate.

This research was supported by National Institutes of Health grants, RO1 HD 18025 and RO1 HD 22642, from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Dr. Josephine Arasteh was our grants officer and she provided outstanding technical help and support for our project. Dr. Teresa Levitin was the head of the review panel that made valuable suggestions for improving the project. The first grant was awarded while I was on the faculty in the Department of Psychology at Texas Womans University-Houston Center. I completed the second grant while I was on the faculty in the Department of Family Medicine at Baylor College of Medicine.

I also appreciate the small grant from the Kempner Foundation of Galveston, which helped us get the project started. Katherine Oerting of Eisaman, Johns & Laws Advertising, Inc., developed and donated a poster for our project to help us recruit families. Jane Hargis of Kwik Koopy Greenway Plaza donated the printing for the poster.

I also acknowledge and thank the many scholars and clinicians who discussed their ideas about divorce and remarriage with us over the years. Emily and John Visher are real pioneers in this area, and their early publications helped me get going. Many others also contributed: Connie Ahrons, Scott Browning, Marilyn Coleman, Charlene Depner, Mark Hine, Larry Ganong, Janet Johnston, Joan Kelly, Larry Kurdek, Kay Pasley, Patricia Papernow, Cliff Sager, Judith Wallerstein, and Nick Zill.

I also appreciate the love of my former wife, Juneau N. Shepherd, during the project.

My parents, Jamie and Joveda Bray, have always been a source of love and support for me. I thank them for this and for providing The Barn to have fun parties for the StepFamily Project staff.

I also want to thank John Eddie Williams, Jr., for his support and encouragement and my former chairman, Dr. Bob Rakel, and John Eddie for their continual urging to do this book. I thank Colleen and Bernadette for their support and help in beginning this book. I am especially grateful to Louise for her encouragement and words of wisdom in completing the book.

It has been a pleasure to get to know and work with Sheila Weller. Sheila helped us interview several of the families for the book and contributed her outstanding writing and editing skills.

The editors and staff at Broadway Books have been wonderful to work with. Janet Goldsteins, Charlie Conrads, and Ted Sammonss comments and encouragement have helped guide this project from a proposal into the reality of a book that we are proud of. Trigg Robinson and Debbie Stier have been wonderful to work with in arranging for the publicity for the book.