Sunday-Star-Times - Things Your Granny Should Have Told You

When dining at someones home, take your cue from the hostthis goes for sitting down, starting, or getting up from the table at the end.

When in a restaurant, dont start until everyone has been served, and make sure you know whats yours: your bread plate is to the left, your glassware to the right.

Some other things to think about:

Posture

Sit up straight and dont rest your elbows on the table.

Passing

When asked to pass something, place it on the table next to the other person rather than putting it in their hand. When asked for the salt, pass the pepper too.

Napkins

Fold neatly in your lap and use periodically to dab your mouth, but definitely not to blow your nose. If you have to do something disgusting, excuse yourself, placing your napkin on the left side of your plate. Placing it on the right side signals you have finished.

Utensils

Use from the outside in. If you drop one, dont crawl under the table, just ask for a replacement. When finished, place your knife and fork together diagonally on the plate with the handles facing towards you.

Being a best man is an important job. Take your cues from the groom as to what is required of you, but also check in with the bride, as she often knows more about whats going on. If you can anticipate the little things that need doing before you are asked, youll be the best best man possible.

Pre-wedding

Organise the stag do around an activity like golf, whisky tasting or big game fishing, and make sure everyone who should be is invited. Help with renting the suits or tuxes, and look after the rings prior to the service. School up on names and details of people attending and the order of service. A checklist is at www.thebestman.com.

On the day

Help the groom get dressed. Everyone should be in charge of their own suits, but bring a spare pair of socks, shoes and a belt on the day in case anyone forgets. Welcome the guests and show them where to sit (left side for groom, right for bride), and produce the rings at the appropriate time. You may also need to witness the signing of the marriage certificate.

Your reception speech is the most important job and is not an opportunity to get back at the groom for that wedgie or the time he stole your girlfriend.

The condolence letter is a very difficult thing to write. Words are seen as an inadequate means of expression, but the formalities surrounding a death mean that silence is not an option.

The worst assumption someone can make is that such a letter will somehow compound the recipients grief. If you feel paralysed by the fear of saying the wrong thing, try to remember that you are not trying to alleviate their pain but are offering the comfort of a connection. A simple, sincere expression of sympathy can remind the recipient that they are not alone in their grief.

Begin with a sentence that expresses sympathy for the death of their loved one. Use the word death rather than a euphemism; that way you are acknowledging the reality and not turning it into another impersonal greeting-card moment.

Include a few sentences about the deceased. Using their name, invoke a shared memory or a few words about their personality. Condolence cards are often kept as mementos of a persons life. Sign off with a sentence or two offering your continued support, particularly after the immediate formalities (such as the funeral) are over. If you offer a future phone call or visit, make sure you follow this up.

Whether its for something serious or just a minor mishap, apologising can often feel embarrassing and difficult. Fear of negative consequences such as rejection can hold us back, but having the courage to apologise always leaves both parties better off.

• The most important thing is that you must mean it. There is no point in apologising to someone if you dont care that you have hurt that person.
• Where possible, try to apologise face-to-face so you can show you are sincere. Body language is a strong indicator of how you really feel.
• The best way to show you are genuinely remorseful is to acknowledge the pain you have caused. Do more than just say Im sorry; attempt to put yourself in the other persons shoes and explain that you understand the impact your actions have had.
• If it is a situation you can remedy by doing something, offer to help.
• And remember: do not pass blame on to someone or something elsetaking responsibility for your actions shows that you really do understand what you have done.

Larry King, the godfather of American talk-show television, once said, I never learned anything when I was talking. Being a good communicator is more than just knowing what you are talking about or being a good speaker; its learning from what other people have to say. Knowing how to listen also allows you to improve your relationships, whether at work or home, or socially.

• Pay attention to what the other person is saying. This may sound silly, but focusing on what someone is saying is often difficult, especially when your mind is running away with its own ideas. Looking them in the eye while they are talking will help you.
• When you dont know what they are talking about, admit it. This not only keeps you focused on the conversation, but helps you to learn as well.
• If you are after certain information from a person, such as in an interview situation, help them open up by introducing topics they will be informed about and feel comfortable with.

Being a bridesmaid is often a much bigger task than it first appears. A lot of time and money can be spent helping the bride prepare for her big day, but if you bear in mind a few simple tips, stress can be kept to a minimum.