Jools Oliver - Minus Nine to One: The Diary of an Honest Mum

Jools Oliver

The Diary of an Honest Mum

PENGUIN BOOKS

PENGUIN BOOKS

Published by the Penguin Group
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First published by Michael Joseph 2005
Published in Penguin Books 2006

Copyright Jools Oliver, 2005
Photographs by Jamie Oliver MBE (well, its got to be used sometimes!) and Chris Terry
Additional photos by Dave Bennett/Getty Images, John Carey,
Harry Borden and David Loftus

Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders and the publisher apologizes for any unintentional omissions. We would be pleased to insert the appropriate acknowledgement in any subsequent edition.

All rights reserved
The moral right of the author has been asserted

To my wonderful dad, who I know has been with me all the way. Without him watching over me I would never have achieved my goal of writing this book.

To my gorgeous, patient, supportive, fantastic husband, Jamie.

To my two precious and adorable girls, Poppy and Daisy the reason I was able to write this book in the first place.

To my amazing mum for always being there for me and my girls, and for listening patiently when I was writing.

To my two fab sisters, Nathalie and Lisa, who deserve the best.

Please note this book contains a personal account of pregnancy and is not intended to replace professional medical advice.

Minus Nine to One is about a life-changing experience, and one that all women who are pregnant for the first time will go through. Not everyones experience is the same and this book is my own take on things, but I hope that I might be of some help to you when youre going through the same worries that I had as a new mum. And even if youre not pregnant at the moment then I hope you might just enjoy reading it anyway.

I have to admit that it has always been a secret passion of mine to write a book. When I became pregnant for the first time and started out on the incredible journey to becoming a mum, the experiences that I was going through the worries, the never-ending excitement, the miracles, the laughter and the mind-blowing hard work really stretched and challenged me in ways that I never expected. And weve only been parents for three years! So I thought that it would be fun to write about the journey I found myself on.

This certainly hasnt been written as a guidebook for pregnant women, or as a medical reference book for that matter, although I have included a glossary of medical terms at the back of the book. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I found it very hard to find one book that encompassed everything that I was interested in knowing about. I wanted to have a bit of medical stuff, set out simply with all the obvious questions and answers, and I also wanted a bit about the aftercare of your newborn (although I found it hard to even think past the labour!). And I wanted all this to be bound up with a lot of humour, because with everything being thrown at you, you will definitely need a laugh! So this book is my honest look at what happened to me and all the experiences I went through, from trying to get pregnant to having my second daughter a year after my first. Whether youre trying for a baby, pregnant for the first time or bringing up two children under two (like I was last year) then I hope this book might help to show you how I coped in those circumstances.

The way I have set out the book will show you everything that happened to me from minus nine (when I became pregnant) to one (when Poppy had her first birthday) and is really my personal journal. Towards the end of the book there is a section called The Food Bit which, being married to Jamie, I couldnt really leave out as food is such an important issue in our family! Its a handful of recipes that I make to feed the girls now they are both on solids and hopefully it will help to give you some ideas in the kitchen if you are stuck.

This is simply my story. I hope that you can relate to it in some way, that you enjoy it and maybe, if you have time, even relax with it in the bath!

So here I am on my knees surrounded by antibacterial wipes, disinfectant spray and POO! A very familiar scene to mums of young children all over the country, Im sure. When I first became pregnant I would daydream about how wonderful it would be to be a mum I wasnt really thinking of how baby wipes would become my best friend in moments like this

Once again my youngest daughter, Daisy (who will no doubt kill me for telling you this story in 10 years time!), has decided to cover herself in her poo. This has been happening on a regular basis for the last few weeks. She decides to wait until she is inside her freshly laundered Grobag, in her pristine white cot, surrounded with toys and books, during her lunchtime nap. And then she poos. And then she gets it EVERYWHERE, usually decorating her cot with it. I generally never make it up in time to catch her. I walk into her room and see her cheeky smile as she shows off her artistic abilities and invites me to join in!

Today it doesnt seem at all funny though. I am a bit peed off as I see that she has done it yet again. Im tired, weve just moved house and the place is full of builders, plumbers and engineers. All I can hear are drills and the pounding of the radio, and Ive got a headache. Were now going to be very late for Poppys ballet class and on top of all this the plumbers have turned off the water and electricity arghhhhhhh!

So as I said I am now on my knees wondering what or who to scrub first. Ive got Daisy running naked round the bathroom, still covered in poo, and Poppy now awake and dragging her dolls, books and blankets into the bath. I decide to tackle the one object which is stationary, and also the worst affected in this case it happens to be Buzz Lightyear! How on earth Daisy managed to get poo stuck between his head and his helmet I will never know. Putting on a pair of surgical gloves I attempt to give Buzz back some of his dignity, but at the crucial moment (I accidentally pressed a button) he announced, THIS IS AN INTERGALACTIC EMERGENCY! You said it, Buzz. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry welcome to motherhood!