Jessica Cording - The Farewell Tour

the farewell tour

Copyright 2022 by Jessica Cording

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Viva Editions, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, 221 River Street, Ninth Floor, Hoboken, New Jersey 07030.

Printed in the United States

Cover design: Jennifer Do

Cover image: Shutterstock

Text design: Frank Wiedemann

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBN: 978-1-63228-075-6

E-book ISBN: 978-1-63228-132-6

This book is dedicated to my family.
Thanks for always making the best road trip playlists.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T here are so many people I want to thank for helping me bring this book out into the world:

First off, I want to thank my family for their emotional support and shared memories, for being on the journey with me.

And all my love to my husband Jacob, who has met Writing Cave Jess and chose to stay married to us. I always appreciate your willingness to talk through whatever it is I need to talk through.

I also want to thank my agent, the wonderful Leigh Eisenman. Thanks for talking me out of the oracle cards thingthis was a much better way to spend my energy.

My deepest gratitude to the incredible team at Viva Editions: especially Rene Sears, Ashley Calvano, and Meghan Kilduff for working so closely with me on this project. Special thanks to Heather Huzovic for helping us get the word out.

I also want to acknowledge Jade Dressler, Paulina Kajankova, Francesca Latham, Melissa Ingle, and Heather Piedmont for keeping me organized behind the scenes.

I am so appreciative of all the health experts, music industry professionals, and artists, who shared their stories and expertise with me. And thank you to Allyssa Fortunato and Rebecca Shapiro for your warmth, generosity, and your insight as I was developing this project.

In addition, I want to thank my colleagues as well as my past and current patients and clientsyouve taught me so much.

Also, to Adam Wade, whose storytelling class was the first place I ever talked about The Farewell Tour experience, thank you for giving me a safe place to find my voice again.

This book was written during the COVID-19 pandemic, when I was getting used to a totally new phase of my personal and professional life and getting reacquainted with the sound of my own heart again after being constantly on the go and surrounded by noise for years. The prayer every day was the same: Show me what to do next.

The week I sat down to write these acknowledgments, my father came to me in a dream. I was on vacation doing yoga (like I said, a dream); and he showed up wearing a shirt that said, Do what you love, love what you live on it. He smiled and explained hed waited to visit until I was quiet and calm and could actually hear and see him.

A lot of this book came to me in dreams. I would go to bed asking for guidanceon who to reach out to for an interview or how to structure a particular section, or which part of a story to share and which to leave outand Id wake up with a solution to jot down in the notebook next to my bed. At other times I got unexpected ideas and insights while asleep.

The entire idea of interviewing any musicians at all began that way, from a dream where I ran into an artist whod worked with my dad for many years, and we sat down and had a conversation about my father. When I woke up, I turned to my husband and said, I have this crazy idea thats going to make this project even more complicated, but I know I need to follow this thread.

I wrote most of this book sitting cross-legged on my old bed in my parents house. I am eternally grateful to my mother for giving my husband and I a place to live while we were between homes after relocating for my work. It had not been part of the plan to write about my own history in the place where Id lived so much of it, but for whatever reason, it was supposed to be that way. I know Ill look back and be happy I got to spend the time with her, sharing memories, thoughts, and stories on our morning walks.

INTRODUCTION

W hile nutrition and wellness are my professional passions, writing and music have always kept me moving forward. I usually have a song in my head and a soundtrack for pretty much everything. When I started on my career path as a dietitian and health coach, I knew in my gut that somewhere along the way, writing and music would find their way into the story somehow, and its certainly been an interesting trail of crumbs to follow.

A core part of my writing work has always been to create resources I wish Id had when I needed them. Sometimes that has been a resource for patients and clients, and in some cases, something I could have used for my own needs.

This book is intended to be a resource for caregivers of all typesnot just those caring for someone with a terminal illness, though that was how it started. As a dietitian in an ALS clinic early in my career, I got to know my patients and their families and saw the wear and tear the whole family went through. It was in that role where I became keenly interested in the emotional and social aspects of food as a connector and in finding ways to provide the best quality experience possible during a challenging time.

I naively had thought that my work in that area would prepare me if any of my own family members ever experienced a serious illness with a poor prognosis, but not surprisingly, I was introduced to a bunch of unanticipated struggles when it came to my own fathers health journey.

When my dad was first diagnosed with advanced and inoperable pancreatic cancer, his attitude was Well, someone has to be the first to survive this so we dropped everything to support him. Because his prognosis was so bleak, we went into sprint mode, so to speak, burning the candle at both ends, trying to squeeze in as much as possible while maintaining a positive exterior. At first, the trial drugs worked well (though they came with sometimes debilitating side effects) but as the months went on and the cancer stopped responding, the energy shifted. It became about making the most we could of our time together.

My father wanted to live whatever was left of his life on his terms and remain as social as possiblewhen he wanted to be social, that is. I walked into the kitchen one afternoon as he hung up the phone and chuckled to himself. He grabbed an ice cream bar from the freezer and mused as he unwrapped, When they find out youre dying, everybody wants a piece of you.

So we started calling it The Farewell Tour.

In some ways, it really did feel like being on the road, touring with a band, where my dad was the headliner, my mother the road manager, and my sister and I part of the crew with our specific duties. Because my dad had worked in the music industry, a large part of his work had involved helping organize and promote many tours, albums, and artist campaignsit was a framework my family understood. Going to concerts all those years and seeing the joy but also the exhaustion in the eyes of the artists and crew members had stuck with me (and had a lot to do with why I never pursued a career in the entertainment industry). There were even times when younger artists stayed at my parents house when they were playing New York, and I remember the suitcases and the vans and buses parked wherever they would fit and what a relief a home-cooked meal could be after weeks of fast food.

For the fifteen months my dad battled his disease, I never once fully unpacked my overnight bag. I even got to know the different drivers on the bus route I took between New York City and New Jersey at least once a week. As the dietitian of the family, I made it my job to see that everyone ate well when I was around. In retrospect, Im not totally sure my help was welcome or if it seemed meddling, but it was at least something I could do when so much was out of my hands. My mom and I used to spend a lot of time on the phone discussing my dads latest labs and what to put in his milkshakes and what to pack in the cooler she brought on chemo days.