Dave Toycen - The Power of Generosity: How to Transform Yourself and Your World

How to Transform Yourself
and Your World

To my parents, LaVerne and Elaine Toycen, who
taught me to love people and follow Jesus, and to
my wife, Diane, who practises generosity every day.

W hy have I written a book about generosity? In a world of grinding poverty and humanitarian crisis, people of action are neededpeople who have had enough of words. In many cases words themselves have betrayed those who suffer. From the expansive declarations of increasing aid to developing countries to the past promises of humanitarian intervention in places such as Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the poor have experienced the lack of real commitment behind all the talk. Words of promise and hope have been so compromised that they sometimes result in more chaos.

But there is another possibility. Words can still convey aspiration and encouragement.

I knew this was true in the days right after the Boxing Day tsunami of 2004the worst natural disaster in living memorywhen I walked among ruined homes and agonized with bereaved parents and orphaned children. Even as I grieved with these survivors, I was moved and challenged by the outpouring of generosity from people both inside and outside the crisis zone. For a few days, we were a global community, setting aside ethnic, political and cultural differences, on a shared mission to save lives.

I met Sharmila Croos, a mother from Sri Lanka, who lost absolutely everything, but whose family was spared. She assured me that her family could manage, and urged me to tell Canadians to focus their giving on people who have lost children and relatives instead.

And so it went: a 90-year-old Saudi millionaire who was so concerned that he travelled to Indonesia to see the damage firsthand, gave $12 million to help build new homes in Banda Aceh. A father in his thirties who lost his wife and two children in the tsunami was acting as a guard at one of our childrens centres in Indonesia. He shared with me that he was overwhelmed with grief but he was somehow finding meaning in work that was helping children. And a mother in India who lost three of her four children spoke, through her tears, of her faith and of how Gods mercy was sustaining her.

I have written this book about generosity to tell something of those who suffer and those who triumph. Frequently they are one and the same. In spite of horrifying circumstances that threaten to take their lives, these people continue to live with generosity and compassion. As an aid worker, it is humbling to see such courage and perseverance in the midst of circumstances that grind the hope out of living. This is the real truth of mothers and fathers and children who have next to nothing except the dignity of their humanity and an indomitable spirit. Amazingly, many of them still believe in God and they make a clear distinction between what people do to each other and how God might be responsible. They are long on patience and high on faith.

In contrast to our consumer mentality that insists you are what you own, this book celebrates the millions of people who practise generosity daily. We need more like them. They are a shining light in the broader context of human need that stretches around the globe.

We were created to be generous. I am convinced of it. Scientists are beginning to find evidence that were programmed to help each other, but most of us have known it in our hearts for a long time.

I have been most fortunate to be around truly generous people. Most of them behaved generously with a lack of pretension that made their giving more powerful. My grandparents, father, mother, aunts and uncles were wonderful people who gave generously and often. You will meet some of them in this book. Some of my greatest teachers have also been women and men living in developing countries. In the midst of unimaginable suffering and neglect, they practise generosity as if it is the air they breathe. You will meet some of them too.

Mostly this book is about the joy of giving and the difference it can make. I hope and pray you will find something that lifts your heart and sustains your spirit so that together we can build a future for ourselves and our children. Time is short but the opportunities are endless.

DAVE TOYCEN

March 2005

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

(Norman MacEwan)

G enerosity has been an important idea to me for a long time. Yet it was on a warm summer day in August 1997 in Sand Creek, Wisconsin, that its importance gained new meaning. It was my fathers funeral. The sunshine was intermittent with thick cumulus clouds floating across the sky. The country church was packed with more than 400 people paying their respects. A steady line-up of local farm folk streamed by the casket. There were the many gestures of respect, handshakes, a pat on the shoulder, a tear. Some spoke about my father, of his enthusiasm, his willingness to lend a hand, the numerous times he provided financial assistance and his frequent visits to those who were sick and dying. My sister Gail and I spoke with laughter and humour of this man who was filled with generosity and enthusiasm. Dads first cousin, now an elderly man in his early eighties, described him as a person who had the gift of helpsa rather old-fashioned way to describe behaviour that constantly reaches out to benefit others.

There was a sombre quality to this day, but it was also a day of celebration, and the memories of my father prompted the final decision to write this book. His life was the conclusive reminder to me that the journey of generosity is a story worth telling.

I am one of those fortunate people who grew up with a father who was generous, at times to a fault. My brother, who was in business with our dad for more than twenty years, told me, Dad cried about people, but he never cried about money. Practically, it meant that money took second place to people. He had a caring heart. So often Dad would buy more than he needed so he could give some away. If buying one was good, then two was twice as good and three would be ten times better. It wasnt necessarily good economics, but it was great generosity.

When returning from a trip to a larger city, Dad would arrive loaded down with fruit and vegetables that were less available in our area. They would be distributed to family, staff at his car dealership and farm, and of course friends along the way. He had a special joy in sharing with someone who was having difficulty of some kind. My dad had learned a great secret: giving generously is a wonderful way to live. The crowd paying tribute to my father that day was the exclamation point at the end of a fantastic life.

My fathers gift of helps was a testimony to me that our attitude toward others is an essential part of our epitaph. If you lead a good life, you are assured a good death. This doesnt mean that your death will not be tragic, but your memory and, more importantly, your heritage will be passed along to the generations that follow. Generosity has the power to leave a legacy of goodwill.

There are a number of virtues that shape our response to the needs of others. It would be simplistic and naive to insist that generosity is the only one that matters. Philosopher Tibor Machan comments, while generosity is on the whole a virtue, it needs to coexist with other virtues to lead one to act ethically, that is, to be good on the whole.practices are corrupt and unjust. His generosity toward charity presents a misleading picture of his real character. Compassion, charity, duty and justice are all important virtues as we interact with one another. In fact they should all work in harmony. Ive chosen generosity as the topic of this book because I believe it touches every relationship on a daily basis. It is the lubricant that smoothes our daily living in a way that affects every other moral virtue. In fact, I believe that generosity is the first car in the train of virtues. Without it, the other virtues are unlikely to ever get started or be fully expressed.