Gabrielle Nancarrow - The Birth Space: A Doulas Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond

Birth is a really big deal. So much bigger than I ever could have imagined back in 2013, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. At the time, I was living in New York City in a tiny fifth floor walk-up apartment. We had been trying for a baby for a while but to be honest, giving birth and becoming a mother were the last things on my mind. It all felt so far away, and so abstract.

I was also naive, as many of us are when were doing something for the first time. Without giving it much thought, I found an obstetrician and planned a hospital birth. To be honest, I didnt know I had any other options.

In the years since, I have trained as a birth doula and supported many women and their partners as they navigate the birth space. I have had the privilege of sitting with them in their most vulnerable moments and listening as they shared their hopes and their fears. I have also birthed three beautiful babies and was actually pregnant with my third as I wrote this book. He grew in me alongside these pages and that unique experience gave such clarity to my words. I know the things youre curious about, the questions you have, the anxieties you feel, because I share them. Actually, we all share them. At the heart of this book you will find stories from women around the world. I chose to include these stories because I know they will help you feel seen during a time that can feel very isolating.

I think its important to share that this is not a book about physiological childbirth, although well cover aspects of it. It is not a book that advocates for one way of birthing over another. This book is to inform you of all your options, to educate you on your rights and to hold a judgement-free space for you as you tap into your intuition and decide what feels right to you on your birth journey.

Ive also chosen to dedicate space to topics that we dont talk about often enough, including pregnancy loss, the isolation of motherhood, birth trauma, identity shifts and the mental load women carry. These experiences are universal but so often veiled in silence.

And finally, please know that the information here is for you to take or leave as you please. It is not intended to feel like work; a to-do list to be checked off. It is simply information that I hope you find helpful. I have been working intimately with women for many years now and I often find that we get so tied up in the things we think we should be doing that we leave little space for our intuition to guide us.

Lets change that.

I know it might sound a bit out there but stick with me: consciously conceiving your baby can have long-lasting positive impacts for you, your child, your family and our planet.

So what exactly is it and how can you do it? Conscious conception a term first coined in the 1980s by midwife Jeannine Parvati Baker looks different for everyone but at its heart, it is preparing your mind, body and soul for pregnancy, birth and parenthood.

Throughout your motherhood journey, tune into your body and listen deeply to what it is telling you. You are entering into the unknown, into a space that, for all its beauty, also brings fear and hope and change and vulnerability. Let these words guide you, and trust yourself and your ability to make decisions that feel right in your head and calm in your heart.

The idea of surrender is an important one. I think it exists in every part of pregnancy and birth, and it is likely alive and well during conception too. Ask yourself: am I ready to step outside my comfort zone, into one that is not really within my control? Youre moving into a place of true vulnerability as you attempt to undertake pregnancy.

Jessica Zucker, PhD
psychologist and author specialising in
reproductive and maternal mental health

One of the first things many of us do when we decide wed like to start trying for a baby is to come off some form of birth control.

For most of our reproductive lives, weve been trying our best not to get pregnant; now that were open to the idea, wed like it to happen immediately. There are so many good reasons to be patient during this time, to take things slow and to allow your body time to catch up with your mind and your baby-making plans.

The perfect place to begin is by having an awareness of your menstrual cycle and paying close attention to your cervical fluid, the colour of your blood, the length of your cycle and how you feel during it. All of this will give you incredible insight into your fertility and overall health and wellbeing.

The average length of a womans cycle counted from the first day of one period to the first day of the next is twenty-eight days, but can range anywhere from twenty-one to thirty-five days. Our fertile window is only about six days per cycle. It is essential to know when this window is if you are hoping to conceive or would like to use the fertility awareness method as a means of contraception (which, by the way, has a similar success rate to the pill if followed precisely).

To track your ovulation in preparation for pregnancy, start by paying attention to your cervical fluid the mucus-like discharge that appears about midway through your cycle. When this fluid becomes slippery, stretchy and egg white-like, it is one indication that you are fertile. Another is your basal body temperature, which you can track using a basal thermometer readily available at pharmacies and online. Take your temperature first thing in the morning every day and track it throughout the month. Just before you ovulate your temperature will drop slightly, and then during ovulation it will rise about 0.3 degrees Celsius (0.5 degrees Fahrenheit). Once youve tracked your fluid and temperature for a few months, youll get to know your bodys unique rhythm and discover your fertility window. And an important note here: your egg will only live for twelve to twenty-four hours after it is released, but sperm can stay inside you for up to six days after sex (hence the six-day fertile window). When trying to conceive, its a good idea to have sex every second day in the lead-up to ovulation and then also the day after ovulation to give yourself the best chance.

Throughout these months of charting your cycle, start also paying close attention to the colour of your period blood as well as any symptoms youre having, such as cramping, heavy or light bleeding, missed periods, spotting, clots, acne, headaches, bloating, mood swings, constipation and diarrhoea. We are so often told that these symptoms are a normal, albeit annoying, part of being a woman, when in actual fact they are a window into our hormonal health and vital to understanding our fertility.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you might like to find a herbalist, acupuncturist, naturopath, Ayurvedic practitioner or functional medicine doctor who can help you balance your hormones and bring your body back into alignment during the preconception phase. This work throughout preconception will have long-lasting positive effects on your overall health and wellbeing.

Take the time to rest during the first day or so of your cycle and allow others to take care of you (this is excellent practice for postpartum too, by the way). Youll notice you feel particularly exhausted on the first day of your period, and not in the mood to do too much. Listen to your body. We live in a patriarchal society, so menstrual leave from work is most definitely not the norm, but my hope is that this slowly starts to change and that as a society, we can begin to adjust our entrenched practices to sync more with the lives of women. In the meantime, if you are unable to take the day off work, do what you can to take it easy. Allow yourself to say no more often. Whatever your conditioning and stories of periods were growing up, reclaiming your cycle now can be healing.