Vivian James Rigney - Naked at the Knife-Edge: What Everest Taught Me about Leadership and the Power of Vulnerability

A spellbinding story of resilience, fortitude, and perseverance, providing an inspirational guide on how to navigate challenges with confi dence, curiosity, and authenticity.

ADENA FRIEDMAN, President and CEO, Nasdaq, Inc.

What Everest Taught me About Leadership and The Power of Vulnerability

Naked at the Knife-Edge

Vivian James Rigney

Naked at the Knife-Edge

What Everest Taught Me about Leadership and the Power of Vulnerability

2022 by Vivian James Rigney

All rights reserved.

No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, magnetic, and photographic, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher.

No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

Published by Forefront Books.

Cover Design by Bruce Gore, Gore Studios, Inc.

Interior Design by Mary Sue Oleson, BLU DESIGN CONCEPTS

Jacket Photography by Paul Fejtek

Jacket Design by Tom Lau

ISBN: 9781637630778 print

ISBN: 9781637630785 e-book

M Y PARENTS, Samus and Mary, raised five boys and set an example for each of us. Hard work, education, and family were their ethos, and it pervaded everythingto live and develop oneself with purpose. It was especially good to share my writing and have them be part of the journey creating this memoir. My dad passed away before the book was complete, and the immense sadness and emotions that arose from this shock brought much into perspective. Today, I hike with his love of mountains, wildlife, nature, and Ireland in my DNA. Mum, you have always been my greatest supporter and you continue to inspire meevery single day.

To my brothersPaul, whose memory was with me in spirit every day on Everest and who diluted my fears and allowed me to find peace. Ivan, who has been an inspiration and a tower of strength during the past year, despite the challenges. Patrick and Ronan, who are the best big brothers one could havekind, generous, supportive, and always glass-half-full. And of course, their wives and each of my twelve endlessly talented nieces and nephews, who broaden the love and perspectives within the family.

To the teamI was incredibly fortunate to be supported by an exceptional guiding company, Mountain Trip, that is truly world-class. My Everest guides, Scott Woolums and Bill Allen, helped create a unique team mindset, which matched safety with individual and team responsibility and connection, and for this I am forever grateful. I am grateful to my climbing colleagues, Ania Lichota, Cindy Abbott, and Paul and Denise Fejtek, who helped create a camaraderie that sustained me and lightened the tougher days with wit, humor, and humanity, although I was at greatest risk from cracking my ribs with laughter.

To our Sherpa, who were pillars of strength and courage throughout and whose humility and humor will forever stay with me, including Dawa Sherpa, Da Ongchhu Sherpa, Temba Sherpa, Karma Sherpa, Passing Sherpa, Tarke Sherpa, Passang Gomba Sherpa, Sonam Sherpa, Sange Sherpa, Pem Sherpa, Pem Chhotar Sherpa, Da Kusang Sherpa, Perba Surki Sherpa, Mingma Sherpa, Da Phinju Sherpa, Mindu Sherpa, and Ongdi Sherpa. And especially Gomba, who led me upward from the South Summit and, eventually, to the top of the world.

To The Green Monks, a small Irish hiking group founded by my father and his closest friends more than sixty years ago, which introduced hiking as very much a family sport and still introduces new generations to the supremely beautiful mountains and highlands of Ireland.

This book would not have been possible without the wisdom and guidance of many. Thank you to my good friends Kate McKay, Shirley Chan, Susan Macgregor-Scott, and Dave Dempsey for your insights, feedback, and patience. Your belief in the purpose of this book, and helping to bring my full self to writing it, was a huge motivation for me. And indeed, for the many othersyou know who you arewho were my counsel and kitchen cabinet throughout the journey.

Finally, a special thanks to the team that helped me bring this book to publication: to Christina Boys and also Courtney Luzzi for their detailed, thoughtful, and thorough editing at different stages of writing, and to Owen Fitzpatrick, who generously shared his experience and wisdom as an accomplished writer and motivated me to just get on with it!

Go raibh maith agaibh go lir.

N EW Y ORK C ITY , M AY 2021

T HE WIND WAS BITING . My lungs were bone-dry, heaving effort with each inhalation, but there was no air.

Our lead guide, Scott, leaned against a rock, green-faced with eyes bulging. I dont think I can do it, I dont think I can summit. Im not feeling good

Vivian, are you okay? Bill, our other guide, shouted across the howling wind as he slowly passed. His mouth hung open like a sagging drawbridge and his distant eyes were squinting through the blowing ice crystals.

No air, Bill, no air! I replied.

Our small team had just reached the South Summit of Mount Everest, better known as the false summit. Hillary Step filled my entire vistaan endless, almost vertical wall of jagged rock smothered intermittently by angled, wind-sculpted ice cornices. Outlines of distant climbers, like ants against the imposing rock, hauled their exhausted bodies up on a single rope. Between me and Hillary Step was a knife-edge ridge, about one boot-width across that I would need to walk along. On either side was pure airthousands of meters falling away in both directionsNepal to the left, Tibet to the right.

Suddenly I could not move. The remaining vestiges of energy in my body rapidly hemorrhaged away. I was unable to wake, not from a nightmare but from reality, which was infinitely worse. We had climbed for almost two months on the mountain to get to this point.

What if I dont survive this? What if I never make it off this mountain? The cold grew as fear filled me, followed by intense and piercing loneliness. The horizon darkened as a cloud grew over my head. The tears that welled up in my eyes instantly froze my eyelids shut as the elements attacked me from all sides.

Why are you here? The unfamiliar voice came from deep inside me with a piercing tone. Why are you trying to prove how good you are? How smart you are? How accomplished you are?

It grew louder. Why are you here?

Its pure, unadulterated judgment stripped me bare. I felt like a fraud. Yet I could not change my realityI was here.

Why are you here?

I had no answer.

I would die leaning against this rock with this reckoning filling my head until my last breath.

I had never felt so alone in my entire life.

As leaders, how many times have we felt like this? How many times have we been in a situation where we felt trapped, overwhelmed, and alone with our own thoughts and emotions? It is this loneliness that has led me to write this booka loneliness that most of us feel in different forms throughout our lives yet rarely speak about publicly. Its as if theres a shame associated with it.