Table of Contents
Praise for Skinny Bitch
A funny, foul-mouthed ode to adopting a vegan diet.
Dwight Garner, New York Times Book Review
The authors are brazen... Theyre not trying to win popularity contests... they just want healthy people.
Associated Press News Syndicate
Ready to jump-start [the year] with an electric prod to the system?... They tell it like it is, and without delicacy.
Chicago Sun Times
Theres more solid advice in Skinny Bitch than in most diet and health books.
Bitch Magazine
By no means for the faint hearted... this is as hard hitting as it comes!
Hot Stars (UK)
This diet book doesnt sugar-coat what you have to do to lose weight.
Grazia
It made me laugh...
Marie Claire UK
Sensible advice...
Health & Fitness UK
... an absolutely hilarious read... refreshingly in-your-face funny.... What are you waiting for, you moron? Go buy this book!
Florida Today
What makes this diet easy to swallow is the books tough-love attitudepart best-friend counsel, part drill-sergeant abuse and a dash of sailor mouth, wrapped in a pretty chick-lit package.
iVillage, Diet & Fitness
To the truth-speakers and seekers who paved the way for us,
For the health food pioneers who blazed a trail for us to follow,
For our fellow foodies who love to eat as much as we do,
And for all the newly hatched Skinny Bitches who asked for this book.
Namast.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Jill Hough, we cannot imagine what this book would be without your passion, dedication, and culinary brilliance. Thank you! Talia Cohen, Jennifer Kasius, Amanda Richmond, Seta Bedrossian Zink, Craig Herman, and Victoria Gilder: For your ceaseless support and enthusiasm and for everything you do (including the things you do that well never even know about), we express our sincerest gratitude. Really. We are so thankful for each of you. For creating the perfect Skinny Bitch, we will forever be indebted to you, Margarete Gockel. Chloe Jo Berman, Talia Berman, Karen Coyne, Meri Freedman, Bruce Friedrich, Jessica Jonas, Dave and Linda Middlesworth, Jack Norris, Steve Perron, Gretchen Ryan, Lauren and Tracy Silverman, and everyone at VTM: Your commitment and generosity leave us in awe. And to everyone at Laura Dail Literary Agency, Perseus Books, and Running Press: We humbly thank each of you for being part of the collective that makes this all possible. We dont take any of you for granted.
For our friends and families, who make the whole journey a joywe couldnt ask for more.
INTRODUCTION
Whats better than eating? (If you say sex, youre either a liar or a pervert.) The answer is: Nothing! Theres nothing better than eating! Were total pigs and eating is, without a doubt, our favorite thing to do. We love eating so much, it makes us mad. We have, like, a violent passion for food. When we go out to eat, if something we order is really good, we talk about killing the chef. Or our pets. Or ourselves. Good food makes us want to die ... you know, like that expression, ... to die for. But ironically, we also care about our health.
It was these two thingsour obsessive passion for food and our concern for healththat led us to write Skinny Bitch. If you havent read Skinny Bitch yet, get your head out of your ass and go buy a copy. It will change your life. Seriously. Dont be fooled by the title; its not some dumb, fluffy, weight-loss book. Its a comprehensive guide on how to eat well and enjoy food. But its also a well-researched expos documenting the shady business surrounding what we eat.
Much of what we learned while researching Skinny Bitch blew our minds. So weve made it our personal mission to share this information. We wanted to reprint Skinny Bitch in its entirety right here in the introduction, but our whore publisher wouldnt let us. So were gonna give you the Cliff Notes...
Meat:
Hmm... dead, rotting, decomposing flesh of carcasses. Doesnt sound like something youd want to eat, huh? Not to mention the pesticides, hormones, steroids, and antibiotics. Oops! We almost forgot mad cow disease, bird flu, salmonella, E. coli, trichinosis, and mercury. Well, no wonder Americans are suffering from obesity; cancer; liver, kidney, lung, and reproductive disorders; birth defects; miscarriages; and nervous system disorders.
You can call it steak, tuna, bacon, or chicken. No matter how you slice it, its a piece of decaying, decomposing carcass. We know you like the taste, but there are other foods out there that mimic the flavor and texture of meat but dont come with the same side effects. Smarten up, bitches.
Dairy:
Got osteoporosis? Researchers at Harvard, Yale, Penn State, and the National Institutes of Health have studied the effects of dairy intake on bones. Not one of these studies found dairy to be a deterrent to osteoporosis. On the contrary, a study funded by the National Dairy Council itself revealed that the high protein content of milk actually leaches calcium from the body. These findings are consistent with many others that blame milk not only for osteoporosis, but also acne, anemia, anxiety, ADD, allergies, asthma, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, autism, and multiple cancers.
Just like human milk is for baby humans, cows milk is for baby cows. Were the only species on the planet that drinks the milk of another species. Were also the only species on the planet that drinks milk as adults. Its not only gross, its creepy. Weve been totally duped by the dairy industry and their hundreds of millions of advertising dollars. And now were totally addicted to their disease-causing products.
Theres no need for any of them. Its the new millennium. There are so many awesome alternatives to dairy products. Get with the program, bitches.
Carbs:
There is so much bullshit around carbs now; weve got to set the record straight. There are two types of carbssimple and complex. Complex carbs are not only good for you, but theyre a vital part of your diet. They consist of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes, and they should be eaten all day, every day. Simple carbs suck and should be avoided: white bread, white flour, white pasta, white rice, and white sugar. Most cookies, cakes, snacks, and processed foods are simple carbs.
So whats a pig to do? Have her cake and eat itjust make the cake with good ingredients. Duh!
Whenever we do interviews promoting Skinny Bitch, were always asked the same questions: What do you do when you get cravings for cookies? Or does that never happen to Skinny Bitches? Um, were Skinny Bitches, not aliens! Of course we get cravings for cookies. And when we do, we eat em!
Unfortunately, most people have no idea that they can truly enjoy food without getting fat, sick, or sad. So its our pleasure (oink, oink) to educate and feed the masses. We hope youll love these recipes as much as we do. If you dont, go have sex, you pervert.
Bitchclaimer
Theres nothing more annoying than recipes with a million obscure ingredients. So we tried to make all our recipes as normal as possible. However, there are a few products we insist on using, despite their potential to peeve you. You may not have whole wheat flour lying around in your cupboard, but too bad. White flour is crap for your body and should only be used when absolutely necessary. Whenever we can, we use products that are as pure and healthy as possible. And we want the same for you. We want you to replace your old, shitty ingredients and start eating better.
