Floyd - Loneliness Cure, the : Six Strategies for Finding Real Connections in Your Life

Avon, Massachusetts

They say one man can make a difference. Evidently, so can Juan Mann. In January 2004, he left behind his life in London, England, and returned to his home in Sydney, Australia. It was a lonely time for the twenty-two-year-old bachelor. His parents had divorced, his grandmother had fallen ill, and he had recently ended a promising relationship with his fiance. One night, feeling dejected and alone, he went to a party, hoping to cheer himself up. Sometime that evening, a complete stranger approached him and gave him a hug. That small gesture had a profound effect. I felt like a king! he recalls. It was the greatest thing that ever happened.

His elation was far from fleeting. Six months later, still riding an emotional high from that gift of unexpected affection, he decided to pay his good fortune forward. He found himself in Pitt Street Mall, a bustling pedestrian-only shopping center in the heart of Sydneys business district. It was a Wednesday in late June, and there he stood amidst the shoppers and businesspeople, the sightseers and families, holding a cardboard sign on which he had inked a simple message: Free Hugs.

He admits to feeling terrified at first. Would anyone take him up on his offer? Would people find his proposition strange, creepy, even pathological? Hed stood on the street for fifteen minuteswhat felt like an eternitybefore an elderly woman approached. As they shared an embrace, these two strangers in the middle of a busy marketplace, a worldwide movement was born.

Ever since that hug at the party in January had lifted Juans spirits so much, hed been eager for a way to give back. I used to say to my friends, Im just one man. What can I do? he remembers. What he did was start the Free Hugs Campaign, a social movement that now stretches across Australia and New Zealand, Asia, Europe, the Middle East, Africa, the United States and Canada, and Latin America. Recalling that hed wondered what one man could do, he adopted the pseudonym Juan Mann... and by 2006, he and his movement were famous. A video of his efforts, featuring music by the Australian rock band Sick Puppies, has been viewed more than 70 million times on YouTube. Hes been on Oprah. Free-hug events have taken place in the most diverse of places, from Israel, Taiwan, and Uganda to India, Malta, and the Dominican Republic. Inspired by what Juan Mann could do, people everywhere seemed to be spreading the love. That includes the United States, where free huggers can be found from San Diego to Boston, Seattle to Boca Raton.

By all accounts, the movement couldnt have reached U.S. shores at a better time. As a group, we Americans are starved for affection.

Perhaps you can identify with Juan Mann. How often do you find yourself feeling lonely, or craving more affection than you get? Maybe you wish your spouse or partner were a bit more expressive, or maybe youve tried without success to get certain people in your life to be more affectionate with you, so you go on wishing and hoping for more affection than you get. If these descriptions sound familiar, youre experiencing a common problem known as affection hunger. And youre not alone.

How widespread is the problem? Consider the following:

• More Americans than evernearly 28 percentare living alone
• One in four Americans reports having not a single person to talk to about important issues
• Loneliness among American adults has increased by 15 percent just in the last decade
• Three of every four American adults agree that Americans are affection deprived
• We touch our cell phones more than we touch each other

These findings paint a picture of a people experiencing affection hunger, meaning they dont get as much affection as they need and they hunger for more quality human interaction. We normally associate hunger with food, of coursebut we dont feel hungry simply because we want food. We feel hungry because we need food, just as we feel thirsty because we need water and tired because we need sleep. Our bodies know what they require to function properly, and as Ill explain in this book, meaningful human contact belongs on that list right next to food, water, and rest.

Meaningful is the key word. The truth is, if you have hundreds of acquaintances but you dont feel close to any of themclose enough that you give and receive affection with themyou can still feel lonely. Your loneliness might be situational, if, for example, the stress of a major deadline at work keeps you from sharing quality time with your spouse and children. Loneliness can also be chronic, wherein you constantly long for more substantial contact from those you know and love. Either way, loneliness, and its ensuing hunger for affection, is a condition that many people experience. If you feel lonely, you likely arent receiving the amount of affectionate human contact that you desire. And, as Ill show you in this book, affection is absolutely vital to your mental and physical well-being.

Maybe thats why the Free Hugs Campaign struck such a nerve. Theres now an International Free Hug Day celebrated in early July each year, as well as a Collegiate International Free Hug Day that has its own app. Whatever his real name is, Juan Mann must have a satisfied smile on his face to see his movement proliferate the way it has.

To be sure, sharing more affection with other people isnt going to end poverty or solve the U.S. unemployment problem. Hugging more wont free us from dependence on foreign oil or eradicate world hunger. That doesnt mean your need for affection is trivial, though. Relationships that offer opportunities to give and receive affection can solidify and strengthen your connection to the world around you, increase your sense of optimism and fortitude, counteract depression, and improve your bodys abilities to manage stress.

In other words, it wont solve our global problems, but it will better equip us to. This book will be a first step toward easing loneliness in your own life. In this book, I will:

• Explain what it means to hunger for social connections and affection
• Illustrate how common and widespread the problem is
• Describe the causes behind affection hunger and the problems associated with it
• Help you assess your own needs for human connection
• Offer six compelling strategies for attracting more genuine connection in your life

Maybe youve wondered how you can get your husband or your girlfriend to be more affectionate with you. Perhaps youd like to take your relationship with a friend to the next level. If those situations sound familiar, then you already understand what affection hunger is. I cant recall when I first heard the term affection hunger, but it was one of those beautiful moments when you discover the perfect name for an idea. If you find yourself hungry for more relationships that include affection, you probably realize as well what an apt description it is.

In the two decades I have spent studying affection, the one question Ive been asked more than any other is How can I get more? I understand that need, and this book will show you how.

If you want more affection and less loneliness in your life, Im inviting you to take a journey with me in this book. Pack lightly, because we have much to pick up along the way.