Victoria Eugenia Henao - Mrs Escobar: My life with Pablo

Victoria Eugenia Henao was only thirteen years old when she first met Pablo Escobar in her hometown of Envigado, Colombia. Married at fifteen, she was soon swept up in a terrifying world of violence and fear, as Pablo Escobar became the most feared drug lord in the world. After his death Victoria sought refuge in Argentina, where she resides today.

To my children, Juan Pablo and Manuela, for their courage and resilience in enduring the atrocious violence their father caused and the terrible periods they spent shut inside as children.

To my daughter-in-law, ngeles, who is like another daughter to me, a gift from God, for her affection and unconditional loyalty.

To my grandson, Juan Emilio, who gives me the strength and inspiration I need to overcome anything, and for the magical connection he brings to my life.

To my parents, my family, my teachers, my friends and the people who listened to me every night and read my writing, respecting my silence and my tears.

My thanks to them all for their boundless, unwavering love.

How could you sleep with that monster? one of the victims of my husband, Pablo Escobar, asked me. Were you a victim or an accomplice? Why didnt you do anything? Why didnt you leave him? Why didnt you turn him in?

Those questions are probably ones that thousands of people have wondered. The answer is because I loved him, and while many may find that response inadequate, the truth is thats the reason I remained by his side till the end of his life, even though I disagreed with his actions and decisions innumerable times.

I met Pablo Escobar when I was just twelve years old and he was twenty-three. He was the first and only love of my life. I married him in the Church, believing that marriage vows are to be honoured. I was raised in a male-chauvinist culture in which women were taught to follow their husbands without questioning.

I grew up being moulded by Pablo to be his wife and the mother of his children, not to ask questions or challenge his choices, to look the other way. I finished high school after having my first child, and from then on my life revolved around my husband until the day he died.

I endured affairs, insults, humiliations, lies, loneliness, raids, death threats, terrorist attacks, kidnapping attempts on my children and even long periods of confinement and exile. All for love. Of course, there were many moments when I wondered whether I should keep going. But I wasnt able to leave him, not just because of love but also out of fear, powerlessness, and uncertainty about what would become of my children and me without him. I was even afraid that the most dangerous man in Colombia might hurt me if I left him.

In 1984 when our situation had become immensely complicated after the assassination of the minister of justice, Rodrigo Lara Bonilla, on Pablos orders and during the nine years that followed, I lived in terror. Pablo showed complete disregard for the consequences of his actions, much less for their effects on his own family. His senseless frenzy of activity left no room for any questioning or criticism, and I lacked the strength necessary to leave him even when many others did.

Every single day in the late 1980s and early 1990s was a life-or-death matter for all Colombians; all of us were held hostage by my husbands war, and escaping the brutality unleashed by Pablo was our biggest challenge.

One night in 1988, a car loaded with 1,500lbs of dynamite exploded outside our front door while we were sleeping. It marked the beginning of a fierce narco-terrorist war, with us as the main target of my husbands enemies. Miraculously, we survived, but from that point on we had no choice but to heed Pablos decisions on how, when and where to move around.

By the time I realised how far removed Id become from the brutal reality around us, it was too late. I was very young, naive and blind to reality, and so I succumbed; I was often quite comfortable, but it was always comfort born out of the ignorance that comes with having no right to look, think, decide, choose or question.

The last period of Pablos life was a very lonely one; he was surrounded by many men, but few friends. Thanks to his unfettered greed and ambition, he lost control of everything. He did all his own thinking and planning; he took over our lives and violently took the life of anything that crossed him. I wasnt strong enough to confront him, though I often rebuked him for his actions. He never listened.

The lives of myself and my family were utterly transformed after his death. I found myself forced to negotiate with his enemies, coordinate a settlement with the Colombian government, legally change our identities, look for a country to take us in, and figure out how to take care of my children and my daughter-in-law. My love for them revealed strength I never knew I had, which allowed me to do things Id never imagined. But I also realised that no matter what we did, my children and I would continue to be identified as Pablo Escobars family, and would carry all sorts of social stigmas to our graves.

My son, Juan Pablo Escobar, today Sebastin Marroqun, decided to show his face to the world in 2009 with the documentary Sins of My Father, in which he asked for forgiveness for Pablos crimes. In publishing his books, Pablo Escobar: My Father and Pablo Escobar in fraganti, he strove to tell our story with the sole aim of preventing our experiences from ever being repeated. My sons courage inspired me to follow in his footsteps and, with his help I, too, decided to offer an account of all the things I felt and experienced back then.

It took me twenty-five years to stand up, come out of my internal confinement, and conquer my fear in order to describe my life with Pablo Escobar in my own words. Despite all the years I spent with him, it was my research for this book that allowed me to begin to contextualise and really understand what happened in our lives. To accomplish that, I had to overcome my fear of being criticised and rise above the doubts of the many people who asked me to drop the subject and not to continue. In my view, there was no turning back I wanted to leave those years of silence behind. Telling my story became absolutely essential for me.

Now, with the perspective granted by the distance and wisdom of the passing years, I have watched the film of my life again with great attention, and I am now aware of my responsibilities and irresponsibilities, of all the things I got right and the very many I got wrong.

My research for this book showed me that there were many things I didnt know about my husband, so much so that some elements of the story are completely unfamiliar to me, and others I find frankly horrifying.

When he finished reading the manuscript, my son commented that though hed thought he knew almost everything about his father, this book has undermined his image of Pablo in fundamental ways. The research and writing process has been painful and sometimes even tearful because it has caused me to question many of my decisions and reflect on the things I did do and those I failed to do. Writing has been a sort of catharsis, a journey into the depths to investigate this story that has devastated the hearts and souls of thousands of families.