Davis - A legacy of madness: recovering my family from generations of mental illness

Endorsements for A Legacy of Madness

A Legacy of Madness breaks down the barriers of silence that shroud mental illnesses within families for generations. It also details the larger problem of stigma and the failures of a system ill-equipped to provide adequate treatment and support. By sharing the story of his family history and his own personal journey, Tom Davis provides hope and inspiration to others.

Rosalynn Carter, Former U.S. First Lady and Chairperson, the Carter Center Mental Health Task Force

This is a book from the heart, and for any family with somebody who has mental illness, this is a must-read.

Former New Jersey Governor Richard Codey, Mental Health Advocate and Author of Me, Governor?

A LEGACY OF MADNESS

Recovering My Family from Generations of Mental Illness

TOM DAVIS

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

800-328-9000
hazelden.org/bookstore

2011 by Hazelden Foundation

All rights reserved.

Published 2011 Printed in the United States of America

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwisewithout the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Davis, Tom, 1967

A legacy of madness : recovering my family from generations of mental illness / by Tom Davis.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-61649-121-5 (softcover)

ISBN 978-1-61649-303-5 (ebook)

1. Davis, Tom, 1967 2. Davis, Tom, 1967Family. 3. Mental illnessSocial aspectsUnited StatesCase studies. 4. Mentally illFamily relationshipsUnited StatesCase studies. 5. Children of mentally ill mothersUnited StatesBiography. 6. Mentally illUnited StatesBiography. 7. SuicideSocial aspectsUnited StatesCase studies. 8. FamiliesUnited StatesCase studies. 9. Intergenerational relations United StatesCase studies. 10. Hillside (N.J.)Biography. I. Title.

RC464.D38A3 2011

362.196890092dc23

[B]

2011031933

Editors note

The names, details, and circumstances may have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication.

This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.

13 12 11 1 2 3 4 5 6

Cover design by David Spohn

Interior design by David Spohn

Typesetting by BookMobile Design and Publishing Services

A CENTURY AGO, THE SYMPTOMS of mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and multiple-personality disorders, among others, were well-known. But there was a dearth of treatment options that could have saved the millions who suffered. Many people with mental illness were locked away in psychiatric hospitalsor facilities commonly known as asylumsand treated in decrepit, inhumane conditions.

At the time, on October 4, 1928, my great-great-grandmother, Lydia Winans, and her son, Frederick, ended their long, yet troubled lives by flipping on the gas jets of their kitchen oven and suffocating themselves. Five years later, Lydias other son, Edward, did the same thing, taking painstaking care to make sure that he was more successful in death than he was in life. They found a way out because there was no way back in, since their only alternative was evaluation, medication, and then a world of confinement or mistreatment.

All three were believed to have suffered from symptoms that would eventually be identified as obsessive-compulsive disorder or neurosis: perfectionism, low self-esteem, depression, and fear. None of them were ever diagnosed, because all of them likely feared the consequences.

In the 1950s and 1960s, psychotropic drugs that could have alleviated my familys symptoms of mental illness became more prevalent. My grandfather, Richard, who was Edwards son, saw many of these advances while serving as personnel director at Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital in Morris Plains, New Jersey. Ironically, he was a sufferer himself; some say he took the job because he saw much of the same sickness in the patients that he saw in his familyand maybe even in himself.

Instead of seeking treatment, however, Richard, who was known as Dick, chose the path of his ancestors, using alcohol to suppress his own symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)particularly his perfectionism and fear of germsthat would eventually overwhelm him too.

As my mother Dede battled postpartum depression in the late 1960s, she became an alcoholic, and her fear of germs became much more pronounced after her third pregnancy. She was the first member of my family to be treated for mental illness; as a result, she was the first to be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Like her father Dick, she was ultimately overwhelmed by those symptoms. She died in 2003, decrepit physically and emotionally, never having fully recovered after two long stints in Ancora Psychiatric Hospital near Camden, New Jersey.

As my mothers condition steadily deteriorated, my brother and I suffered from anorexia and bulimia, and I have been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have, at times, found myself heading down a familiar destructive path, and Ive sought assistance through counseling, psychiatric treatment, and medication.

But I feel like Im on the back end of a long, perilous ride that came to a head on January 18, 2003, the day my sister found my mother dead.

I never feel safe.

Even after generations of my family suffered, and died largely because of their inflictions, my family had very little contact with mental health professionals, and we read very little material that could have guided us as we battled the symptoms of mental illness. We knew my mothers repeated hand washing, her fear of germs, and her stubborn possessiveness were signs of neurosis. I knew my tendency to force myself to vomit as a way to relieve stress and fear didnt seem right. But we followed the path of self-destruction rather than treatment, largely because we chose the path of ignorance and fear. Treatment and the unknown, downright scary consequences of it were, as many say, a fate worse than death.

We knew that many of the same problems that existed when my grandfather was personnel director at Greystone, from 1949 to 1979, remained. Housing at mental health facilities was still overcrowded. Treatment options and insurance coverage to pay for them were lacking. Psychiatric facilities that took insurance, and provided what could be considered the right level of care, were scarce.

Perhaps most important, the stigma of diagnosis has been, and still is, the kind of thing that could destroy a reputation, kill a career, and ruin a life.

Since I was a child, Ive often wondered why I am so imperfect, why my mother wasnt a so-called typical mother, and why my father was so stressed about it. I had the belief that other people didnt experience the same issues. Id see people participate in sports or Cub Scouts and they just seemed too perfect. To me, they always seemed to have perfect clothing, to be perfectly groomed, and to be perfectly mannered. My family was jealous, because we knew wed never be like them.