Lennon John - John

For my son, Julian, and for Johns sisters, Julia and Jacqui,
all three of whom have had to cope with the pain that being
part of the Lennon legend imposed

And for my husband, Noel, with love and thanks

Thank you to my family, my parents, Charles and Lilian Powell, and brothers, Tony and Charles, for giving me the love and grounding that helped me survive the roller-coaster ride my life has turned out to be.

Also to my son, Julian, my best friend and the love of my life, who has never failed to support me in every possible way.

Heartfelt thanks to all the friends who have stood by me through thick and thin, giving me sound advice, laughter and unwavering support, especially Phyl, my soul sister.

Thanks also to Julia Baird for your memories and your friendship and to my sisters-in-law, Marjorie and Penny.

Warm thanks to my editor, Caro Handley, for holding my hand through every step of the joy and the pain of writing this bookI couldnt have done it without you.

Also to everyone at Hodder and Stoughton, especially Rowena Webb, Briar Silich and Kerry Hood, for guiding me so smoothly, with humor and generosity, through what could have been a rocky passage.

Grateful thanks to John Cousins, my business manager and friend, for planting the seed of the book and whose advice and encouragement has been invaluable. Also to Celia Quantrill, for so much superb research.

Finally, love and special thanks to Noel, my husband, whose constant love and support has been with me through my darkest moments and greatest joys.

Thank you all for encircling my life.

Growing up as John Lennons son has been a rocky path. All my life Ive had people coming up to me saying I loved your dad. I always have very mixed feelings when I hear this. I know that Dad was an idol to millions who grew up loving his music and his ideals. But to me he wasnt a musician or a peace icon, he was the father I loved and who let me down in so many ways. After the age of five, when my parents separated, I saw him only a handful of times, and when I did he was often remote and intimidating. I grew up longing for more contact with him but felt rejected and unimportant in his life.

Dad was a great talent, a remarkable man who stood for peace and love in the world. But at the same time he found it very hard to show any peace and love to his first familymy mother and me. In many accounts of Dads life, Mum and I are either dismissed or at best treated as insignificant bit players, which is sadly something that continues to this day. Yet Mum was his first real love and she was with him for half his adult life, from art college to the genesis of the Beatles to their overwhelming worldwide success. Thats why Im so happy that shes decided to write her side of the story. For far too long now, Mum has put up with being relegated to a puff of smoke in Dads life and that simply is not the truth. Now its time to set the record straight. Theres so much that has never been said, so many tales that have never been told. If there is to be a balanced picture of Dads life, then Mums side of the story is long overdue.

Im immensely proud of her. Shes always been there for me; she was the one who kept it all together, taught me what matters in life and stayed strong when our world was crumbling. While Dad was fast becoming one of the wealthiest men in his field, Mum and I had very little and she was going out to work to support us. Mum has always acted with dignity and I have her to thank for who I am. I love her honesty and her courage, and I know its taken a great deal of both for her to write her story. Thats why I offer her my full support and recommend this book to anyone who wants to know the truth, the real truth, about Dads life.

2005

For ten years I shared my life with a man who was a huge figure in his lifetime, and who has become a legend since his death. Through the years in which the Beatles came together and went on to delight and astound the world, I was with him, sharing the highs and lows of his public and private lives.

Since Johns death Ive watched shelves full of books come and go, most by people who never knew him and who painted a one-sided, flawed picture of him and of our relationship. Many consigned me to a brief walk-on part in Johns life, notable only because we had a son. I was usually dismissed as the impressionable young girl who fell for him, then trapped him into marriage.

That was a long way from the truth. I was at Johns side throughout the most exciting, extraordinary and eventful ten years of his life. It was a time when he was at his creative best. A time when he was witty, passionate, honest and open, when he loved his family and loved the Beatles. A time before drugs and fame led him toward the destruction of so much that he had valued.

After my marriage to John fell apart I tried to escape the world of celebrity and the Lennon label by going off to find my own life. I wanted security for our son, and a life that was real and purposeful, out of the limelight. Both my privacy and my dignity were important to me, so I preferred to let others do the talking.

But somehow I was never able to escape completely. The public interest always caught up with me and I was frequently sought out for various Beatles-related projects, interviews or books. Far from fading, fascination with the Beatles, and John in particular, increased over the years.

In the early days I said no to most of the offers and requests I received. But in the end I realized there was no escaping the Lennon legend, or that I had been a part of it. So occasionally, when the project was worthwhile or I needed to earn a living, I said yes to the requests and opportunities that came my way. I even talked about my relationship with John a few timeswhich I had refused to do for several years after we split up. I wrote a book back in the seventies, and after Johns death I helped out with a biography about him and gave a couple of magazine interviews.

What I never did was tell the full and truthful story of my life with John. After our divorce I was so desperately hurt, angry and lost that the only way I could cope was to push my feelings to one side and try to detach myself from them. I succeeded so well that whenever I talked about John and our split I sounded calm, rational, accepting and even cheerful. Oh, well, these things happen was the approach I adopted. But, of course, the pain of the break-up stayed with me, even though I buried it as deeply as I could.

Now the time has come when I feel ready to tell the truth about John and me, our years together and the years since his death. There is so much that I have never said, so many incidents I have never spoken of and so many feelings I have never expressed: great love on one hand; pain, torment and humiliation on the other. Only I know what really happened between us, why we stayed together, why we parted, and the price I paid for having been Johns wife.

Why now? Because, having tried to live an ordinary life for so many years since John and I parted, I have come to realize that I will always be known as Johns first wife. And because I also have a powerful story to tell, which is part of Johns history.

John was an extraordinary man. Our relationship has shapedy much of my life. I have always loved him and never stopped grieving for him. Thats why I want to tell the real story of the real Johnthe infuriating, lovable, sometimes cruel, funny, talented and needy man who made such an impact on the world. John believed in the truth and he would want nothing less.