Aharon Appelfeld - Until the Dawns Light

THEY MOVED FROM train to train, sped past little stations, stopped at level crossings, and set out again with a rush across broad, flat expanses. It all transpired quickly and with frightening precision, as though they were no longer their own masters but in the hands of the railways, which treated them mercifully and moved them from place to place, almost without pain.

Otto was already four, and his mother regarded him as a big boy. She spoke to him and explained things to him that he certainly couldnt understand. Her long and convoluted sentences perplexed him, but Blanca was sure he grasped her intention, and she would go on and burden him with more words. True, Otto asked pertinent questions, not because he understood what was happening, but because he was frightfully logical. Blanca, who was proud of his consistent thinking, was afraid now that he would trip her up. To distract him, she told him about things that never were, toyed with his limited memory, and promised him that before long they would get to a magical place.

Where are we going, Mama? he kept asking.

To the north.

Is it far from here?

Not very.

Is the north in the country or in the city?

The north is up above, my dear.

In her heart she knew she mustnt lie; the boy was sensitive to contradictions. Still, she deceived him, distracted him, and concealed information. Even worse: she made him promises she couldnt keep. Thus she became the accomplice of the speeding trains: together they confused him.

After a week of displacements, Otto stopped pestering her. He slept and barely poked his head out of his coat. Blanca was upset: perhaps his dreams were showing him what she wanted to keep from his sight. She thought that despite her efforts he had figured something out, and that the dream would turn his guess into a certaintythe thought disturbed her. She buried her face in her hands, the way her mother had done when headaches assailed her.

Otto sank ever deeper into sleep, and his face was relaxed. What she would do, and where the trains would lead them, Blanca still didnt know. The summer light was full. The sky was blue, and the fields were yellow and spread out over the low hills. The bright view brought to mind the long vacations she had taken with her parents. They were so far away now, it was as if those vacations had never taken place.

When Otto woke from his sleep he was pale, and he immediately started vomiting. In his infancy he used to vomit, but since then he hadnt complained about stomachaches or vomited. Now he shuddered in her arms as if fleeing from a nightmare.

Well get off here, said Blanca, and they got off right away.

It was a small village, with wooden houses scattered amid greenery.

This is it, she said, as if they had reached a safe haven.

And theres a river here, Mama. Otto opened his eyes wide.

I assume so, dear, she guessed, not knowing if she was right. Not far from the station the famous Dessel River flowed energetically. Its clear, gushing waters were well-known.

Mama! Otto shouted in astonishment.

What?

Lets go rowing on the river.

The word river, which Otto pronounced very sweetly, moved her, and she hugged him and kissed him on the forehead. A house for rent was easily found, a little wooden house overlooking the river, wrapped in vines and willows, far from the main road. Inside, darkness reigned, and dried herbs perfumed the air. The landlady, a pleasant-looking elderly woman, said, Enjoy yourselves. This was my house once. Since my husbands death, Ive been living with my daughter.

When did your husband die? Blanca asked.

Two years ago. At the end of June it will be two years.

Im sorry.

Thats how it is. What can I do?

After showing them the secrets of the house, the old woman asked, And where are you from?

From Vienna, Blanca lied.

God Almighty, said the woman. All during my youth I wanted to go to Vienna.

And you never got there?

Just once, for an operation.

Happiness doesnt dwell where we imagine it. Blanca repeated what her mother used to say.

How true, said the old woman, and she turned to go. She had cultivated a vegetable garden next to the house, and she placed it, too, at her tenants disposal.