When I was eight years old, my family and I moved to Pleas-
anton, California, which is exactly how it sounds. Most people
think of the Bay Area as very liberal and diverse, but my
parents chose a Republican hotbed that was 99 percent white.
It seemed we were the other 1 percent. Soon after we arrived,
the idea of otherness kicked in. I became aware that we no
longer had our extended family to offset what I would experi-
ence at school. Before our move from Omaha, Nebraska,
where I was born, to Pleasanton, I never thought about my
race because I come from the largest Black family in Omaha.
My grandparents babysat me, and most of my extended family
lived close to us. So other than at school, I spent most of my
life surrounded by my family members. Theres a lot of them
on the North Side of Omaha.
Within days of arriving in Pleasanton, I became popular and
stayed that way throughout school. The problem with being
popular when youre the only Black girl in your grammar school
and then your high school is that you have a birds-eye view
of all the things popular kids have access to, but not all of
those things are for you. Its one thing if youre on the outside
looking in. You never have any idea what the popular kids have
access to, but its another when youre popular, yet youre
othered. Its like theyre passing around all the goodies, and
then theyre like, Oh, none for you. Youre very aware, and it
hurts differently because its your social circle reaping all the
benefitswhether its when your friends start having crushes
on each other and begin dating and no one ever wants to date
you or no one has a crush on you, or when all of your crushes
go unrequited. Its stuff like that, or peoples parents being
weird about sleepovers at your house, preferring you sleep over
at their homes.
Growing up as a popular kid who was also the other in
a town like Pleasanton is similar to being a successful Black
actress in Hollywood. Supposedly you have all this access, and
youre reaping the same rewards, but truthfully youre not on
many levels, especially when it comes to roles and certainly
not pay. Perhaps because Ive been dealing with it most of my
life, it seemed more of the same. Its when Hollywood starts
putting you on listsThe Up-and-Comer or The Whos
Whothat you start believing the hype. You think, Now Im
in a different space from back then. But really, this is just
what Ive been dealing with my whole life, on a different play-
ing field where I must be bigger and better only to maybe be
considered equal, but probably not even that.
Once you are in Hollywood, you begin to believe that if you
work hard enough, if your movies make a certain amount, if
your television show is a hit, if you do all these things, fairness
and success are assured. But then the bar keeps moving, and
your expectations are so high because youve worked your ass
off and youve overachieved more times than you can count.
So when it doesnt pan out how they tell you it will based upon
good old-fashioned American meritocracy, it hurts a thousand
FOREWORD
times worse than if you had no expectations. When you drink
the Kool-Aid, its that poison that hits a little different.
But its Hollywood and the allure of fame, and you cant
help but drink the Kool-Aid because you have to believe that
there is another level if you work hard enough. You believe if
you achieve enough success, or if enough people know you,
that this couldnt all have been for naught. There must be an-
other level, and were all trying to get to this mysterious other
level, this A-list. Then you discover, This cant be the A-list,
because nothing has changed. Im just making more money for
other people while reaping none of the benefits.
Historically, for all the triumphs of women of color in Hol-
lywood, there are as many setbacks. There are moments when
there is enough work for each of us, and moments when it
feels like there is none. When I first came on the scene, there
were all these white teen shows and Black teen shows, and
there were many opportunities for new and up-and-coming
people to work consistently. There were just a ton of opportu-
nities for younger Black talent. Then there was a drought until
Halle Berry won the Oscar for
Monsters Ball.
That created
more work, but not as many starring roles for anyone who
wasnt Halle. I go from starring in
Bad Boys II,
which opens at
$55 millionOh my God, youre the It girlto my next role
as the fifth or sixth lead on
City of Angels,
a CBS medical
procedural. Taraji P. Henson gets an Oscar nomination for
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,
and she gets cast as
the third lead on a CBS crime procedural. Octavia Spencer