Christine Stein - Climbing Out of the Wreck: A Survivors Tale

Breakdown

A ll of the children had a sense of impending disaster, but none of us could have imagined what was about to happen. It began on an afternoon when I was thirteen and came home from school to find the house unusually quiet. I called out to my mom but there was no answer. As I walked into the hallway that connected the living room to the back of the house, I saw her running from one bedroom to another. She was stark naked. I called out, Mom, whats happening?

At the sound of my voice, she stopped and wheeled around to face me. Her hair was mad and she was wearing sunglasses even though we were inside. In a conspiratorial whisper, she said to me, There are aliens in this house and under the floor and theyre getting into my skin, and taking over everything! I started to cry. She didnt seem to notice and said, I want you to hear this, and be quiet. Put your ear to the floor and listen, listen . Cant you hear them? Theyre talking right now.

I was really scared. I ran to the phone and called Henrys office. As soon as I heard his voice, I broke down and, through my tears, told him what was happening. He said hed be right home. Before he arrived, Rick, Katie, and Janie came in and I told them the situation. Gigi had locked herself in her room but unlocked it when Henry came and called to her through the door. As soon as he disappeared into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him, we heard them screaming at each other.

What the hells going on? Are you drunk again? How could you do this in front of these kids?

Then her voice, shrill and hostile, came through the walls. Bastard, she said back at him. Who are you fucking now?

The door opened and Henry came out red-faced, Get food for yourselves, he ordered us, Go out and play and ignore this. I hate to tell you, but your mothers a drunk. Ignore her.

For reasons I couldnt understand, he left her in that state for a week. I was so scared for her I didnt even want to go to school. I would go into her room and lie on her bed, and stay there while she listened to her Patsy Cline albums. Even though I didnt know what was happening, I sensed that this was beyond any of the episodes I had witnessed before, and for the first time, felt like I was losing her. Dr. Morris stopped by once during the week to give her some drugs, but sedating her was not going to solve the problem. The house felt like a pressure cooker that was just waiting to blow.

And it did. Katie and I were in my bedroom when we heard Henry call out, Katie, Christine, get in here and help me! We ran to the master bedroom and there was my mother, completely naked, her body painted red with cream rouge.

Her face, her breasts, and her stomach were smeared with it, and she was screaming at my father a curse she probably heard from my grandmother Leoti, White man speak with forked tongue! While she assaulted him verbally she was also jabbing at his throat with a jagged piece of glass she had broken off from her hand-held mirror. Henry grabbed her from one side, Katie and I from the other, and we held her down on the bed. In the midst of this struggle, she noticed Katie and me holding her and said in a plaintive voice, My babies. I felt so sorry for her.

Our presence seemed to calm her a bit. Henry grabbed the broken mirror from her hand and said to Katie and me, Keep talking to her, Im going to make a call. I saw he was scared and it scared me even more to see that. He said, Help your mother get dressed; were going to take her to the hospital.

When he left, I turned and told my mother I loved her. You look so pretty, I said. At these words, she seemed to snap back for a moment and replied, I love you too, my babies. We dressed her, and walked her out. Rick and Janie came in and then the four of us got into Henrys car. On the way to the hospital, we kept telling her that we loved her, hoping that would bring her back. She was crying all the way, wailing like a baby. When we arrived at the emergency room, Henry went inside and some orderlies came out and grabbed her and tried to pull her from the car. But she was kicking and screaming and wouldnt get out. They pinned her down and held her head. All the time, she kept wailing and acting like a caged animal. We were all pleading with her, Please. Please, mom. Get out of the car.

Eventually, they pulled her out and took her into a room. We could hear her through the door, still screaming. Henry took out some money and gave it to us and said, Go get some candy from the vending machines and wait. Then he followed her into the room.

An hour passed, during which her screaming through the walls never stopped. I couldnt eat the candy we bought and just held it, wondering why her screaming wasnt stopping. I wanted somebody to make her feel better. We were all scared and asking each other: Why arent they giving her medicine to make her feel better? Then the door opened and Henry came out and told us that they were going to take her to another place. They wheeled her out on a gurney. She was in a straitjacket and her face was so red it looked like it was on fire. She was screaming for her first child Timmy, whom she had lost. At that moment, I felt in my heart that from this point on, my life with my mother would never be the same.

They had strapped her down. Her hair was matted, and she was sweaty, and so worn out that she was reduced to whimpering, Timmy, Timmy, and then, I want to die. I just want to die. They put her into an ambulance to take her to a psychiatric hospital in Pasadena and we followed behind in the family wagon. She was crying as they wheeled her into the facility. Henry followed her gurney in and a lady came out to meet us.

When she saw the four of us children, she looked very sad and tried to reassure us, Your mothers doing all right, and were going to help her. Shes going to stay with us for a while.

The lady led us into a game room that had a green velvet pool table. Two men in their twenties who appeared to be patients were already there. One of them had a moustache and a jet-black pompadour and looked like the television character Fonzie. He was sitting in a corner, listlessly strumming a guitar. I didnt know it then, but his name was Clark Hassan and he was about to play a large role in my mothers life and mine.

Rick and Janie had started to play at the pool table when the other young patient began circling them in an animated fashion. He grabbed a pool cue and was jabbing frenetically at the balls on the table and then at Rick, who pushed him away with his own stick. This jousting looked like it was about to become serious when Rick said to Janie and me, Get out of the room! and we all left. We wanted to say goodbye to mom, but the lady intercepted us and said that was not going to be possible.

Driving home, it was very quiet. When we got there, we asked Henry when she was coming back. He said Dont worry about it. They will make your mom better. Go watch TV. We were all exhausted and drained from the days events. Henry retired to his bedroom. Not long afterwards, I followed him to the back of the house. I wanted to hug him, and I wanted him to hug me. But I could see through his door, which was slightly ajar that he was bent over and crying. At six-foot-two and weighing 220 pounds, Henry was an imposing figure. Normally, he was confident and sarcastic. It was the only time I had ever seen him so hurt and lost.

A week later, we went back to the hospital for a visit. I was so happy and excited. All I could think about was that I was going to see my mom and she would be coming home. When we got there, she was in a white gown and heavily drugged. Her eyes were disconnected and ghost-like. It was as though someone had taken her soul. Many years later, she and I talked about this first meeting and she told me that she was on a suicide watch and they had stripped her and tied her down for the whole week and kept her drugged. The first time they let her up was when we came to see her.