The Midwifes Sister
CHRISTINE LEE
Dedicated to the memory of my sister Jennifer,
whose courage and fortitude led to me
writing this book
GIVE TIME
So take your time, enjoy it at your leisure,
Relish your hours, yet watch them pass away,
Or save time, and relinquish every pleasure
In mourning for a morning or a day,
Or, keep time, and tap out its subtle measure
Dancing in rings until steps go astray
But give time, and receive times finest treasure,
Visions of stars and galaxies at play.
Move through times inner rooms and corridors,
And die imprisoned behind solid walls,
Trace each of times results from its first cause
And hear times hidden echoes and footfalls,
Then listen to time clapping its applause
And beg for time for extra curtain calls.
RICHARD BURNS
PROLOGUE
The moment we went into the house we knew something was wrong. We stood in the hall, my sister and I, listening, hearing nothing but the ticking of a clock in the distance. It was the quiet that was peculiar. Ours was a house always filled with life laughter, singing and the sound of the wireless. It was as if we had come to the wrong place. Seconds passed while we absorbed the unfamiliar, unsettling atmosphere. I looked up at Jennifer. She was the eldest and biggest. Her expression was serious, her face a picture of concentration. I slipped my hand into hers and stayed silent, waiting for her to make a move. Without a word we headed up the stairs and crept from room to room looking for our parents, even though we both already sensed that we would not find them. Still, we went on searching, finally returning to the landing on the first floor and sitting at the top of the stairs. I hung on to Jennifers hand.
In the hall, just inside the door, were the bags we had brought back from our holiday at the seaside. We had been dropped off by one of our aunts. Our mother, Elsie, had been with us for the first few days, but Gordon, our father, had not come down as he was working. Mother, missing him, had decided to return home early to Amersham and surprise him, leaving us behind with our aunts. I didnt mind her going and neither did Jennifer. It was not as if we were abandoned, as the house in Jaywick Sands, near Clacton, we knew well and loved and, anyway, we also loved our aunts.
The day our mother left she looked wonderful, her long dark hair newly washed, her favourite lemon-coloured dress swishing around her legs. She was full of joy, elated, effortlessly casting bright sunbeams as she kissed us goodbye.
That day was the last time for a long while that we saw her like this.
Jennifer got up and tugged me to my feet and we left the house. We went to see our grandmother, who lived opposite. She was a reassuring presence and explained that our mother was ill, but not what had happened, or where she was. We didnt ask. Later, our father returned and took us back to our own home. He seemed his usual affable self and pleased to see us. He made us something to eat and put us to bed but told us nothing about our mother and, again, we wondered but didnt ask.
I think we were too afraid of what he might say.
It was the autumn of 1945. I was seven and Jennifer had recently had her tenth birthday. We knew that whatever had occurred had to be serious. What we didnt know was that our childhood as we had known it was over.
PART 1
When I Was a Child
Gordon aged ten on his mothers farm.
My mother at her sister Doriss wedding, sitting on the front row, the second on the left.
Beginnings
From a very young age I did everything with my sister, Jennifer. We had huge freedom and enjoyed great adventures together, just the two of us. I dont ever remember our parents being anxious about our exploits or trying to stop us from going off on our own, exploring. They encouraged us to be strong and independent and probably knew little of what we got up to. We more or less did as we liked.
I was born on February 1, 1938 and brought up in Amersham, in Buckinghamshire. My father was sent off to register my birth, under instructions from my mother that I was to be called Rosemary Elsie. He preferred Christine Mary, registered me as such, and Mother had little choice but to accept it. Christine was soon shortened by most people to Chris, although my father always called me Christabel. By the time I came along, Jennifer was a determined child of two and a half. One of my earliest memories when I was perhaps three years old was of us going for cycle rides as a family; my father in front, me on the back of his bike, then Mummy, and behind her, Jennifer. Seeing my sister pedalling like a mad thing, I felt very proud to be sitting in some comfort behind my father. We went for walks, too, which I loved and hated in turn, since my legs were shorter than theirs. I would struggle on, often arriving at our destination to find half the picnic had already gone.
We often went to the seaside, to the house at Jaywick Sands, which my father had bought at the beginning of the war. He had an open-top car and Jennifer and I would stand on the back seat regardless of the weather. Wind and rain were nothing to us. We laughed, tipped back our heads, and caught droplets of rain in our mouths as we sped along. In the 1940s, there were few other cars on the roads and no seat belts or laws about children being strapped in and cars did not go at the speeds that we drive at today. We found it exhilarating. If the rain came down, it was not my fathers habit to stop the car. He drove on, and we sang at the top of our voices. Jennifer and I loved Two Little Girls in Blue from the Broadway musical of the same name: Two little girls in blue, lad / two little girls in blue / They were sisters, we were brothers / and learned to love the two / And one little girl in blue, lad / who won your Fathers heart / became your Mother / I married the other / but now we have drifted apart. We thought this very beautiful and sad at the time.
In 1942 the country was at war, but for us as a family the conflict and its horrors seemed a long way off as we escaped to our house by the sea, where friends and relations gathered during the holidays and an atmosphere of fun and goodwill prevailed. Jennifer and I would run onto the long, wide, empty beaches, braving the mountainous seas, with their huge waves; we made ever-larger sandcastles, and buried each other up to our necks in cool, damp sand. We laughed as we danced with lengths of seaweed, tossing them around, and collected exquisite shells and debris from ships, brought in on the tide. I loved catching in my hands the tiny crabs inhabiting the rock-pools and in doing this I thoroughly enjoyed the only power I ever had over my big sister, for she hated these tiny creatures, and I loved to chase her unmercifully with them. She would then reciprocate by pinning me down on the beach, and tickling the soles of my very sensitive feet. As for her own feet, Jennifer always seemed to have them bare whenever she could and even in adulthood would walk around without shoes, even on roadways. It didnt seem to bother her. She was tough.