Lois Lowry - Anastasia Off Her Rocker

Copyright 1984 by Lois Lowry

All rights reserved. Originally published in hardcover in the United States as Anastasia, Ask Your Analyst, by Houghton Mifflin Books for Children, an imprint of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 1984.

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016.

www.hmhco.com

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:

Lowry, Lois.

Anastasia, ask your analyst.

Summary: Anastasias seventh-grade science project becomes almost more than she can handle, but brother Sam, age three, and a bust of Freud, aid her nobly.

[1. GerbilsFiction. 2. Brothers and sistersFiction.]

I. Title.

PZ7.L9673Amc 1984 [Fic] 83-26687

ISBN: 978-0-395-36011-0 hardcover

ISBN: 978-0-544-43959-7 paperback

eISBN 978-0-547-34507-9
v4.0816

For the child in Nebraska

who wrote and suggested

that the Krupniks should have pets,

and Sam should have

a friend

Mom! shouted Anastasia as she clattered up the back steps and into the kitchen after school. Guess what Meredith Halberg gave me! Just what Ive been wanting! And it didnt cost anything!

Mrs. Krupnik put a casserole into the oven, closed the oven door, and adjusted the temperature. She turned around. Let me think, she said. Chickenpox?

Anastasia made a face. It was terrible, having a mother who always made jokes. Ha ha, very funny, she said. I said it was something Id been wanting. Anyway, I had chickenpox years ago.

Well, said her mother, I cant think of anything else that doesnt cost anything.

Anastasia was so excited she was almost jumping up and down. Youll never guess! Wait, Ill show you. Theyre on the back porch. Theyre probably getting cold. Ill bring them in.

Hold it, her mother said. She looked suspicious. What do you mean, theyre getting cold? Its not something alive, is it?

But Anastasia had already gone, banging the door behind her. In a minute she was back, holding a wooden box with a wire mesh cover over it. A rustling sound came from inside the box.

Her mother retreated instantly, behind the kitchen table. No! she said. It is something alive! Anastasia, absolutely not! Ive told you and told you that I cant stand

Anastasia wasnt listening. Her mother was so boring sometimes. She undid the latch and lifted the cover of the box.

Gerbils! she announced with delight.

Her mother backed away until she was against the refrigerator. She picked up a wooden spoon and held it like a weapon. GET THOSE THINGS OUT OF MY KITCHEN IMMEDIATELY! she bellowed.

But, Mom, look how cute they are

I SAID, OUT OF MY KITCHEN!

Grouchily, Anastasia covered the box again. She took it to the back hall.

Mom, she said when she returned, you can open your eyes now. Theyre in the back hall.

Her mother sat down and took some deep breaths. She looked around warily. Anastasia, she said, you know I cant stand rodents.

Mom, theyre sweet, furry little

Rodents. Her mother shuddered.

Well, maybe. But, Mom

Her mother laid the wooden spoon on the table. She took another deep breath. Rodents make me faint, she said. I very nearly passed right out cold when you started taking the lid off that box.

Anastasia sighed. There wasnt another kid in the whole town who had a mother so idiotic. Coffee, she thought. Coffee will help. She took the coffeepot from the stove and poured her mother a cup.

Lets have a reasonable conversation about this subject, she suggested, handing her mother the cup of steaming coffee.

Her mother sipped, and shuddered one more time. Tell me one reasonable reason for having disgusting rodents in this house, she said grimly.

I can tell you lots more than one. The first is that I really need a pet.

You have one. Youve had Frank Goldfish since you were eight years old. I thought you loved Frank.

I do love Frank, but hes boring. You cant teach him tricks. You cant cuddle him.

You want to teach tricks toyou want to cuddle thosewhat are they called?

Romeo and Juliet. I named them on the way home.

I dont mean names. I meantwhat did you say they are?

Gerbils.

Okay, then. If you want to teach tricks to gerbils, I suggest you start by teaching them to walk on their cute, furry little hind legs. Right through the back door, down the steps, across the street, around the corner, and back to Meredith Halbergs house.

Mom, thats stupid.

Her mother sighed. I know its stupid. But, Anastasia, honestly, I have this rodent phobia.

I can see that. You look very pale. Im really concerned about you, Mom. Thats why its important to get used to Romeo and Juliet and overcome this very serious phobia that you have.

Her mother groaned. At least she wasnt screaming no anymore. That was a good sign.

Reason number two, said Anastasia. Theyre going to be my science project. The Science Fair is in February, and Im the only kid in the seventh grade who hasnt chosen a project yet.

I told you to do the life cycle of the frog. I told you Id help you make a huge poster describing the life cycle of the frog.

For Petes sake, Mom, thats something you do in third grade. Everybody in the entire world has already done the life cycle of the frog, in third grade. This is junior high. This guy in my classNorman Berkowitz? Hes building a computer for his science project.

Norman Berkowitzs father won the Nobel Prize in Physics last year, Mrs. Krupnik pointed out. She got up and poured herself another cup of coffee.

Well, said Anastasia sulkily, so what. Big deal. Dad was nominated for the American Book Award last year. The daughter of the person who was nominated for the American Book Award cant turn up at the Science Fair with a dumb life cycle of the frog poster, for Petes sake.

What on earth could you do with a couple of smelly rodents?

Theyre not smelly, said Anastasia angrily. Im going to mate my gerbils, and then

Youre going to what?

Mate my gerbils. Then Ill study the pregnancy, and make notes, and observe their babies. Ill learn everything to know about

OVER MY DEAD BODY ARE YOU GOING TO MATE RODENTS IN THIS HOUSE.

Whoops. She was losing ground, Anastasia knew. Time to present reason number three.

Mom, she said calmly, youre being unreasonable and irrational again. Heres reason number three. Think about Sam.

I am thinking about Sam, said Mrs. Krupnik forcefully. I do not want a three-year-old playing with nasty, filthy, little

Mom, gerbils are clean. Be calm now. You know how youre always saying that sex education should begin in the home.

Her mother was starting to take deep breaths again, a bad sign. She sipped her coffee. Thats true, she said. I do say that. What does that have to do with rodents?

Gerbils. Practice saying gerbils, Mom.

Gerbils, then. What about sex education and gerbils? And what about Sam?

Its Sams chance for sex educationright here in his very own home! He can see my gerbils having babies! Sam doesnt know anything about sex yet.

Anastasia, her mother said and sighed. Sams not interested in sex. Hes only three.

But hes super intelligent, Mom. You know how interested he is in everything. You know how hes starting to learn to read, and he knows all the letters, and all the numbers, and