Naomi Galvan - Just Breathe

Just breathe

DEDICATION

To the love of my life and my savior Monica Torres

CHAPTER ONE

T he first time I saw her was when I discovered that my locker was right

next to hers. For once I didnt feel invisible. There was something about

the way her eyes saw through mine. I no longer felt invisible. This feeling was new.

I didnt like it. It felt weird...like I was exposed. I turned the combination

to open my locker. I could see her there in my peripheral vision. The girl looked as young as I was, which isnt normal. I had skipped four grades so I was a fourteen-year-old senior. So, how old was she?

Why do you care so much anyway? I thought to myself, rolling my eyes. I put the things I didnt need for my next three classes in the locker, closed it and walked to my first class. Doesnt matter, I thought, you're invisible anyway.

It was January second, the first day back to school since Christmas vacation, and my first day as a senior. I had finished the schools program a little earlier than expected, so they gave me a test and here I was. I was exhausted. Mama had been keeping me up all night for the Christmas holiday to satisfy as many clients as possible.

"Youre a Shane. Shane's are whores. Whores dont get tired!".

Yes mama, I thought to the repetitive voice in my head. I even started hating my surname. I picked up my pace to get to the first class on time. I didnt even make it through roll call without falling asleep.

"Shadow Shane!" my body reacted before my mind, and my hand shot in the air.

"Very well," said Mr. Holloway, as a couple of retarded goons giggled at me from behind.

Fuckheads, I said under my breath.

Bret Zukerman and Mike Turner were known as a couple of perverted, mentally challenged, racist hicks, and I could see why.

I learned three names from this particular class so far. The last one was Raven Shaw, who came right after me.

That explains the locker thing. My brain chimed In again. Who cares?

My dozing off was interrupted by the bell as it chimed. History was over. What's next? I thought to myself. English, then advanced algebra, lunch, P.E., choir, then a free period before the bus left. Yay, find a room to hide in to get some peace and quiet around this hell-hole That was my life.

It didnt get interesting until third period. There she was again. Whatever, I thought. After taking roll call, Ms.Chere decided to give a very easy pre-test to see where we were at. The only hard question was the last one, I never turned down a challenge.

Both Raven and I got up at the same time. Eyes from all over the class glued to us in surprise, admiration, jealousy, or maybe even intimidation.

Ugh! Fuck being smart sometimes.

As I handed in the paper and turned to walk away, I felt a palm on my shoulder. I flinched and lurched away, "Dont touch me, Ms. Chere!" I insisted as calmly as I could."I dont like being touched."

"I apologize, Shadow." She murmured, apparently flustered from my reaction. "Dont go anywhere, Raven," she was now addressing the other girl who had stood up... Raven Shaw. "I didnt mean to violate your space, Shadow. She paused as she struggled with her words. It's just that the last question was a trick question and both you girls got it right."

For a second our eyes locked.

"What's your point?" Raven chimed in.

The teacher scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to Raven, "Both of you go see Claudia Marcos. She is the caseworker who can change your class. Maybe she will also talk to you both about expedited high school diplomas." she chuckled.

Was she joking? I thought Please be joking

"Have a good day girls and good luck.

We walked to the office to spend the rest of the period being gawked at for being freakishly smart. I wasnt sure why Raven was so gifted. Maybe it just came natural to her. Me? I just buried myself in my work. My thoughts couldn't hurt me if my mind was busy. I didn't like Raven. She seemed to know something. Something about me. Why did I feel so exposed? Maybe I was imagining things. I seemed to be good at that. At least maybe I could keep myself distracted with a more challenging class.

A Shane is not smart ...they just hold their legs apart, my mother used to chant. Her words echoed through me now.

"Go to hell!"

I didnt realize that Id said that out loud... that I defied my mother out loud. She may not be a smart Shane, but I'd be damned if I'd be the same as her. Raven eyed me. Studied me. Saw me.

"Not you," I seethed. Brushing past her. " Please avert your eyes." My mind begged of her.

We got to Ms. Marcos's office and Raven knocked on the door.

"You may enter."

As we walked in she chimed, "Ah, yes! Our miracle girls! Raven, fifteen and Shadow, fourteen. Amazing! Such overachievers! Such gifted young wom-"

"Yes, ma'am, we were sent here to get our classes switched,'' I interrupted, trying to get out of this awkward situation as quickly as possible. The less attention I got the better for me.

"Ah, yes of course! Chemistry is it? No. Calculus! Done and done. I have kept it a class you will share because it seems the two of you can be really good friends, yes? she made a command sound like a request.

I broke into a bitter chuckle, Friends? Right. I chuckled again as I snatched my new schedule from Ms. Carlos' hand and stormed out, desperate to be invisible once more.

"Hey!" I heard Raven's footsteps storming after me. "Wait! What the fuck?! You're just gonna disrespect me like that? Tu pinche culo! Who the fuck you think you are, huh?"

Suddenly a very offended Raven had me pinned to the wall.

"I expect a fucking apology!" she hissed.

"No!" I mocked her Hispanic accent playfully.

I didnt flinch as she shoved me harder against the wall. Her eyes then sparked, penetrating mine again. This time I didnt care. Let her see. Maybe she'll get the hint, I thought.

"No disrespect," I said, "I dont make friends."

Her eyes sparked again, as if what I said had registered deeply within her. As if giving her further assurance of something of something she already knew. But what?

Letting me go she observed out loud. "You're not afraid."

"Whatever you want to believe! Just leave me alone!" I replied and walked away to find a place where no one would bug me.

I found a glass room peering down at an abandoned theatre. It was so perfect. Silent, dark, and empty like me. I sat there smoking a cigarette I stole from mother. She usually gave me one a night for always being a good little whore. But sometimes I was able to steal one in the morning. I was fucking lucky she hadn't caught me yet. I'd pay. Thats for damn sure. "Who cares? I'm never turning 18 anyways. I'll die long before then," I mused. Suddenly there she was again, lighting her own cigarette.

"Jesus fucking Christ,dude! Seriously?!'"