Iris Johansen - Bonnie

CONTENTS

CHAPTER

Atlanta, Georgia
The Past

WHAT STAR IS THAT, MAMA? Bonnie lifted her hand to point at a brilliant orb in the night sky. Its shining so bright.

Thats not a star, its a planet. Its Venus. She cuddled her daughter closer on her lap. Ive told you about Venus, Bonnie.

I guess I forgot. She leaned back against Eves shoulder in the big rattan chair. Or maybe its because everything seems so different tonight.

Different? We sit out here on the porch almost every night, baby. It was a precious time for both of them. After supper, they came out on the front porch and looked at the night sky. Eve had even bought a book on astronomy so that she could point out the constellations to Bonnie. Whats different?

I dont know. Bonnies gaze never left the glittering night sky. They just seem closer. As if I could reach out and touch them. As if they want me to come and touch them.

Eve chuckled and gave her a hug. Maybe thats what you should do when you grow up. Would you like to be an astronaut and go from planet to planet?

Bonnie giggled. That might be fun. Like Star Trek. But I dont have ears like Mr. Spock.

It could still work. She smiled as she leaned her head back and gazed up at the sky. But those stars are very far away, and you dont know what youll find there. Would you be afraid, baby?

Bonnie was silent, her eyes fixed on the stars.

Bonnie?

I wont be afraid, Mama. She turned her head and looked Eve directly in the eye. And dont you be afraid either. Ill be fine.

Eves smile faded. There was something in Bonnies expression that was making her uneasy. In that instant, she didnt look like her seven-year-old little girl any longer. Bonnies expression was serene, oddly adult.

Nonsense. It had to be imagination. I wont. Eve gave Bonnie a kiss on the tip of her nose. Because I think well keep you here on Earth. No skipping from planet to planet. Your grandma and I would miss you too much. She tugged at Bonnies ear. And youre right, your ears dont look at all like Spocks. She hugged her again. And now its time for your bath. Didnt you tell me that your school picnic is tomorrow? Run in to Grandma and have her start your bath, and you decide what to wear.

Just one more minute. Bonnie put her head back on Eves shoulder. I dont want to leave you yet.

Eve didnt want to leave Bonnie either. That instant of uneasiness was still with her. Why not stay here until it faded away. One minute. Youre not the only one who has school tomorrow. I have to study for my English Lit test when you go in for your bath.

But tonight is special, tonight is different, she whispered. Dont you feel it?

Every day, every minute, was special with Bonnie. From the moment Eve had given birth to her, she had been the center of her world. But maybe there was something strange and beautiful about their closeness tonight. Something that Eve didnt want to give up until she had to do it. The thought brought an odd sense of panic. I feel it. Her arms tightened around Bonnies small body. Yes, I feel it, baby.

* * *

BONNIE CAME RUNNING into Eves bedroom in her yellow pajamas with the orange clowns all over them. Her wild red curls were bouncing, and her face was lit with her luminous smile.

Mama, Lindsey says her mother is going to let her wear her Goofy T-shirt to the park tomorrow for the school picnic. Can I wear my Bugs Bunny T-shirt?

Eve looked up from her English Lit book open on the desk in front of her. Its not can, its may, baby. And you may wear Bugs tomorrow. She smiled. We wouldnt want Lindsey to put you in the shade.

I wouldnt care. Shes my friend. You said we always had to want the best for our friends.

Yes, we do. Now run along to bed.

Bonnie didnt move. I know youre studying for your test, but could you read me a story? She added coaxingly, I thought maybe a very, very short one?

Your grandmother loves to read you stories, baby.

Bonnie came closer, and whispered, I love Grandma. But its always special when you read it to me. Just a short one

Eve glanced at her Lit book. Shed be up until after midnight as it was, studying for that exam. She looked at Bonnies pleading face. Oh, to hell with it. Bonnie was the reason Eve was working for her degree anyway. She was the reason for every action Eve took in life. Why cheat either one of them? Run and choose a storybook. She pushed her textbook aside and stood up. And it doesnt have to be a short one.

Bonnies expression could have lit up Times Square. No. I promise. She ran out of the room. She was back in seconds with a Dr. Seuss book. This will be quick, and I like the rhymes.

Eve sat down in the blue-padded rocking chair that shed used since Bonnie was a newborn. Climb up. I like Dr. Seuss, too.

I know you do. Bonnie scrambled up in her lap and cuddled close. But since its such a short book, canmay I have my song, too?

I think thats a reasonable request, Eve said solemnly. The two of them had their little traditions, and every night since she was a toddler, Bonnie had loved to share a song with Eve. Eve would sing the first line, and Bonnie would sing the next. Whats it to be tonight?

All the Pretty Little Horses. She turned around on Eves lap and hugged her with all her might. I love you, Mama.

Eves arms closed around her. Bonnies riot of curls was soft and fragrant against her cheek, and her small body was endearingly vital and sturdy against Eve. Lord, she was lucky. I love you, too, Bonnie.

Bonnie let her go and flopped back around to cuddle in the curve of her arm. You start, Mama.

Hushabye, dont you cry, Eve sang softly.

Bonnies thin little voice chimed. Go to sleep, little baby.

The moment was so precious, so dear. Eves arms held Bonnie closer, and she could feel the tightening of her throat as she sang, When you wake, you shall have cake.

Bonnies voice was only a wisp of sound. And all the pretty little horses

* * *

SHE SHOULD GET BACK to her studies, Eve thought.

Not yet. She couldnt pull herself away yet. Bonnie had been so loving tonight. She had seemed to be reaching out for Eve.

She stood looking down at Bonnie curled up asleep in her bed. She looked so small, she thought with aching tenderness. Bonnie was seven, yet she looked younger.

But sometimes she seemed to have a wisdom far beyond her years. She had always been a special child from the moment Eve had given birth to her. Bonnie was illegitimate, born when Eve was only sixteen. Her passionate affair with John Gallo had lasted only four weeks but had given her Bonnie.

And she had thought that she might give her up for adoption, Eve remembered wonderingly. Gazing down at her daughter it seemed impossible to even contemplate. From the moment she had seen her in the hospital, she had known that they had to be together forever.

Forever.

Those teasing words theyd spoken on the porch had only underscored the fact that Bonnie would be growing up and leaving her someday.

Pain.

She didnt have to think of that yet. Bonnie was still her baby, and she would have her for years to come. Until then, she would cherish every moment as she had done tonight.

She bent down and brushed her lips on Bonnies silky cheek. Sleep well, baby, she whispered. May all your dreams be beautiful.

Dreams Bonnies lids lifted drowsily. Dreams are so wonderful, Mama. You can reach out and touch She was asleep again.

Eve turned, and the next moment, she was silently closing the door to Bonnies room behind her.