Sally Herbert - My Secret Brothers: Separated at Birth and Worlds Apart, the Powerful and Inspiring Story of One Familys Discovery

Catching sight of her winding her way down the hill from the station to meet me, as she often did, you could have easily mistaken my mother for one of lifes misplaced people. The moment I caught her eye, I felt a sense of elation that she was here again, and yet a pang of sadness, too. I laughed when my partner Philip joked that she could be Mr Beans mother; I knew exactly what he meant. Other boyfriends in the past had been less kind. I remembered her showing off at a Christmas party once and I must admit it was entertaining, as her dancing was more tribal than disco. At least I understood her little eccentricities, but to some people she may have appeared odd; she certainly wasnt your average mother, thats for sure. How she managed to get stranded in a lift in the Savacentre at 10 oclock at night, when the store had already closed, or ended up being dropped off by a taxi driver in the middle of nowhere in London when she only wanted to go a few miles down the road, I will never know. Things seemed to just happen to her.

Dressed in a teenagers graffitied parker coat, her ebony hair cut in a boyish style, and weighed down by a ton of carrier bags, she drifted along aimlessly in a world of her own. I couldnt help but wonder what had changed her. When I was growing up she cared about her appearance, even when she had very little money, but now it was as though she had let everything go. Thats not to say she was an unhappy person, on the contrary, full of the Irish banter and a cheery smile, nothing ever got her down. Even the checkout girls in Tesco would ask after her, as did the man in the dry cleaners whom she used to buy charity pin badges from.

Hows your mother? Havent seen her lately, he said, checking the number on my ticket. Shes a real character you know. Cracks me up with the things she comes out with.

That didnt surprise me, since she tended to say exactly what she thought, which, to my relief, most people found amusing. Nothing she said was ever meant to offend, it was just her being her.

As she plodded nearer, I scuffed my feet on the pavement and buried my head in my scarf, trying to shake off the biting wind. I checked my watch and breathed a sigh. As usual, I had been waiting for quite a while, but at least now, with her in sight, I could stop fretting about whether something had happened to her. My eyes followed her movements as she stopped at the lights to cross the road and negotiate the fast-moving traffic. She was puffing heavily on her cigarette and dragged her feet as she ambled along, painful arthritis having caused her left foot to splay out to one side, making her walking slow and laboured. But as soon as she saw me she forgot about her ailments and her face lit up. I couldnt help but smile as I watched her wave her hand in the air like an excited child.

Sal! Sal! she called out, trying to be heard above the din of buses and heavy lorries thundering past.

Coming down to see me was the highlight of her week, when she knew that she would be looked after and could completely switch off for a couple of days; it was our little routine. Even though I was now in my mid-40s, I still needed her as much as she needed me, and throughout my adult life she had been my pillar of support when things had gone wrong.

Its not about you, my ex-husband announced, as he stormed out of the door. Its about me, and whether I still want to remain married to you!

She was there that day he left, cradling me in her arms like a broken doll as I sat cross-legged on the floor in a shower of glass and debris. And it was her who gave me the strength to move on when, eventually, I decided to relocate to Sussex and start over.

Dont worry, darling, she said. No matter what happens in life, youve always got your Mammy. You dont need a man to make you feel happy. Im telling you, theyre not worth a light the lot of them. Just believe in yerself and be strong. You know Ill always be by your side.

My marriage break-up, when I least expected it, had been earth shattering, leaving me feeling like a discarded toy; all my hopes and dreams crushed beyond recognition and making me look at my life in a different way. Now I was on my own and it felt very lonely. I had no children and no family, apart from my brother who I didnt see very often, and that was it.

There were some relatives on my dads side, but he had become estranged from them many years before, so we grew up never knowing them. It was only now, after all this time, that I had begun to rekindle a tentative relationship with them because of my genealogy research.

I thought of Mum. We were both in a similar situation. Her own marriage had ended after a long spell of unhappiness and misery but, unlike me, she had no one to turn to. It was then I began to really understand her suffering; what it felt like to be rejected and to feel unloved.

Abandoned as a baby by her mother, Mum was raised in an orphanage in Ireland. The not knowing who she was or where she came from had a devastating effect on her, leaving her distrustful of the world. But for that, her life could have been so different. Now I began to wonder about the family she never knew and why shed been given up. Just who was her mother and could she still be alive?

So much had happened to us through the years that our lives were intertwined. My childhood was dysfunctional and insecure. I craved normality and a sense of belonging, but they were absent. Perhaps thats why I used to attach myself to other families as a teenager. When I was married I became part of my husbands family. While it lasted, it was great, the feeling of being accepted and knowing that people cared. But now I felt abandoned, just like she had felt as a child. There was no one to relate to. I had friends, but its not the same as having family who cares. But why? How were we both born into worlds where we did not know our own families, I wondered. Who were they and what had happened? These questions had always been there, but now in middle age they seemed more important than ever, which made me realise that for my own peace of mind, as well as hers, I needed to find answers, before it was too late.

Mums health was a nagging issue, giving me many a sleepless night and often sending my mind into overdrive. The thought of losing her terrified me. I loved her so much, I thought I would never cope if anything happened to her.

Walking over to the car, she stubbed her cigarette out on the pavement before opening the passenger door.

Hello, Petsey, she said, manoeuvring herself and several bulging carrier bags.

Are you alright, Mum?

Yes, Im fine, Sal just not as fast as you, Pet. Ill be there in a minute. Mammys cold. Cant you put the heater on?

Yes, alright. Itll be warm soon. Have you been buying again?

Buying what?

The bags. Whats in all the bags?

Oh, Petsey, I just popped into the second-hand shop on the way down. They had some crocheted blankets and I thought theyd do your cats for the winter, to wrap them up and keep them warm.

Oh, thats kind

And then I popped into the Savacentre before I got the train, and would you believe it naw, they had boil-in-the-bag cod in seafood sauce on special offer in the frozen aisle, so I couldnt resist.

Boil-in-the-bag what? You dont mean... not for the cats, surely?

And Sal, hey, wait till I tell you this. Here listen, youll never guess what?