Jesse Ball - How to Set a Fire and Why

Some people hate cats. I dont, I mean, I dont personally hate cats, but I understand how a person could. I think everyone needs to have a cause, so for some people it is hating cats, and thats fine. Each person needs to have his or her thing that they must do. Furthermore, they shouldnt tell anyone else about it. They should keep it completely secret, as much as possible.

At my last school no one believed me about my dads lighter. I always keep it with me. Its the only thing I have from him. And every time someone touches it there is less of him on it. His corpse is actually on itI mean, not his death corpse, but his regular one, the body that falls off us all the time. Its what I have left of him, and I treasure it.

So, I said, many times I said it, dont touch this lighter or I will kill you. I think because I am a girl people thought I didnt mean it.

Someone told me they read in a book that a scientist saw a chimpanzee using sign language on a tree. Apparently the chimpanzee had learned sign language, and then it decided to use the sign languageand it used it on a tree. The amazing thing is, the story ends there. They made the chimp use it with researchers and suchno sign language with trees. I am completely against this sort of thing, and not because I think trees talk or anythingdont worry, I am very clear-sighted. But still, I betyou let this chimp talk to the trees and a decade later, well, you dont know what happens, but thats the point.

What I mean is, I have my own plans, my own ideas. Being kicked out of my last schoolit didnt really affect them. I guess I dont really care which school I go to. But, I am sorry that I only grazed his neck with the pencil. I thought I could do better than that.

It was a pretty ugly scene. They had me sitting there in the principals room, with my poor aunt next to me (I live with my auntdad = dead, mom in lunatic house) and across from us the principal, and Joe Schott, and his dad and mom. His dad owns a car dealership, which means that everyone respects him, though I dont know why. For instance, the workers at the deli call him boss even though he isnt their boss. Ive seen it happen.

Anyway, the secretary was there too, taking notes. The secretary is also the gym teacher, and I hate him, so, basically, apart from my aunt, a room full of enemies.

It wasnt lost on me that the principal sat with the Schotts. They started it out in the worst way. The principal said to the secretary, are we ready to begin, and then it was, yes, I think so.

Schott senior said something like, Lucia, we are ready to forgive you, with this horrible expression on his face, and then Joe said, I wont forgive the bitch. Im going to miss at least two games, and then Schott senior put his hand on Joes shoulder and started to say something, but the principal cut him offhe said, hold on, lets let her go first. Lucia, are you ready to begin? Do you have something to say?

Thats when I said, your little prince basketball hero shouldnt have touched my lighter. Then I wouldnt have put a pencil in his neck.

Well, they didnt like that. Joe Schott is very admired in those parts, the town darling. Theres a burger named after him at the diner, and he even has his own house on his parents propertya cottage if you can believe it, which no sixteen-year-old guy should have. I know because a girl I was in study hall with went back there with him (he is good-looking). She is awful also, so I wish them well.

Lucia, if you are going to stay at this school, you must apologize to Joe and to his family.

I am sorry, I said, that I wasnt clearer. Dont touch my fucking zippo, Joe. Eventually, these people are all going to go away and youll be left alone. Do you understand?

My aunt squeezed my leg, so I didnt say everything I wanted to.

She is really nice. I mean, my aunt is one of the kindest people in the world, I think. She must be. When we got back to the house, she said she was sorry that things had happened that way, with my dad dying, and with my mom going away, but that stabbing somebody wouldnt fix it. She understood the sentiment, she did. Also, she didnt care that I couldnt go back to that school. She would find another school that would take me. The thing she was most glad about was: the police werent involved. Probably the school had wanted to avoid a scandal. But, a person only gets so many chances.

I love my aunt. She is my dads older sister and is at least seventy years old, I dont know how. They were dyed-in-the-wool anarchists, she and my dad, thats what my dad used to say. Then, he died and she clammed up. She has enough money to live pitifully and tend a garden. She was so sweet to me, I resolved right then to be no trouble to her ever. We went to a shitty movie theater to watch an old picture about horses. It was a terrible print, and the dialogue was horrid and sentimental. It wasnt Flicka or Black Beauty, but it was completely ridiculous and awful. Anyway, we both cried a lot at the horses predicament and then we went back to the house and ate a lot of ice cream with big spoons. She said the big spoons were good on a day like that.

You may be wondering why I am giving you this account. Well, I dont know, really. A bunch of things happened, and I am just putting them in order. Im doing it for myself. You are just a constructionyoure helping me to put things in order. You are my fictional audience, and as such I appreciate you very much. I figure when I finish, I will throw this out. Dont think that I believe you are any less terrible than anyone else. Thats on youif you want to behave like a decent person, do so. Those of us who arent miserable fools will probably recognize it.

Anywaythis is how it went:

My aunt found a new school for me to go to. That school was called Whistler High School. It was the school for the next town over. I could still bicycle there, or take a bus.

I had a month off, and then it was my first daythe start of the next quarter. I didnt like the idea. You might think that I am some sort of hard case. I am just a quiet person who minds her own business. Going to school is terrible and it frightens any right-thinking individual.

That morning my aunt had a surprise for me. I came downstairs and on the kitchen table, there it wasmy dads lighter.

How did you get it?

My aunt winked at me.

I took it from the office the day of the conference. It was there on the desk. I dont want them to have it any more than you do.

What a lady!

Then it was time to go.

I always wear the same thing, so there isnt really much getting ready for me. My aunt has bought me other clothes in the past; I threw them out.

I have:

a gray hooded sweatshirt (hood up)

black jeans

a white tank top

cheap black sneakers

++my dads lighter++

a notebook & pencil

house key

some money and ID

usually some book

some licorice for if I am hungry

I believe that a person such as myself can live off licorice. Luckily, I have never had to demonstrate the truth of this claim.

When we got to the school, she stopped the car. She said, you look pretty this morning. I said it is because yesterday I cut my hair like a boy. Thats one of those paradoxes you hear so much about. She laughed.

First, I was outside the school. It was big, bigger than the other school. All concrete and glass. I didnt like it. Im not sure that theres any reason for building anything other than huts. Cant we just live in huts and be kind to each other?