Charmaine Craig - Miss Burma

A portion of this novel originally appeared in Narrative magazine.

Jacket design by Chin Yee Lai

Jacket photograph courtesy of the author

For everything that they have given to me and this book, my deepest thanks go to Ellen Levine, Peter Blackstock, Andrew Winer, and Arthur and Judy Winer.

C.C.

In memory of my mother, Louisa;

and her parents, Ben and Khin all born in Burma

And for Andrew, Ava, and Isabel

Look at the history of Burma. We go and invade the country: the local tribes support us: we are victorious: but like you Americans we werent colonialists in those days. Oh no, we made peace with the king and we handed him back his province and left our allies to be crucified and sawn in two. They were innocent. They thought wed stay. But we were liberals and we didnt want a bad conscience.

Graham Greene, The Quiet American

There she is, Louisa at fifteen, stepping onto a makeshift stage at the center of Rangoons Aung San Stadium in 1956. Give yourself to them, she thinks. And immediately one hand goes to her hip, her head tilts upward, her awareness descends to her exposed thighs, to her too-muscular calves, now in plain view of the forty thousand spectators seated in the darkening stands.

Give them what they need, her mother told her on the way to the stadium. And Louisa understands that her mother meant more than a view of her gold high-heeled sandals (on loan from a friend and pinching her toes), more than the curves accentuated by her white one-piece (copied from a photo of Elizabeth Taylor). Her mother meant something like a vision of hope. Yet what is Louisas appearance on this garish stage, during the final round of the Miss Burma contest, but a picture of something dangerous? She is approximately naked, her gleaming suit approximately concealing what should be private. She is approximately innocent, pushing a hip to one side, close to plummeting into indignity.

A tide of applause draws her farther into the light. She pivots, presenting the judges and the spectators beyond them with a view of her behind (ample thanks to her Jewish father, who sits with her mother somewhere in the stands nearby). Before her now are the other finalists, nine of them, grouped in the shadows upstage. Their smiles are fixed, radiant with outrage. The special contender, the government paper recently called her. How strange to be dubbed the image of unity and integration, when she has wanted only to go unremarked she, the mixed-breed, who is embarrassed by mentions of beauty and race. We never win the games we mean to, her father once told her.

She pivots again, crosses the stage, moving through a cloud of some nearby spectators smoke, her eyes landing for a moment on her parents. Daddy is slumped away from Mama, his balding head slightly turned, his docile look catching hers. Though under house arrest, he has contrived special permission to be here. It is even conceivable that he has somehow arranged for the pageant to be fixed. Beside him, Mama, with her demurring aspect, appears anxious, overly engaged in the proceedings. She seems to lift off the edge of her seat, her eyes alight with pride and accusation and something resembling anguish. Move! she mutely cries from her perch, as though to avoid capture by Louisas recriminating glances.

And Louisa does move past her parents, downstage, to face a view of the smiling judges and the rows of eyeglasses glinting up at her, the rifles in the hands of the soldiers manning the stands. It feels nearly benign, the applause that gives way to a flurry of coughs; almost sweet, these whiffs of someones perfume, of putrefying garbage and dampness beneath the field; even liberating, this offering of herself, of her near nakedness. Arent they all compromised in Burma? They have been through so much.

Several minutes later, before the crown is placed on her head, it occurs to her that the spectators could be worshipful congregants or penned beasts and she has the instinct to escape.

But here is a sash being slung across her shoulder.

Red roses shoved into her hands.

A camera flash.

Miss Burma! someone cries from the far side of the stadium, as if across the darkness of what has been.

When, nearly twenty years earlier, Louisas father saw her mother for the first time, toward the end of the jetty at the seaport of Akyab that is, when he saw her hair, a black shining sheath that reached past the hem of her dress to her muddy white ankles he reminded himself, God loves each of us, as if there were only one of us.

It was a habit of his, this retreat from cataclysms of feeling (even lust) to the consolations of Saint Augustines words. Did he believe them? When had he felt singularly loved, when since he was a very young boy living on Tseekai Maung Tauley Street in Rangoons Jewish quarter? Even his memories of that time and place were unsatisfying: Grandfather reciting the Torah in the Musmeah Yeshua Synagogue, Daddy behind the register at E. Solomon & Sons, and the wide brown circles under Mamas eyes as she pleaded with him, her only child, Be careful, Benny. Dead, all of them, of ordinary disease by 1926, when he was seven.

Be careful, Benny. Mamas terrified love had kept him safe, hed felt sure of it, until there was nothing between him and death, and he was shipped off to Mango Lane in Calcutta to live with his maternal aunties, daughters of that citys late rabbi. Their love was nothing like Mamas. It was meek and bland and threw up little resistance to his agony. So he took to throwing up his fists, especially when the boys at his new Jewish primary school taunted him for his strange way of speaking, the odd Burmese word that decorated his exclamations. His aunties solution to the problem of his fists, and to the way those fists brought other boys blood into their house (Jewish blood! Jewish blood on his hands!), was to pack him off again, to the only nearby boarding school with a boxing program, Saint James School, on Lower Circular Road. The location was a comfort to his aunties, who mollified their anxiety about the schools Christian bent by insisting that no institution of serious religious purpose would ensconce itself on a road whose name sounded, when said briskly enough, like Lower Secular. And no more Jewish blood on his hands, they reminded each other with satisfaction.

And they were right. Over the next five years on Lower Secular his fists found everything but Jewish blood: Bengali blood, English blood, Punjabi blood, Chinese blood, Tamil blood, Greek blood, Marwari blood, Portuguese blood, and Armenian blood lots of Armenian blood.

Poor Kerob the Armenian Tiger Abdulian, or whatever his name was. In a swollen gymnasium that reeked of feet and stale tea and wood rot, seventeen-year-old Benny fought him for the crown in the Province of Bengals Intercollegiate Boxing Championship, and never had one young mans face been so rearranged physically in the name of anothers metaphysical problems. Before going down in the first round, the Armenian took a left to the chin for the loneliness Benny still suffered because of his parents deaths. He took another left to the chin for a world that allowed such things to happen, and another just for the word orphan, which Benny hated more than any anti-Semitic slur and which his classmates cruelly, proudly threw at him. The Armenian received a right to his gut for all the mothers and fathers, the aunts and uncles and grandparents and guardians colonized citizens of the civilized British Empire, all of them who banished their young to boarding schools like St. James in India. But none of these jabs could vanquish the Tiger. No, what sent the Tiger to the mat and all the spectators to their feet was an explosion of blows brought on by something Benny glimpsed in the stands: the entrance of a young, dark St. James novice called Sister Adela, to whom Benny had hardly spoken, yet who until today had arrived precisely on time for each of his fights.