Zierman - When we were on fire : a memoir of consuming faith, tangled love, and starting over

Fire provides light and warmth, or it can bring pain and destruction. Addie tells us a story in which her fiery faith sparked both outcomes and how shes worked to contain those flames. She walks the reader through this process with such grace, humor, and utter transparency that I couldnt help but see my own faith journey in hers. A refreshing, hopeful book from an expert storyteller.

J ASON B OYETT , author of O Me of Little Faith

Addie Ziermans unflinching candor and tender vulnerability make When We Were on Fire a must-read memoir. I ached for the wholesome, eager young girl seeking to serve God with all her heart, and wept for herfor all of uswho have experienced that particular keening heartbreak of being consumed by zeal. Addie walks through fire and still comes through shining with hope.

E LIZABETH E STHER , author of Girl at the End of the World

Addie Zierman is a poet with a lions heart. When We Were on Fire is a memoir of such sophisticated and witty grace, it reads as the laughing prayer of a vagabond saint. Ziermans words take root in you, grow slowly, and push outward into a ring of endless light. Would that in my own days of fire, youth groups, and See You at the Pole rallies, I had been given this book with the single word: Hope.

P RESTON Y ANCEY , author of SeePrestonBlog.com

Addie speaks for an evangelical generation who came of age in the American teen ghetto of youth group short-term mission trips and longings for revival, contemporary Christian music, and WWJD. Her journey through the disillusionments and then her rebellion against the false boundary-markers and empty language of an on fire faith culminate in her ongoing journey of hope and redemption. There is a wise sadness to her words, a depth that disarms. Addie is a beautiful writer, but shes also bold and honest as she tends the wounds of consumer evangelicalism on her old self, and then bravely gathers up all these disparate pieces of the painful and lovely obsessive faith of her past with new grace and gentle strength to move forward.

S ARAH B ESSEY , author of Jesus Feminist

For all of us who found our way while steeped in evangelical culture, Addie has written us a love letter. Hilarious and heartfelt, passionate and poetic, her take on growing up evangelical reveals a classic coming-of-age story with an evangelical twist. Through clean and messy faith, confusion, love lost and gained, she reflects deeply on each experience with enough humility and humor to keep you turning pages through this easy and beautiful read. You will love When We Were on Fire from beginning to end, as did I.

G RACE B ISKIE , author of Converge Bible Studies: Kingdom Building, contributing author of Talking Taboo: American Christian Women Get Frank About Faith, and writer for DeeperStory.com and Prodigal & Prism magazine

Reading When We Were on Fire was like reading my own story. Its an insightful, unflinching look at growing up evangelical. Addie recounts her misplaced zeal and resulting crisis of faith with humor and poignancy ultimately discovering that a relationship with God is less about following Christian culture norms and more about following Him.

K RISTEN H OWERTON , blogger at Rage Against the Minivan, and psychology professor at Vanguard University

Its rare that a storyteller comes along with the ability to address important issues of life and faith with strength and profound openness. Addie Zierman is that kind of storyteller, and she does just that with her debut book When We Were on Fire. With a keen grasp on the intricacies and absurdities of Christian subculture, Addie bravely tells her story of a real, honest, and vulnerable faith that will resonate with readers of all ages. When We Were on Fire is a true pleasure to read.

N ISH W EISETH , author of Speak: How Your Story Can Change the World, and editor-in-chief at DeeperStory.com

Addie Zierman is a master storyteller whose sharp wit is matched only by her disarming sincerity. When We Were on Fire introduces her as one of this generations most promising new voices. Prepare to laugh out loud and nod along as this book delights, challenges, tickles, and inspires. For those of us working to reconcile the faith of our youth with the faith of our adulthood, its such a joy to have a friend like Addie along for the journey.

R ACHEL H ELD E VANS , author of Evolving in Monkey Town and A Year of Biblical Womanhood

The best kind of memoir is so deeply personal that it tells a universal story. In Addies memoir you will find funny, messy, cringe-worthy, and beautiful moments that cut close to homethose experiences that we would like to relegate to youth but in truth lurk not far beneath the surface of every phase of life. If you are weary of sanitized and teetotaling stories, and are hungry for honest and redemptive stories, then this is your story.

A DAM S. M C H UGH , author of Introverts in the Church

W HEN W E W ERE ON F IRE
P UBLISHED BY C ONVERGENT B OOKS

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV.
Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-60142-545-4
eBook ISBN: 978-1-60142-546-1

Copyright 2013 by Addie Zierman

Two small portions of this book were originally published in Relief journal and in Defunct magazine.

Cover design by Kristopher K. Orr

Published in association with the literary agency of Janet Kobobel Grant, Books & Such, 52 Mission Circle, Suite 122, PMB 170, Santa Rosa, CA 95409. www.booksandsuch.biz.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.

C ONVERGENT B OOKS and its open book colophon are trademarks of Random House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Zierman, Addie.
When we were on fire : a memoir of obsessive faith / Addie Zierman.First Edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-1-60142-545-4ISBN 978-1-60142-546-1 (electronic)
1. Zierman, Addie. 2. Christian biographyUnited States. I. Title.
BR1725.Z54A3 2013
277.3083092dc23
[B]

2013022552

v3.1

For Kim and Alissa,
who were there for the whole wild thing
and
For Andrew,
whose love makes me strong

So there I was. Alone at the flagpole. In the rain.

Behind me, Buffalo Grove High School loomed large and brown, its walls angling inward so that either way I looked, there was brick and glass, brick and glass. Inside, the school was just starting to flicker to life: a few lockers creaking open, slamming shut, the early students shuffling down the quiet hallways toward a new day.

I was standing outside on a small patch of grass in that netherworld between the schools entrance and the road. In front of me, the flagpole rose tall from a tiny concrete circle. The September rain fell steady and cold, but instead of a jacket, I was sporting my official See You at the Pole T-shirt: white with a barrage of reds and bluesa prayer-themed Bible verse splashed across in a zany font.