Harold Berman - Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope

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Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope

Copyright 2013 Harold Berman and Gayle Redlingshafer Berman. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For permission to reprint, please contact longhillpress@gmail.com

Longhill Press, New York

Authors Web site and blog: www.doublelifejourney.com
J-Journey Web site: www.j-journey.org

Cover design by Errol Wahlhaus errol@graphicki.com

Cover photo by Zev Rothkoff www.zevrothkoff.com

ISBN: 0-6157-2115-X
ISBN-13: 9780615721156
eBook ISBN: 978-1-63001-259-5

Every event described in these pages really happened. In a few cases, names of certain people have been changed.

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Acclaim for Doublelife

An inspiring story of the Jewish traditions capacity to move souls and to change lives. The thunderbolt conclusion will keep you thinking for days

Daniel Gordis
Award-Winning Author of The Promise of Israel

Doublelife captures what it means to find your true soul. Every interfaith couple, indeed every spiritual seeker should read this remarkable story.

Rabbi David Aaron
Bestselling Author of The God Powered Life

Doublelife is a moving and engaging story of a couple who found love and their destiny embracing the Jewish faith and each other. Told in an accessible format that reveals its authors charming personalities, Doublelife is a book that will speak to anyone with an open mind and a big heart.

Hannah Brown
The Jerusalem Posts Film Critic & Author of If I Could Tell You

This is a sacred story an achingly beautiful story. I was touched and moved many times over while reading it. In truth, I didnt want to let it go from the very first page. The writing is so true, so authentic, so real and alive. There is so much that is profound, so much that is heart-warming, so much we all have to learn from the Bermans journey

Susan Vorhand
Author of The Mosaic Within

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Contents

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Sometime around March each year the date varies according to the Hebrew calendar strange goings-on take hold of Jewish communities around the world. Children don costumes as if it were Halloween, minus the monsters and ghosts. With their parents, they march off to synagogue, sitting raptly at attention to the sing-song intoning of the Book of Esther. Each time the reader happens upon the name Haman, the youngsters awake from their silence and raucously wave noisemakers called groggers in the air.

To the casual observer, the scene makes no sense, though the part with the groggers, at least, can be easily explained. In the story, Haman is the Kings assistant who almost succeeds in his plot to wipe out the Jews of the kingdom. He is the storys personification of evil, and so his name must be symbolically erased.

But what of the rest the costumes and why this obscure Biblical story is publicly read in the first place? Purim the name of this Jewish holiday is all about what we cant see, what hides beneath the surface just beyond our vision. The book of Esther tells a story of undiscovered identities, dual roles, words that take on meanings beyond the obvious. The book struggles between the poles of fate and destiny, what life thrusts on us versus the choices we make. In the story, God never makes a direct appearance, yet is always present. Underneath the surface, this is no childrens holiday.

Even the books name is a hint in Hebrew, Megilat Esther simply means the Scroll of Esther. But the words Megilat Esther yield another meaning: to reveal that which is hidden. The Book of Esther is a book of secrets.

Esther is also a book of interfaith marriage, one of the secrets the storys heroine keeps even from her husband. Esther, the Jew, marries the Gentile King Ahasuerus, putting her in the ideal position to save her people from the wicked Haman. Some have interpreted the story as a Biblical endorsement, offering ancient proof that two faiths within one marriage not only works, but can be a positive societal force.

To stop there, however, is to linger on the surface as the real story unfolds beneath. Interfaith marriage is more than shuttling back and forth between two sets of holidays. It is about coming to terms with who you are in public, in private, and in those deep recesses of the soul you may not acknowledge even to yourself. It is about understanding where your partner is coming from, and then trying to understand where she is really coming from. It is about the unspoken chasm that exists, and how to bridge it, or not.

The story of Esther is not merely a Biblical relic, but a story of today. In America, of those Jews who marry, one in every two intermarry. Nearly 40% of all married Americans wed someone of another religion, while nearly 30% of American adults are practicing a different religion from the one of their childhood.

Behind these mammoth statistics lay stories stories of faith lost and found, of hope abandoned and reclaimed, of confusion and clarity, of boundaries shattered and brick walls hit. Attached to the statistics, of course, are the obvious stories, the kind the media likes to tell how to negotiate Christmas and Hannukah, Easter and Passover, and the like. And then there are the stories underneath the stories, the hidden secrets, the people behind the costumes.

These stories are not merely about the individual, but about the paths the couple does and does not walk down together. Many of these stories the stories underneath the stories are not unique. They are merely untold.

Everyone has a story. This is ours.

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All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.

Martin Buber

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May 22, 1989

Dear Gayle,

I hate blind dates. I had always envisioned spotting the woman of my life across a crowded room. We would have a long courtship. After say, six months or a year, I would propose in some idyllic spot. The woman of my life would be swept away by emotion, and we would joyfully contemplate our future together over tears and champagne.

OK Ive watched too many movies. But we did get the tears and champagne. Showing up on your doorstep and asking you to marry me after we had met just three times, and had known each other for only a week after the blind date I didnt want that part I couldnt have imagined.

And you still said yes! Please dont misunderstand me. I know deep down that this is exactly right. Its just that I cant figure out how we got here.

Im not the impulsive type. I dont rush into things except maybe an occasional appliance purchase. I usually review a choice over and over. I write down lists of pros and cons. I cover the same ground again and again. I look before I leap.

But not, apparently, when it comes to one of lifes most important decisions. My mind still reels when I try to grasp how an East Coast boy and a Midwestern farm girl found each other in the middle of South Texas. Beyond our shared musical lives, our backgrounds could not be more different.

So I should tell you a little more about the man you will marry. And then you can decide if this is who you thought you were marrying all along.