Jenni Beadle - Rethinking the Chronic Illness Puzzle

Re thinking

the Chronic Illness Puzzle

Jenni Beadle

Rethinking the Chronic Illness Puzzle

By Jenni Beadle

2020 Jenni Beadle

Cover picture from Max Pixel
https://www.maxpixel.net/Activity-Puzzle-Fun-Jigsaw-Game-Hobby-Piece-2228073

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o you like jigsaw puzzles? I love jigsaw puzzles the bigger, the better! But I will never forget doing my first 2,000-piece puzzle. I chose a beautiful landscape that I wanted to hang on the wall when it was finished. I opened the box, but when I saw all the pieces, I gulped and thought, I can never do this. There were so many pieces, they were so much smaller than I was used to, and they all looked so similar. I was sure I had bitten off more than I could chew. Then I found a few bright-green pieces that stood out. I gathered as many as I could find and started with them, and slowly but surely I put in more and more pieces and finally finished the puzzle.

I thought that was challenging enough, but trying to solve my chronic illness puzzle was worse! At least with a jigsaw puzzle, you have a set number of pieces and can sort out the edge pieces to define the limits of the puzzle. The chronic disease puzzle, on the other hand, seems to have an infinite number of pieces. Even though more and more pieces are being added, we still dont seem to have enough pieces. And it is more than a two-dimensional puzzle; there are several dimensions which all interact with each other. It can be quite overwhelming and seem impossible; however, nothing is impossible with God. I have been amazed at how He has been leading me and guiding me through this whole process.

I have been trying to write this book for many years but stopped a few years ago. At that stage, I had already tried many different treatments; I was far from healed, yet I was coping. With a combination of consistent trigger point massage and a strict diet to avoid allergies, I was keeping my chronic pain under control. I could work long hours and felt I was well enough to make a valuable contribution in my role as a language technology consultant. I was even able to serve overseas. In fact, I was even healthier in Africa, away from 21st-century Australia.

After several years I subscribed to a website called Life After Pain. I was coping with my pain, but Jonathan Kuttner, the author, seemed to suggest that it was possible to live without pain. Was that really possible? I was keen to find out, but I was too busy with work. That was something I needed to investigate, soon, but it would have to wait until my long service leave or sabbatical. I was planning to use that time to write this book as an encouragement to people that despite life with pain, you can still make a valuable contribution. The Lord had helped me over many years to overcome several obstacles. None of them involved instantaneous healing nor complete healing, but they were times where I learnt to trust the Lord, knowing that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2Co 12:9).

One of the reasons I gave up when I first tried to write about my journey with chronic illness was that the subject is enormous. There are already so many books out there. I wondered what I had to offer that hadnt already been covered in detail by someone else. Then I realised that much of what is written focuses only on a specific piece of the puzzle. As much as some authors would like to think theirs is the critical piece, one piece is not enough. So, what if I could draw together the many pieces of the puzzle and direct the reader to what has already been written about each piece, but in more depth? I already knew that just one piece was not enough to solve my puzzle. For many of us, there is far more than one major piece to our puzzles.

So here I am, trying again, convinced that I may have something worth sharing. It has been a few years since I researched for my earlier attempt, so I used Google to try to get up to date. I realised that there are so many more chronic diseases these days, and that there is no way that I can expect to cover every aspect you may need. But hopefully, by sharing my journey, it will be an encouragement to you. It may be very different from your journey, but I want to give you hope. I want to assure you of Gods love for you and that He has a plan, and the plan is working. But it may be very different from what you expect.

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et me share my long journey with you. I want to encourage you that even though your journey with chronic illness may be extended and you go through some tough times, you do not have to go it alone. God is with us in it, even though we dont always sense His presence. He also puts others alongside us to help on the journey. And it is always for a purpose. As we go through various trials, we learn to lean on Him more, and we can comfort others in their trials (2 Cor 1:3-4).

My journey has involved many trials, and despite prayer for healing, I have not had the sort of instant miraculous healing that one might hope for. Even though I have never had any instant miraculous healing, I believe I have had several slow miracles. I call them slow miracles because God has clearly been working in my life, helping me work through each obstacle. But the trials are still there, and the healing hasnt come yet. None have resulted in a complete cure, but all of them have brought me closer to the Lord and given me opportunities to share something with others to help them on their journeys.

I am a firm believer that God has a good and perfect plan for each of us. Just as we were created with unique fingerprints, I believe Gods plan for each of us is also unique. Some will get healing in this life, but for most of us, complete healing may not come until the next life. I love this quote from Francis Frangipane talking about people whose aim is to please God:

The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem smitten of God, and afflicted (Isa. 53:4). Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lords purpose for creation.

So Gods ultimate plan is to make us worshippers. I certainly hope that as I face various trials in life, I will grow and respond in a godly way, giving off the perfume of worship and not the stench of stress.

Growing up was tough. I was in the middle of five children. For most of my growing up, my mother stayed at home looking after us. With only one income, there wasnt always enough money to go around. So when I always seemed to be sick, my mother couldnt cope with the thought of medical bills and just fobbed off my concerns as attention seeking. She often declared that There is nothing wrong with you youre just a hypochondriac. She said it so often that my siblings echoed it whenever I expressed a concern.

What is it about multiple or chronic illnesses that others cant cope with? People seem to cope when you have a visible injury. If you break a leg, they can see your problem, and it usually only lasts a limited time before you are right again. But when people cant see your problem, or they cant see a visible improvement, they begin to wonder whether you are just imagining it, particularly when you have more than one problem at a time, or a succession of problems.

I had several health problems growing up. One was caused by my fathers heavy smoking. As a result of passive smoking, I regularly suffered from sinusitis, for which I felt I received minimal sympathy as I was always complaining.