Andy Molinsky - Reach: A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Rise to the Challenge , and Build Confidence

L ily Chang paced back and forth around her office. She took a bite of a muffin but put it down. She didnt feel hungry at all, even though she hadnt eaten all day. She nervously checked her phone. No messages. She then checked her pulse. Sky-higharound 95 or 98 beats a minute. It was a year since Lily had started her Internet company and six months after she had hired her best friend, Julia. And now Lily had to do the unthinkable and actually tell her friend that she no longer had a job. And as Lily continued pacing around the room, thinking of things to say and then immediately rejecting all of them, she thought to herself that she honestly had no idea if she could actually go through with it.

No one likes to move beyond their comfort zone, but as the saying goes, thats where the magic happens. Its where we can grow, learn, and develop in a way that expands our horizons beyond what we thought was possible. Also, its terrifying. In Lilys case, she had to fire her best friend. But all of us confront tasks at work that force us outside our comfort zones. It may not be firing a best friend, but it could be giving negative feedback, or promoting ourselves, or speaking up, or networking. The list of uncomfortable but necessary tasks is longand unfortunately quite challenging. And although these small things seem irksome, no one ever succeeds at a high level or accomplishes substantial goals without learning to confront them.

Take, for example, the case of Neil Kennedy, who, before Facebook even existed, had a Facebook-like website that could have potentially revolutionized the Internet. But Neil was shy and inexperienced, and the idea of walking into a room to pitch his productand himselfto a group of high-octane investors was overwhelming. In the end, Neil went into avoidance mode, tweaking and perfecting his website for such a long time that Facebook itself eventually launched and his fledgling ideas had become obsolete. He was so afraid of acting outside his comfort zone that he never capitalized on a potentially life-changing opportunity.

A different but equally challenging case comes from Annie Jones, a thirty-four-year-old account manager at a financial firm whose challenge was finding a way to be assertive and direct with a male portfolio manager who would undermine her in client meetingswhen her natural tendency was to smooth things over and avoid conflict. Annie tried to hint at her frustration, or make a snide remark here or there under her breath. But it didnt go anywhere, and the managers bad behavior just continued.

In an ideal world, no one would have to reach beyond their comfort zone to succeed at work, and all the tasks and responsibilities we need to perform would fit perfectly with our personalities. Annie would have the confidence and assertiveness to easily confront her colleagues; Neil would have the bravado to present his ideas; and Lily would have the courage, confidence, and resolve to deliver her message.

But unfortunately, this is not usually the case. Conflict-avoidant managers often need to embrace conflictor at least learn to tolerate it. Timid entrepreneurs need to be able to pitch and promote themselves and their ideas... introverts need to network... self-conscious executives need to deliver speeches... and people pleasers need to deliver bad news. You get the idea.

As we grow and learn and advance in our jobs and in our careers, were constantly faced with situations where we need to adapt and adjust our behavior. Its simply a reality of the world we work in today. And without the skilland courageto take the leap, we can miss out on important opportunities for advancement. Also, like Lily, we can fail to perform the tasks that are critical for advancing our businesses and our careers. And thats where this book comes in. The goal of this book is to give you the tips and toolsnot to mention the courageto take that leap, reach outside your comfort zone, and do it in a way that is both effective and authentic, meeting the expectations you need to achieve and without losing yourself in the process.

Chances are, if youve ever been interested in the topic of comfort zonesand are comfortable with the search function on Googleyouve come across something like what you see above.

And if you delve further into the world of comfort zones on Google (as I have!), youll find many other pictures and diagrams of similar ilk. You have brazen goldfish taking the leap and jumping from one fishbowl to another. You have people walking on tightropes, parachuting, jumping off cliffstelling you that everything youve always wanted is one step beyond your comfort zone and that youre only confined by the walls you build for yourself. And then, of course, there are the storiessuccessful and confident people who had the courage to go for it, and take a leap, and are now spokespeople for Comfort Zone, Inc., imploring us to do the same: Take the leap! Go for it! The only thing to fear is fear itself!

As you can probably tell, I have always been both inspired by these sorts of messages and frustrated by them. I love the idea that we all have a comfort zonea place where we feel capable and at easebut that stretching outside this comfort zone is critical in many cases for achieving our goalsor, in terms of the picture aboveto get where the magic happens. Thats the fascinating part.