HOW NOT TO BECOME A MILLENNIAL
By
Vince Barrick
Copyright 2020 by Vincent Barrick
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator Tagantvoort Publishing, at the e-mail address below.
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This book has been edited from its original work.
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To My Favorite Nuclear Families
Eastin, Dudley, & The Meemmeister
Chris, Dawn, Zack, & Katheryn
Matthew, Carolyn, Cicelia, and Nadine
Gregg, Val, Brandon
and that other person they
charitably hang around with
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PREFACE
Fun and fashionable as it is to pick on the Millennial generation it needs to be stated up front that no generation before has ever been so misled, so propagandized, and so misinformed. Consequently, never has there been an instance in American history where a group of elders misled a younger generation into squandering their entire lives, putting them at such a great disadvantage. Therefore, while this book is highly critical of the Millennials, taking on a mean, condemning, even scathing tone, understand this is more from a place of constructive criticism, tough-fatherly-love, even an older-brother-swift-kick-in-the-ass that they so desperately needed, but never received while growing up. The reader is asked to have some understanding and sympathy towards the Millennial generation in order to learn from what society did to them rather than use them as a philosophical cathartic punching bag.
It should also be noted that How Not to Become a Millennial is an incredibly depressing book. Additionally, it is not a light read. Therefore, it is strongly recommended that the reader pace themselves, digesting the full intent of the words written, as well as to maintain positivity during reading.
PART I
THE DISASTER
CHAPTER 1 - THE LARGEST AMERICAN SOCIAL EXPERIMENT
Whether you realize it or not, we are all witness to the final and concluding days of the largest social experiment in the history of America. Not only in terms of the number of test subjects involved, nor the decades of time it took to conduct, nor the complete scope of the experiment, but in terms of what this experiment boldly set out to do prove that humans knew better than nature.
On one side of this experimental debate is 2 million years of human existence, honed by trial and error, wars fought, mistakes made, and untold amounts of pain, suffering, toil, and strife. But after 2 million years and 100 billion human lives we derived the cultural norms, golden rules, and codified laws that culminated into the conventional wisdom that governs humanity today.
On the other side we have 50 years of the social sciences and the still-living social scientists who work within them. In a mere half a century, .0025% of the time humans have existed on the planet , these
professors,
doctors,
politicians,
philosophers,
fellows,
adjuncts,
researchers,
grad students, and
social scientists
with their
theories and hypotheses
studies and research papers
experiments and tests
thought they knew better than human nature. That humans had the cognitive ability to not only master the physical sciences such as physics, medicine, biology and chemistry, but master and understand the infinite and unquantifiable social inter-workings between human beings themselves. That, yes, you could study physics and inevitably land a man on the moon, or virology and inevitably cure a disease, but we can also study the human mind and humanity itself, solving all social ills such as politics, war, crime, discrimination, oppression, tyranny, poverty, even bullying. And if we can just unlock these hidden secrets from the social sciences, these social scientists can usher in what nobody else in history could.
Utopia.
And so these social scientists set out about 50 years ago to unlock the secrets and algorithms of humanity. Theyd study politics, economics, sociology, religion, history, government, linguistics, communications, and sexuality. Theyd study psychology, psychiatry, philosophy, womens studies, the human mind, and peoples genders. Theyd study Latino-cultures, Afro-cultures, Anglo-cultures, Asian-cultures, Aboriginal-cultures, and international relations. And theyd study zoology, anthropology, marriage studies, familial studies, early childhood development, education, and special education. Every possible angle, aspect, inch, and trait of humanity they would study. And soon, after decades of time and billions of hours of research, an impressive body of work started to form. Hypotheses were tested, theories established, and ultimately these social studies codified into official disciplines of academic research. The social scientists were so close to unlocking the secret to utopia they could taste it. They just needed a test subject to prove they were right. A human guinea pig to turn into an ubermensch. Preferably, an entire generation to truly usher in utopia on a nationwide scale, ultimately validating the social sciences, as well as themselves.
Thankfully, this ideal test subject was already in the making and at the ideal time too. By the 1980s the social sciences had evolved into a formalized study just itching for its first legitimate test subject. Also, it really wasnt until the 1980s that significant government money would flood into academia, making these experiments financially possible anyway. But most importantly, by the 1980s the perfect test subject was already being born the echo boom. They were called the echo boom because they were echo babies of their parents the Baby Boomers. Consequently, like the Boomers, they too would become a large, pronounced, and distinguishably different generation from others. But they would also become a social scientists dream-come-true as they would all be born into the same economic, political, and sociological environment.
You combine these four traits:
- a codified, maturing academic study whose theories needed to be tested
- adequate funding
- an entirely distinguishable test-subject generation being born
- all happening at that same time
and you had the perfect storm to finally and conclusively test all of the social sciences. You had the ability to see if the billions of human hours and trillions of government dollars were wasted or invested. You even had the chance to witness the utopia we were promised being born. And the generation that was going to make this all possible, the generation of human test subjects who would usher us into this utopian world would be the echo-boomers.
AKA
the Millennials.
CHAPTER 2 - THE GUINEA PIG GENERATION
Some 30 years later we have our answer to the great experiment. Human nature, with its 100 billion participants, 2 million year track record, and derived conventional wisdom absolutely knows better than the social scientists and their precious social sciences. Matter of fact, not only was nature better, but the social scientists were absolutely, completely wrong about welleverything. Its almost as if they purposely set out to come up with the absolute worst possible advice ever, arguably aiming to destroy humanity rather than deliver it to utopia. And the Millennial generation proves it.