Howard - A Guide to Christian Spiritual Formation: How Scripture, Spirit, Community, and Mission Shape Our Souls

My Personal History of Spiritual Formation

I have been a Christian for forty-five years now, and in those years I have observed my own experience of Christian spiritual formation change. I feel that in some ways I have been transformed by the Spirit and formed through the influence of various agents in my life. But I have also seen my own perspectives about spiritual formation change in dialogue with trends, research, and my own encounters with God. Perhaps it might help if I briefly tell something of that story.

Not long after I was converted to Christ at age fifteen in Spokane, Washingtonit was one of those night-and-day experiencesI somehow knew I needed to change a few things. For example, I felt convicted about my swearing, but it was hard to quit. The habit was ingrained. In the end, I made little marks on my arm when I cursed, and for every mark I would put a certain amount of money in the offering plate at church. It worked. Nothing like a little penance to stimulate the means of grace! I remember being discipled in a small group by a leader of a parachurch high-school ministry. I woke up early in the morning and did my homework for the group. I did extra Bible study and prayer. I remember claiming promises, confessing sins, looking in Scripture for examples to follow, doing lots of witnessing, and talking with my leader about it all. I consider high school to have been a golden season of growth.

When I got to college, I was challenged in new ways. I no longer had the high-school group or the leader to guide me. There were intellectual challenges as well. But I kept up with Bible studies, often with Cheri, a good friend from high school who went to the same college as me (and whom I would marry). I became frustrated at the way some Christians approached spiritual growth, for it seemed like the Christian life was often promoted as a matter of simple actions: receive Christ; study the Bible, resist temptation, and witness; and wait for the second coming. I remember that one day I made an outline of what I called The Doctrine of the Changed Life, with Emphasis on the Word Life . In that outline, I compared what I thought was a shallow approach to the changed lifepredominantly a transformation of the willwith what I thought God was teaching me in Scripture and elsewhere. In my own model, I saw God desire to change my philosophy, my creativity, my relationship with social structures, and so on. It was my first real glimpse into the all things new vision of formation. I began to make serious commitments and to take significant steps to see change in each of these areas of my life. I did not give up Bible study or witnessing. It was just that I felt that God wanted more of me, and I saw more in God and in the gospel.

About two years after finishing college, Cheri and I (now married) moved to Chicago so I could attend seminary. My seminary years developed as a combination of three influences, symbolized by three different locations. There was the seminary itself, a bastion of solid, conservative biblical training. I loved school and grew both intellectually and spiritually through my studies. Then there was our church in inner-city Chicago, where we became acquainted with racial issues, poverty (and poor people), and many exciting and creative ways of living and sharing the gospel with others. And it was largely through this church that we were introduced to the third location: the monastery or retreat center. This retreat center, administered by the Sisters of the Cenacle, was where Cheri and I went once a month during our seminary years for a day of silence and prayer. It was there (and in church) that I became acquainted with a host of new practices and a universe of new literature known as the classics of Christian spirituality. The discovery of new spiritual practices like lectio divina, contemplative prayer, self-examination, and spiritual direction was a delight to my spirit, and for some reason I devoured these practices like a starving man at a smorgasbord. Through the classics of Christian spirituality, I became acquainted with a new set of mentors and models. But my formationand my approach to formationin these years was really developed through the mix of all three: school, inner-city church, and retreat center. I processed all three together in regular meetings with one of my professors from school, who listened graciously and helped me through my identity questions. I remember, at the end of my seminary career, reading through the New Testament with colored pens and highlighting in three colors the passages that addressed the transformation of what I identified as doctrine, devotion, and conduct. I knew I needed to grow in all three.

We returned to Spokane after seminary, and I struggled with learning how to be a father, a business owner, and a pastor. The last one was particularly hard. It is one thing to apply your approach to spiritual formation in your own life. It is quite another to do this for others. By that time, I had a wide view of the aims of formation and a long list of practices that were necessary in order to reach those aims. And I expected near perfection of everyone within my reach, for I had not yet learned that the intention of formation must be accompanied with the wisdom of formation. I had not learned the simple aim of increase. The church I copastored began to fall apart, but God met me when I needed him most and revealed to me my own pharisaism. That trial was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Another piece of my growth in formation during those years in Spokane was a fresh discovery of the role of the Holy Spirit in formation. Needless to say, by the end of those years, I was learning that programs and practices might not be enough for a congregation or for my own life. I needed the Holy Spirit, and through Bible study and paying attention to my experience, I began to sense the Holy Spirits leading in my life. In time I learned something of how to notice the Spirits touch in others as well. We moved to the San Francisco Bay Area so I could work on a PhD in Christian spirituality. While in school, I worked as a house painter for a few years, and eventually I accepted an offer to serve as an associate pastor in a Vineyard church. By then, through the formation of my studies in the wisdom of Christian spirituality, the trials of the previous years, a few practices, and the ministry of the Spirit, I was better prepared for professional ministry. I grew personally in my relationship with God and was able, through exploring formation as a discerning art, to help others grow as well.