Stack - The six laws of approachability: how to break down barriers and get people to like you

SIX LAWS OF APPROACHABILITY:

How to Break Down Barriers and Get People to Like You

This eBook reviews the factors that contribute to yourprofessional image. So, what is image? Webster's Dictionary formallydefines it as, a mental conception held in common by members of a group, andsymbolic of a persons basic attitude and orientation. But I define image asthe picture you project. Its what other people see when they look at you.

Are you approachable? Do people like you? Just as productshave a brand or an image, so do you. When you market your services to others(either as a consultant or employee), you are determining how best tocommunicate your value to internal and external customers, as well as vendorsand colleagues. Marketing yourself involves activities intended to eithercreate or increase your perceived value to your customers.

How do you become moreapproachable and get people to like you more?

These skills dont appear in your job description, but theycertainly play a crucial part in your career. Given two people with equalskills, the one who can handle himself or herself better will get the nod. Knowing what to do, when to do it, and how to do it with style will give you acompetitive edge in your career.

The first law of approachability is to present yourselfpowerfully. Remember the last time you felt like a million bucks? Then thinkabout the service you received that day when you walked into a departmentstore, or the upbeat way that people treated you, or the way that everythingseemed to fall in place for you. You were projecting a confident image tothose around you that you were positive and in control. People around us pickup on the vibes we send out, and respond to them in an equally upbeat way.

Is that level of self-confidence phony? No, to thecontrary, its extremely accurate. You are feeling confident, andeverything about your demeanor communicates those feelings. The same thinghappens when youre feeling glum and moodyyou communicate those feelings aswell.

So whether youre speaking or not, youre projectinginformation to anyone around you. Perception is reality. If someone met youfor the first time and chatted with you for about three minutes, would itsurprise you if they could tell you what kind of music you listen to, thetelevision shows you watch, the type of car you drive, and what you do for aliving? No? Ive tested this theory in seminars many times, and Ive foundthat other people can guess information about complete strangers in a waythats almost uncanny, based simply upon their first impressions.

What would you like other peopleto guess about you?

Youve probably heard that impressions are set in the first10-30 seconds of meeting someone. Psychologists call this the Primacy Effect,and it is very hard to erase. So its important that you make a favorablefirst impression and project yourself powerfully, so that the decisions othersmake about you will also be favorable. Realize that when you step into asituation where no one knows you, they will make decisions about you basedsolely on your appearance and the image youre projecting.

When you meet someone new, youtake an unconscious inventory about that person. Youve probably said things like,Wow, shes a class act! or I dont know why, but I sense that guy has anulterior motive. So follow the first law of approachability and project apowerful, confident image.

Making a good first impression also means that you followcertain expected etiquette. Lets discuss three primary areas of importance toapproachability: handshakes, introductions, and business dress guidelines.

Shaking hands. A firm handshake is one of the mostcritical aspects of making a good first impression. If you do thisincorrectly, its difficult to change someones perception. Your handshakecreates initial trust, credibility, and a lasting impression. Growing up in amilitary family, I was taught from an early age the fine art of shaking hands. Many people missed this basic lesson, and Im still stunned by how manyprofessionals do it incorrectly. Here are some handshaking tips:

Make sure that your hand is wide open, thumb up, and your palmtilted slightly upward (not down toward the floor). People think of kissingthe top of your hand if you reach with your palm down. Think of shooting agun. Dont hold your hand down, hold it up wide open.

Next, you want web-to-web contact on the skin between thethumbs. Dont try to match up palms, because hands are different sizes. Getin there firmly. Dont grab and crush their fingers. Dont offer a limp fishhand. Give it a good web-to-web connection and clasp.

Next, the tension is kind of like picking up a grapefruit, if youthink about that. You dont want to crush their bones, but you also dont wantto offer a little wimpy

clutch. Guys are always afraidof hurting a womans hand, so women, give guys a little extra firmness in yourtension, so you come across powerfully.

How many pumps? ONE. Dont hold onto their hand and keeppumping up and down or cover their hand with yours in a gesture of affection(they may see this as patronizing).

Look for eye color to ensure good eye contact. Looking people inthe eye shows confidence. Listen for their name, repeat it back when you sayyour name, and smile as you shake their hand. A smile shows youre friendlyand happy to have met the person. A tense face always signals to someone thatyoure uptight.

So be careful of your handshake! If youre not sure if youhave a good handshake, go ask your family members, friends, and especiallymembers of different genders to shake hands with you to practice.

Give proper introductions. You want to introduce thesenior person, or client, or honored guest first. Even though humans arentinherently inferior to one other, consider who the superior person in thatrelationship might be, and introduce the inferior TO the superior. Forexample, if youre introducing a junior executive to a senior executive, youalways want to say the name of the important person first to help you. Mrs.Bigshot, Id like to introduce Mr. Up-and-coming, the new VP of Sales. Mr.Up-and-coming, this is Mrs. Bigshot, the COO.

To help you remember the order, figuratively touch theshoulder of the most important person, say his or her name first, and thensymbolically bring up the second person to the other person.

Ms. Client, this is my office manager Jim Bob. Next, saysomething about the person you're introducing. Mr. Bob has been with ourcompany for four years and is the secret to my success. Avoid long storiesabout how you met or the persons background. If you provide all theinformation, the two people dont have a chance to make small talk.

If youre introducing yourself, shake hands, repeat thepersons name, and state yours: Good to meet you, John. Im Laura Stack.

If youre just introducing peersand friends to one another, Bill, this is Andrea.

Andrea, meet Bill, is completelyfine.

Now, if someone replies, How do you do in response to anintroduction, the response is not fine. How do you do is a greeting, not aquestion, so youd want to respond, Im pleased to meet you, or How do youdo. A response isnt actually expected.

Business dress. Your outward appearance and yourdress is an important aspect of your image and approachability. If you wearshorts or jeans or sandals to a business meeting, its inappropriate (even ifthe client says, Feel free to dress casually.). You are representingyourself and your company by how you dress. People pass judgment based on whatthey see and believe to be true about you. Their perceptions can be incorrect,of course, but in most business situations (except possibly high fashion),theres little room for self-expression. Your company is paying you to looklike a manager, or the vice president, or the CEO of your own company.