THINK GOOD AND IT WILL BE GOOD
Copyright 2017 by Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, M.A., L.M.F.T.
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Cover design by Glen M. Edelstein
Book design by Glen M. Edelstein
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing, 2017
ISBN-13: 978-0-692-86836-2
ISBN-10: 0-692-86836-4
CONTENTS
Exercise
This book is dedicated to my dear grandfather,
Mr. Jack Aron zl, who taught me the pathway to
being happy and sharing it with others.
Think Good and It Will Be Good presents a refreshing approach for treating depression, anxiety, and addiction. It offers practical advice and spiritually-based strategies to supplement therapy and maintain positive changes.
It is important to note, however, that Think Good and It Will Be Good is not a replacement for consulting a physician or licensed therapist who can diagnose and treat emotional disorders. If you feel you are suffering from depression, anxiety, or addiction, please visit a licensed professional, or if its an emergency, call 911.
What happens when therapy doesnt work? Over the last few years, I have had the privilege to work with many brave clients for whom the traditional therapeutic methods have brought some improvement in their condition, but not the total relief they hoped for. Searching for new methods of healing for my clients, I discovered I was not the only therapist to recognize this problem.
Evidence continues to accumulate that many people who have anxiety and depression suffer bouts of it all their lives, even after a good response to therapy, writes noted psychologist Dr. Margaret Wehrenberg.
Working with clients over thirty years, Wehrenberg found that depression and anxiety were chronic problems that required a comprehensive approach to address ongoing emotional distress, similar to addiction treatment protocols. In addiction recovery, clients are not left alone to simply meet once-a-week with a therapist for a brief 45-minute session. Instead, therapists provide individualized care and tools (including social support) to cope with unexpected changes, along with a daily program of meditation and spiritual connection , and daily optimistic reminders of the chronicity of their condition and how theyre managing it.
Like Wehrenberg, I have met with many clients suffering from depression and anxiety who felt therapy was unable to fully heal their pain. After years of sitting on the couch, many were still struggling with persistent feelings of worry or sadness. They needed more support than just 45 minutes a week in their psychologists office. The frustration these clients experienced as they tried various therapies, without feeling lasting results, challenged me to create a comprehensive approach toward depression and anxiety.
Inspired by the work of psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, Chasidic teachings, and the most effective methods available in modern psychology, I developed Torah Psychology, a spiritually-based therapy that encourages clients to find meaning, think positively, and create a spiritual framework that inspires optimism, and helps my clients find purpose in their lives. This book includes client experiences that led to Torah Psychology, along with a summary of traditional therapies, scientific research supporting a spiritual approach, and finally, the principles and tools to apply them.
Lets begin with the far-reaching experiences of my clients whose tenacity to face depression and anxiety inspired this journey to integrate therapy with a spiritual path.
SARAHS STORY
When I first met with Sarah, a forty-five-year-old mother of four, she had recently lost both her parents in a car accident. Sarah was struggling with depression and anxiety following this tragic loss. At our first session she described what had happened:
My parents were coming back to the city at the end of a long weekend upstate. They had planned to join us for dinner. I was busy cooking with two of my daughters when I received the devastating call. I felt my body freeze, and I had severe cramps in my stomach and chest as I listened to the terrible news. At that moment, all time had stopped. I had flashbacks of my childhood, my parents faces, and felt the tremendous gap this loss would have on my life.
Since that day, Sarah would break into tears and then have moments of deep silence where she seemed unreachable. Her distress was taking a huge toll on the family. Sarah was overwhelmed by what had occurred, and worried she wouldnt be able to overcome her pain and depression.
Sarah had struggled for years trying to overcome the distance she had felt with her parents since she was a teenager. She shared with me what her profound sadness felt like:
______________________________
All stories in this book are not real cases but composites of many cases. Any resemblance to anyone the reader may know is coincidental.
I thought my life was going pretty well when G-d threw me a tremendous curveball. My mother was killed just when I felt ready to get closer to her. Yet I could never see her again. This was not how life was supposed to be. I descended into a very low mood filled with doubt about my future and hatred toward myself for not having the relationship I wanted with my mother when she was alive.
Sarah felt guilty that she missed the chance to repair her relationship with her mother before she died. Instead, Sarah felt a lack of meaning and was drowning in sorrow day after day. While Sarah had tried therapy in the past, she had only experienced partial relief. Now she was looking for something different that would restore her to herself.
MOSHES STORY
Moshe was a 32-year-old computer programmer who had struggled with depression and anxiety since he was a teenager. Recently, Moshe had become addicted to the Internet and would look at his phone constantly as we spoke in my office. His addiction was also affecting his family life. When he returned home after a long day of work, he would lay in bed and surf the web, causing his wife and children to feel abandoned by him. Moshe had lost a lot of weight suddenly, and his doctor was concerned about the impact depression was having on his health. He had tried working with therapists in the past, but he was still suffering.
Slumped on the couch in my office, Moshe described what it felt like to be depressed:
I feel as though Im living in a dark cloud and there will never be any sunlight. I dont have energy or motivation to feel any happiness. Last week my nephew got married and I couldnt feel anything. I just sat at the wedding staring at people, emotionless. I couldnt smile due to the pain in my stomach. I pretended that I was having a good time to friends and family, but deep down inside I was miserable.