Mark Vroegop - Weep with Me: How Lament Opens a Door for Racial Reconciliation

A book on racial reconciliation authored by a white pastor requires faithful and valiant people behind the scenes. This book would not be possible without a host of people Id like to thank.

Ive dedicated this book to Keith and Yolanda White, two African American church members who consistently model winsome and thoughtful engagement in racial reconciliation at a predominately white church. Their compassion, sacrifice, and perseverance inspire me to follow Jesus more faithfully. I regularly marvel at Gods grace in them.

The leadership team of the Diversity Discipleship Discussion Group of College Park Church helped me lead a church-wide conversation about racial harmony. This ethnically diverse group of leaders has patiently answered my questions, provided insightful thoughts, and lovingly offered critiques when Ive made mistakes. They created a monthly venue as a base camp for our churchs growth in biblical unity. Im thankful for the way God continues to use them in my life and our church.

The elders of College Park Church not only supported my writing but also navigated the messiness that comes with this topic. Their kind encouragement, eager teachability, and thoughtful questions made exploring this conversation possible.

A group of friends made this manuscript better by offering helpful suggestions and critiques: James Miles III, Dustin Crowe, Dale Shaw, Jacki Halderman, Debbie Armbruster, Kris Abdnour, Stephen Lopez, Tim Whitney, Christel Taylor, Kenya Turner, Essence Brown, Isaac Adams, Joe Bartemus, and Jay and Marti Justice.

Thabiti Anyabwile models the kind of gracious clarity I hope to emulate in this book. His willingness to write the foreword and contribute an insightful lament not only provided an authoritative voice in racial harmony but, Im sure, also encouraged other lament writers to add their voices as well.

Im also grateful for the support of a team of literary professionals. Dave DeWit from Crossway once again leveraged his expertise and experience to make this book bettermuch better. Austin Wilson, from Wolgemuth and Associates, guided this book from concept to market. Thom Notaro tirelessly edited my manuscript, making my argument clearer.

Books are not written without enormous sacrifices of time. My wife, Sarah, released me to spend hours wrestling with words. She lovingly endured my verbal processing and joyfully embraced the invasion of another book into our family life. On a series of road trips, she patiently read chapters out loud, providing thoughtful insights and suggestions. Her relentless encouragement buoyed my heart through each stage of writing.

Finally, over a hundred people to date have embraced the risk of a pilgrimage called the Civil Rights Vision Trip. Ive watched with wonder as transformation emerged through weeping with those who weep. The relationships, lament prayers, and new discoveries created a core group of people committed to pursuing biblical unity in diversity. Ive seen reconciliationone person at a time.

The grace and healing of those trips fueled the vision for this book.

Ive witnessed lament open a door. Im praying the door swings wide open.

Dare to Hope Again

I will never forget this awful time....

Yet I still dare to hope.

Lamentations 3:2021 NLT

Brother, Im sorry that happened. It wasnt right. Would you let us pray for you?

Somewhat reluctantly, a white church member named Aaron and a friend walked to the front of the room of a Sunday morning meeting of the Diversity Discipleship Discussion Group (3DG). Two chairs were pulled out. The diverse leadership team of 3DG hugged them. After Aaron and a friend were seated, the leaders laid their hands on them and began to pray.

Aarons journey to that meeting began weeks earlier. He attended our churchs first forum on racial reconciliation. He was deeply troubledeven angry. He fired off a long email to me. We met in my office for a tense meeting.

I learned there was more to Aarons story.

As we talked, I discovered Aaron grew up as a white minority. In his neighborhood and high school, he was regularly singled out, mocked, and even assaulted because he was white. He felt the sting of prejudicial injustice in his most formative years. As he shared his experience, I tried to listen and empathize with his struggle. We discussed a wide range of topics. I attempted to reassure him that our churchs emphasis on racial harmony was rooted in the gospel and the Great Commission. I wasnt sure Aaron was interested in understanding. He was mad. He was hurt.

I closed the meeting by issuing him a challenge: Aaron, I want you to consider attending the Diversity Discipleship Discussion Group. I didnt think he would dare take that step. But he did.

Aaron stood in the 3DG classroom to share his experience. He fully expected to be rejectedagain. When he opened up about the prejudice and unfairness directed at him, his voice cracked. The hatred, pain, and struggle of over a decade rose to the surface.

And thats when it happened.

A minority leader of 3DG empathized with him. He identified with the injustice of Aarons experience. And thats when he said, Would you let us pray for you? The effect was profound. Here is Aaron in his own words:

I cannot describe the change that one interaction brought about in my heart, or how healing it was to have my African American brothers and sisters praying over me. God used those relationships to both expose the raw pain and emotions that I had buried for decades and to replace those pains with love and contentment. Those relationships have made the conversations about racial harmony or ethnic reconciliation not only safe, but positive. Ive grown to truly empathize with the pain my minority brothers and sisters feel, because they in turn have recognized and empathized with mine. Because of what has happened through both the 3DG group and my relationships outside of it, my mind and heart have totally changed.

Aaron left the room a different man. And Im happy to tell you hes not the only one. By Gods grace there are other stories of reconciliation happening in our church. We still have a long way to go, and I know that some people are not supportiveeither in public or in private. But one conversation at a time, God is working.

The key was the grace-filled response by the minority leaders. They modeled Christlikeness. It created the impetus for change in a fellow church member.

I hope youll follow their example.

In order for racial reconciliation to happen in the church, we need Christians who refuse to give up hope. Despite the historical challenges, personal hurts, and slowness of progress, we must persevere with Christlike resolve. In this chapter, I want to encourage youespecially minority believersto keep believing in Gods ability to bring change. I hope to show you how lament can help you in that journey.

Dare to Hope

Jeremiah is often called the weeping prophet. His ministry was marked by a relentless call for the nation of Judah to change its ways. However, the people refused to listen. The consequences were devastating. The clouds of hardship descended on the city of Jerusalem. The armies of Babylon destroyed the temple and humiliated the nation. The situation could not have been much worse. It called for lamentation.

The longest lament in the Bible is the book of Lamentations. It wrestles with the tension of faithful living when life is hard. Lamentations demonstrates how believers find hope when the looming clouds of painful circumstances refuse to leave. And thats why its uniquely helpful.

The apex of the book is the third chapter. The two chapters before and after recount the devastating and ongoing effects of the Babylonian invasion. But Jeremiah refuses to give in to despair. He chooses to believe and live upon Gods grace. Heres what it sounds like in the New Living Translation: