Beth McCord - The Enneagram Type 4: The Romantic Individualist

When our twin girls were small, my husband John and I teamed up to take them to the doctors office for their well-baby checkups. In tiny exam rooms with little more than a board book and some cotton swabs to entertain them, we figured two parents were more likely to keep small children occupied than only one. Eventually the nurse would come in, but no matter how mercifully swift she was, still their faces would wrinkle up in shock when their baby skin was pricked, their eyes reflecting betrayal and disbelief.

But their cries never bothered me in the way they bothered John. While he would tear up, overcome with empathy and sometimes even have to leave the room, I sat quiet with the girls, held them in my lap, knowing their cries would calm down soon enough. Secretly during those doctor visits, I wondered what kind of mother remains unfussed when her children are wailing in pain. What, in fact, is wrong with me?!

Years later, the Enneagram gave me language to answer that question. Because not only is there not something wrong with me, but my ability to bear witness to grief and pain without trying to fix it is not a flaw but a gift. I most closely identify with Type 4. Among the many gifts the Enneagram extends, perhaps the greatest one is how, when looked at through the lens of the gospel, it offers us new stories to tell about ourselves, about others, and about God.

I live in a world full of meaning, connection, and possibility, always paying attention to whats going on beneath the surface of things. I value beauty and wonder, and at my best, I have the ability to take an experience and put it into language the soul can understand, process, and apply. But Im not always at my best. When I forget Gods goodness and full acceptance of me, my tendency is to carry a stubborn belief in the false narrative in my head that Im missing something vital I need for life, that everyone else has that missing piece, and, oh yeah, theyre all in on the joke and Im the punch line. My capacity for shame is vast and boundless.

All my life Ive carried this question: Is it possible to belong without blending in? I long for one and want to avoid the other. But this is a question that keeps me in my false story, and the Enneagram has been an arrow pointing the way out. When circumstances are less than ideal, when all I can see in the world is whats missing, Im learning to let my disappointment lead me to my center in Christ and to allow Him to reframe what sometimes feels like emptiness into sacred space instead.

When talking about the Enneagram, Fil Anderson, a friend and teacher of mine, said these words Ive never forgotten: Its a wild and wonderful thing to bump into someone and realize its you. This is the gift of the Enneagram. My weaknesses arent something I have to try to change, but they can be a starting point for growth. Transformation isnt about changing my personality or becoming someone else, it is about becoming more fully myself as God intended with all the giftedness and nuance of how an Enneagram 4 can reflect the image of God.

And by the way, Type 4s are not as melancholy as the world says we are. It might seem that way from the outside, but what some call sad, we call normal. Our ability to sit with sorrow doesnt seem strange or spectacular to us, it just feels like a normal part of the rhythm of our lives, as regular as running errands or as peanut butter and jelly.

If you identify with Type 4 on the Enneagram, I raise my glass to you. Heres to your capacity to hold all that nuance, the shadows and sorrow alongside the light and the joy. Heres to learning more about your unique place among the mystery and beauty of life in the kingdom of God.

Emily P. Freeman, Wall Street Journal;

Bestselling Author of The Next Right Thing