Helen Allison - Stay, Breathe with Me: The Gift of Compassionate Medicine

Unlike much of medical literature, even in the area of death and dying, this volume by Helen Allison and Irene Allison is written from the heart and speaks to the heart. Therein lies its transformative power. As a former palliative care physician and future dying human, I am profoundly grateful.

Gabor Mat, MD, best-selling author of When The Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

I hope this deeply compassionate, wise and enchanting book will be widely read by those who work in mainstream medicine, and not just palliative care. We forget that suffering is often the cause and not just the result of illness. Palliative care, with its focus on the alleviation of suffering and the healing power of compassion, has so much to teach modern medicine. The best lessons in this wonderful book are the stories of what went wrong: with deep humanity the authors lead us through loss and confusion to places of love, wisdom and healing. So many health professionals need this understanding and healing in their own lives.

Robin Youngson, MD, co-founder of Hearts in Healthcare, author of Time to Care: How to Love your Patients and your Job

It is a privilege to recommend this book to doctors, nurses, social workers, and other practitioners of the healing arts as they try to improve their skills at treating the chronically and terminally ill. Others interested in how best to approach such patients will find it a wonderful read.

Lawrence P. Levitt, MD, Professor of Clinical Medicine, Penn State College of Medicine; Senior Consultant, Neurology Emeritus, Lehigh Valley Hospital; coauthor of Uncommon Wisdom: True Tales of What Our Lives as Doctors Have Taught Us about Love, Faith, and Healing

Beautifully and tenderly written the gentle weaving of these stories reminds us to mix equal parts of technology, love, and compassion throughout our lives to the end for all caregivers, these stories underline the need for technology to be wedded to love and compassion at the end of life.

Carol McVeigh, RN, Palliative Care Nurse, Canada (19432015)

Stay, Breath with Me is a passionate, heartfelt plea for medicine to return to the practice of compassion and empathy. Its an antidote to the over-medicalization of medicine, particularly when it comes to end-of life care. Irene and Helen Allison seek our thoughtful considerationthrough a number of touching case studiesand demonstrate how palliative care can ease dying. This book is an important contribution to the growing discussion on how we die today. I hope its wisdom influences current and future generations of physicians, nurses and caregivers.

Phil Dwyer, author, Conversations On Dying

Compelling reading for families of persons with life-threatening illnesses and their healthcare professionals. Many people back away from living with death as ones constant companion. This book permits us to envision living with dying in a humane, compassionate manner.

Mary Valentich, PhD, Professor Emerita, Faculty of Social Work, University of Calgary, Canada

Helen Allison, a compassionate, caring nurse with a special insight into the feelings of patients in pain and a nurse who must have been loved and respected by patients and peers. This book is a must read for all health care professionals.

Rhoda Anderson, President, Lakes District Unit, Canadian Cancer Society, Hospice Volunteer, Canada

In some ways I know much more than I knew when I first started at St. Pauls Palliative Care Unit, and in other ways there is so much I dont know and dont have the skills or wisdom to address, and those are the issues that you particularly address namely, suffering, the relief of suffering, and meaningmeaning of the illness, and meaning of ones life, particularly if life is seen to be in jeopardy. Your stories/vignettes take us to the places where we feel uncomfortable and where we fear to go, but where we do need to go, particularly if we [are to] do more than just lip service to the concept of true, holistic palliative care.

Millie Cumming-Chalmers, MD, Palliative Care Physician, Canada

Helen Allison, the first palliative care head nurse at St. Boniface in Winnipeg, knows and practices the philosophy that caring endures when curing is no longer possible. Her stories, which are filled with compassion, empathy and wisdom, are heartwarming and instructive.

Sandra Martin, The Long Goodbye columnist, The Globe and Mail, author of A Good Death: Making the Most of our Final Choices

Copyright 2016 by Helen Allison and Irene Allison

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2016
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-63152-062-4
e-ISBN: 978-1-631520-63-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015960992

Cover design by Rebecca Lown
Interior design by Tabitha Lahr

For information, address:
She Writes Press 1563 Solano Ave #546
Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

Music for a while shall all your cares beguile

Henry Purcell (16591695)

Leslies love of music, its meaning, and its enchantment were the essence of her life. International acclaim as a soprano is the gift she leaves behind. Irreversible illness and surgery left her paralyzed and impaired her speech. When professional caregivers drowned her whispering, faltering voice, Leslie suffered disparity and despair. She had lost her sense of self. For there was no narrative, no dialog to relieve the chaos of ungoverned thoughts that occupied her mind.

And yet my daughter grew in stature from the suffering she endured. The music that she loved became the parable, or story, of her journey through illness. She found comfort in the knowledge that music needs no words to inspire courage, joy, and hope. Music is the universal language of the soul, crossing cultural boundaries to reach us all.

So Leslie began to hum. Humming released her from the tyranny of fear, and loss of dignity and self-respect. And oh what joy she knew when she rediscovered her singing voice. The melodic harmony of humming comforted her body, mind, and soul. From behind her illness, the person who was Leslie reemerged.

My daughter never regained her ability to walk. Yet Leslies indomitable spirit survived. Despite her serious illness, she pursued her university studies and obtained her master of arts degree. And, confined to her wheelchair, she performed several concerts for charity. To those in need, Leslies gift of music inspired dignity and hope. Towards the end of Leslies life, Nurse Bonnie gently affirmed, I love it when Leslie hums and sings.

The echo of my daughters voice lives within the pages of this book. She walked the way of those who suffer to offer tender compassion and care.

The humanistic act of caring reveals
that we never outgrow our need for
love and understanding.