Theresa DePasquale - BOSS to BIKINI: The Bikini Boss Complete Transformation Program

CHAPTER 2

Get Out of Your Way

As you were reading chapter 1, you may have wondered why Im talking so much about goals, personal accountability and the like. You deal with all these things at work but how do they affect your fitness? The reason is simple: Fitness is 100 percent mental. Ask any of the top fitness models or professionals you admire and each person will tell you the same thing. IF you cannot get you mind right, you will never get your body right. Period. It takes determination, will power, perseverance, grit, and an unrelenting commitment to consistency to achieve the body and life you desire. You need to be self- aware and always looking to improve. And, most importantly, remain open minded.

I am not going to sugar coat things like other trainers so you think all you have to do is buy a cool outfit and show up at the gym to get results. Screw that! Showing up at the gym is the easy part! Its the other twenty-three hours of the day you need to worry about; thats where youre going to struggle. Fitness is hard. I always joke that its like that one really high maintenance friend who takes a lot of work, drains the crap out of you, and is sometimes really crazybut for some reason you still love that bitch and you always find yourself back for more. You need to be mentally prepared for the work and realize youre going to hit road blocks and obstacles along the way, especially when youre trying to balance 5,467 things at one time. Its inevitable! And here is where most people go wrong: They are prepared for the physical work but disregard the mental work thats required to achieve real success and real LONG-Term results. The biggest obstacle you have to overcome isnt going to be surviving your workout; its not going to be eating healthy, your schedule, your finances or your current fitness level or any other excuse I often hear. All of these things are completely manageable. The biggest, most pernicious obstacle you have to watch out for is the one that you least expect: YOUR MIND.

THE SILENT KILLER

When we are little, our parents tell us we can be anything we want when we grow upastronauts, movie stars, firefighters, heck, even the president! We feel infallible. We let nothing inhibit our beliefs or intentions. We cannot be stopped!

And then we grow up.

Somehow along the path to adulthood we lose a lot of our confidence. We are told that were stupid, cant pay attention, need to try harder and do better. Our ideas get laughed at. We fail, A LOT. Even more, the media barrages us as young girls with images of rail thin models and flawless movie stars on TV. We feel pressure to look like them, and if we dont we feel inferior and unworthy, we create unrealistic expectations in our heads and hold ourselves to these standards, which leads to a snowball effect of low confidence and self-worth.

And for most of us this is it.

These beliefs and thoughts become deeply ingrained into our subconscious where they stay and affect us unknowingly for the rest of our lives. They become the silent killer that extinguishes every fire we have within ourselves to be better and do better; they act as sandbags around our feet, making it almost impossible to get anywhere we are trying to go. They are the sole reason we become our own worst critics. And until this internal dialogue is addressed, you will have a difficult time reaching your full potential in anything.

THE PINK SPONGE

I want you to do the following exercise with me for a minute:

Think about a pink dish sponge. Picture its rectangular shape, its bumpy and soft texture, and its bright pink color. Picture squirting soap on it as you begin to wash all of the dishes in your sink. And just as you begin to pour water on the spongemaking it all sudsy to wash themSTOP.

For the next sixty seconds I want you to totally forget about the pink sponge. Erase it from your mind completely! Impossible, right? No matter how hard you try to ignore or repress it, the thought of the pink sponge keeps creeping back in.

Negative thoughts act much the same way as the lingering impression of the sponge. No matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they become the sneaky little insecurities and fears which hold you back without you even knowing.

If you were lucky when you were growing up, you had parents who helped combat some of this damage by reinforcing your positive attributes and helping you to make sense of it all. However, most of you probably still have some of these negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself deep down inside influencing everything you do and say. In fact, this is the primary reason I was inspired to write this book.

GETTING RID
OF YOUR SPONGE

What does success mean to you? For some, its money or fame; for others, it is achievement. Regardless of your personal definition, becoming successful means reaching your full potential. To do this, people must have a positive inner dialogue and beliefs about themselves and their abilities. Youve probably heard the clich quote, the first step to achieving is believing. In fact, this line is incredibly accurate on all counts. I will say this again: You have to get your mind right. You cannot have negative thoughts buried in your subconscious acting as a pink sponge and absorbing every ounce of positive energy you have. YOU NEED EVERY OUNCE OF THIS ENERGY TO WORK ON YOUR GOALS!

The first step to getting rid of your sponge is first acknowledging its there. You have to become self- aware of your thoughts and actions to learn about yourself and recognize the patterns which hold you back. Now, I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist; however, I have been to a few through the years so I can speak firsthand about how profound the impact of addressing the pink sponge can be on your entire life. It affects everything from your personal relationships, friendships, business, and of course your health and wellness in ways you would never imagine. Although I cant diagnose or prescribe anything, I can tell you about my own experience and some of the things which helped me and a few other very successful people break free of our sponges. It has been, by far, my biggest personal achievement yet.

Growing up, I had been to a few psychiatrists for my attention issues so it wasnt an uncommon thing for me; but it wasnt until my most recent experience with a clinical psychologist where I made HUGE progress in becoming self-aware and breaking free from the confines of my sponge.

I am not going to get into my life-long story (lord knows that would be entertaining lol) but to summarize, some of the things I was dealing with at that time were the need for constant validation from others, self- doubt, feelings of selfishness related to being a busy mom/wife/daughter, marital issues, and more. The list was pretty long now that I think about it. For someone who looked as if she was all put together and had a perfect life on the outside, internally I was dealing with a ton of stress and anxiety which ultimately led me to become very sick and unhappy. It was time for a change.

I was referred to my therapist by a good friend who told me he uses a technique called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and that I should try to talk to him about everything. I went in reluctantly, thinking I was too smart to be helped by some person who thinks he understands everyone. I remember I was very skeptical that these sessions would do anything, and especially annoyed because I didnt really have the time to go to them in the first place. Boy, was I wrong and I am so I thankful I went! It ended up being one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am so grateful that I took my friends advice. More importantly, I was very happy I made the time.