ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The road in writing this book has been long and winding, but the journey has been fruitful and exciting. Like my recovery, I was not alone in writing this book. I had many friends and family supporting me with every word I typed. I was fortunate to have guidance that was backed by love and friendship, without which this book would not have been be possible. I am deeply grateful for each one of you and thank you from the depths of my soul. You all have a piece of my heart.
To Dad, Mom, Peter, Stacey, Stephanie, and Stephen: You have been with me through my pain and suffering and then my rebirth. Thank you for your support, love, and guidance in life, my recovery, and in writing this book. Thanks for always being there every time I turned around. I love you all very much.
To Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn and the rest of the Grze team: Thank you for believing and having faith in me and my journey. You respected my voice and never lost sight of my vision. You enhanced my story with your guidance, wisdom, and knowledge all while holding it close to your heart. You are amazing, loving people and I am honored to call you friends. With much love and respect.
To Bob Bordonaro: You were there for me the day my recovery began (and still are), giving me guidance, hope, and strength. With all the falls my recovery brought, you were always there to pick me up and help me get back on track. With tough love and kind words, you never left my side. Thank you for holding my hand on this journey. With love, I am forever grateful.
To the staff at Walden Behavioral Care, thank you for helping me see me and giving me the strength and guidance to stand on my own. Your care and presence gave me hope and the ability to take that most important first step towards freedom. I will always hold each of you close to my heart. With deep gratitude and love.
To Dr. Suzanne Gleysteen: Your wit, care, and determination in guiding me through this journey to recovery is respected and honored. I am proud to be your patient. Thank you for being there for me way back when and never losing faith in me. Your support and presence means a lot. With love and admiration.
To Thom Rutledge, the man who showed me the truth about Ed and helped me realize I am separate from him, I am strong, and I dont need Ed to live: From the day I met you, my heart told me you were a special manand it was right. You challenged, directed, and respected me throughout my entire journey and because of that, I have found freedom. With deep gratitude, awe, and much love.
To Amy Aubertin: Thank you for teaching me to respect, trust, and love something that was once so dreaded and feared. Thanks to you I am not afraid anymore; food is now my friend. With respect and love.
To Dr. Daniel Mollod: Your attentiveness and care in listening to my prescription concerns brought me to a place where I could accept help in various forms and be okay with it. Thank you for guiding me and giving me the ability to feel and experience all that life has to offer. With love and respect.
To all my reviewers: Thank you for your words of support and encouragement in helping me put my best foot forward. You are appreciated.
To all my friends who listened to me rant day in and day out about this book and who never once told me to shut up! You always told me you were proud! Thank you for standing by me in my time of need, showing me love, and helping guide me in the right direction. I love you all.
AFTERWORD
With life come ups and downs, twists and turns, feelings and stressors, and so much more. How we react and what we do to help us get through it all is key. When we come up against challenges every single day, the only option to keep us safe and on the right path is to follow recovery. In doing so, we remain healthy and strong to continue the fight and win. With recovery we can face anything and conquer all.
Not that long ago, life threw me a devastating curve ball. I was lying in bed, relaxed and cozy, talking with my wife, Rachel, when she informed me she wanted a divorce. Her words ripped open my heart. How can this be happening to me? We have a family and built a life together. In a split second, my life as I knew it had changed forever.
The months that followed were extremely painful and filled with the on-goings of divorce: mediation, the division of assets, selling our home, a court date, and goodbyes. The reality of losing my best friend and confidant, my two dogs, my home, my safety and security, our future hopes and dreams seemed completely unbearable. Every day, I was filled with intense feelings of grief, fear, and hurt.
Yet, despite the fact that I lost many pieces of my life that had made me feel whole, the most important thing I didnt lose was my recovery. I kept it close by my side the entire time. I would often think back to my life with Ed and the old ways I coped and would shudder at the thought. I knew that going down that road again wouldnt take any of the pain awayit would only give me more. So, I focused on my gratitude for what I had accomplished and how far I had come. And no matter how bad it got, I never let go of recovery; during those most difficult times, I held on even tighter.
I continued to follow recovery each day, using a lot of tools in this book to help me through my darkest days. I wasnt going to let anything take all the hard work I had done away from me! I found particular comfort (and said them daily) in a few lines from the song A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans, I know my heart will never be the same, but Im telling myself Ill be ok. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
Life goes on and so does my recovery, because for me it is all a journey, not a destinationand I honor, celebrate, and respect every minute of it. I learn more about myself each day and welcome with open arms every feeling and emotion that goes along with it. I can now say that I am in control of my life; there are no rules, no guilt, no despair or shamejust freedom, honesty, joy, and beauty. I am in control of my reactions, my world, and my destiny. I am finally free; Ed has been silenced.
Recovery can be yours. You have the power of will and the choice to break free. With recovery, it all gets better: You begin to heal from the inside out and truly see who you are without Eds influence.
Remember this: Ed takes and Recovery gives.
My hope for you is that you will find the light that is inside of you and use it to guide your way to freedom. Take what you like from the pages youve read, weave it into your own recovery process, and see what grows. Show Ed that you are the bossand tell him you dont need him any more. Tell Ed No! You can do this. You have the strength. If I can do it, you can too.
Recovery is waiting for you. Reach out, take it by the hand, and see where it leads you. You will be amazed at all the places you will go.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cheryl Kerrigan is an eating disorder survivor, activist, and contributor to multiple eating disorder recovery books. She is on the Leadership Board (and a mentor) of MentorCONNECT, the first global eating disorder mentoring community and also works with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorders recovery retreats. Cheryl brings recovery to life by speaking about her experiences at treatment centers and schools around the country and through her blog at www.getridofed.blogspot.com. She lives in Woburn, Massachusetts.
Learn more at www.tellingedno.com and www.cherylkerrigan.com.
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Telling Ed No! is available through most booksellers or may be ordered directly from the Grze Books website,
