Scott Silverii - Uncuffed: Bulletproofing the Law Enforcement Marriage

Copyright 2019 Dr. Scott & Leah Silverii

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form or by any means without written permission from the publisher, except brief passages for purposes of reviews. For information, contact Blue Marriage, Dallas, Texas 75115

or visit our website at www.bluemarriage.com

Five Stones Press

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Other versions used are

KJVKing James Version. Authorized King James Version.

NIVScripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

99 01 435769 987123 / 001 / 7643222

Printed in the United States of America

We dedicate this labor of love to the spouses of law enforcement. Youre heroes behind the badge, and a fierce community who works hard to keep your LEO in the fight and your family together. Everyones lives are much better for it.

Thank you.

Theres an old saying that goes, Happy wife, happy life. So when my wife, Leah, handed me the invitation to a big-deal writers event, the kind where you have to dress up in a suit and tie and eat hors doeuvres that will never fill you up, I thought of a million excuses as to why we couldnt go, and then I smiled tightly and said, Sure.

Suspicious, I asked, Whos going to be there? And then she said the words I dreaded to hear.

There wont be any cops. Itll be good for you to meet other people.

I wasnt convinced.

As you can imagine, and have probably experienced, it wasnt long until I found myself with my back against the wall, eyeing the crowd as several husbands tried to engage me in conversation. As such things go, they noticed my tattoos and the way I watched the others, and timidly asked what I did for a living. Their eyes lit with excitement and they crowded in a little closer, and then they started asking the questions you and I love to avoid.

I answered questions patiently, my eyes continuing to scan the crowd, until one guy asked what was the toughest part of the job. I made eye contact, and he naturally shrank back a bit. My daughter says sometimes my eyes look dead, but we all know what cop eyes look like. You see them in the mirror every day.

The hardest part of the job is coming up with a daily reason to live, I told him.

There was an awkward silence, and then he chuckled before taking a sip of his drink. The other men shifted from foot to foot nervously. To be fair, it wasnt their fault. Theyd never committed to the oath and the shield, so why would I hold it against them? But he didnt let it rest.

No, really, he said. Whats your real answer? Whats the hardest part of the job?

It was heavy conversation for an event that should have been light and fun, and I really hoped the group of women crowded around my wife were talking about something ridiculous and trivial.

I didnt have to think about my answer. There are times when people are uncomfortable with the truth, and this was one of those times. I explained that Id never be able to unlive what Id seen and done in my career. Not just the violent deaths, but being a witness to the suffering and brutality one human was willing to enact upon another.

The end result after a couple of decades behind the badge, was that the daily trauma made it harder to get up and face more of the sameand the temptation to eat a bullet and be done with it turned from a harmless thought to a real-life option.

No one can kill awkward party conversation like a cop can, so they found their way back to their wives, and hopefully it gave them something to think on next time they were pulled over by a patrolman.

Its a heavy topic, and not one I wouldve admitted to even a few years ago, but Ive reached the point in life where Im healed and I dont care who knows it or knows my struggles. Do you remember how I mentioned that truth often makes people uncomfortable?

Heres the truththeres a reason law enforcement officer (LEO) couples rarely interact with non-LEO couples. You rarely have anything in common, and they dont understand the challenges unique to our world. Im not saying were better, but our relationships are different. Sometimes, very different.

Not only is meshing with non-LEO peers a challenge, but so is finding the help needed when our marriage is in trouble and desperate for rescue. Were notorious for not seeking help. We look at it as a sign of weakness, and when we go on the hunt for advice, we want it to be only what we want to hear.

Heres an uncomfortable truthhelp doesnt make you weak, it makes you healed to fight longer and stronger for what you love most.

When Leah and I married, wed both been divorced and knew the difficulties of blending families. We thought all of our prep time had made us ready to tackle the task.

What Leah didnt know was how tough marrying into a law enforcement life was going to be. In fact, it nearly ended our marriage. We had no one within law enforcement to mentor us, or walk us through the difficulties. And those who did offer their two cents suggested we chalk it up to a loss and move on to the next best thing. Looking back, its only by the grace of God we made it through those dark days.

We wrote Uncuffed specifically for you and your wife. The marriage covenant you swore before God is more important than any oath youve ever taken, but youve got to put on marital Kevlar to bulletproof your marriage. Dont go into the fight of your life without protection.

You made it through the academy, FTO, and in-service trainingsyou can make it through this. Leah and I want to share what weve developed through personal experiences, helping other LEO couples, and mentors who cared enough to tell us the truth.

Your marriage is special, but its under attack. You can grow an incredible relationship if youre willing to set your sights downrange on what matters most, and make your marriage bulletproof. Weve been there, were still there, and weve got your six.

Blue Marriages Matter,

Chief Scott and Leah Silverii