Brady Boyd - Sons and Daughters: Spiritual orphans finding our way home

O ne of my favorite quotes from the old Scottish pastor George MacDonald is this: Because we are the sons of God, we must become the sons of God.

I love this quote because it is both an affirmation and an invitation.

The affirmation is simple and profound: we are the sons and daughters of God. Those of us who have placed our faith in Jesus Christ and welcomed him into our hearts are now and forever will bechildren of our Father God. Oh, may our souls rest in this unchangeable fact: We belong to God; we are family now. And nothing ever can take this away. That is the affirmation, and I feel as if I ought to repeat it to myself every daywrite it on my bathroom mirror, my computer screen, my hand. I am a son of God, I am a son of God, I am a son of God.

Now, the invitation is just as profound, but not nearly so simple: to become a son or daughter. This involves a process that changes the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, the way we relate to God and to our world. We need the invitation because, truth be told, most of us dont live like that. Even though we are sons and daughters, we still perceive ourselves and our lives through a very different set of lenses.

Why, for so many years, would I wake up in the morning with the urgent feeling that, Ive got to get going; Ive got to get on top of things?. I would hit the floor running, and Id run all day long. Even if externally things didnt appear that way, inside, they definitely were. Gotta answer those emails, gotta get that project done. Time with God felt like a luxury, checking in with friends a colossal inconvenience.

Pushing a bit deeper into the truth of it, my basic reaction to disappointment was this: I knew it. A flat tire, a bounced check, a vacation we couldnt take after all I met every disappointment with a posture in my soul that essentially said, I knew it. If I dont make it happen, it isnt going to happen. I cant say that I was expecting blessing; I expected hassles, frustration, distress.

On a relational levelwhich is the truest barometer of how we are living, by the waywhy is it that for too many years it was just too hard for me to make friendships work? I had dozens of acquaintances and colleagues but very few genuine friends. Part of the reason was the drivenness I described above (Ive got to get on top of things). You cant have friends if youre running all the time. But another part of the reason had to do with an emotional detachment I adopted a long time ago, a basic life commitment of, I dont need you. It was a self-protective strategy born out of disappointment and heartache, one which you may have adopted yourself, even if youve never admitted it.

Even years and years into my Christian life, the ways I interpreted an event, a comment, an email, or a setback did not jibe with the settled confidence of a well-loved son but rather reflected the emotional posture of an orphan. Though I am a son of a loving Father, I wasnt really living like one. Not emotionally, not in the way I did life, not in the way I reacted to things.

Thats why I said yes when my friend Brady asked me to write this foreword. People need this book. I need this book. In fact, moments after I received the request, I thought, I need to read this book, not contribute to it. Im still an infant in these matters; the longest strides Ive taken toward sonship have been only in the last six months. But I now see Jesus was in Bradys invitation, just as he is in your choice to pick up this book. He is inviting us to go deeper into becoming a son or daughter. And the invitation is worth saying yes to. Of that much, I am sure.

My father passed away last summer. Though it was a sad moment, it was, frankly, a little anticlimactic. You see, in one sense my father has been dying for the better part of forty years. First it was the alcohol, then the stroke, then cancer. The man had a hard life. As a result, so did I. During those fatherless years, I developed a very independent approach to life. I took on the consciousness I mentioned above: Ive got to get on top of things; if I dont make it happen, it isnt going to happen; I dont need you. The emotional and psychological outlook of an orphan, through and through.

But since Dads passing, something has begun to shift inside.

Maybe it took the stark experience of spreading my fathers ashes in the Snake River to make me face the fact that I am fatherless. Now what will I do? Maybe his passing made room in my soul for the ache for a Father to come to the surface. Maybe it was just the timing of God. For whatever reason, finally I feel like I have accepted the invitation to become a son more sincerely than I ever did before. I would describe it as one of the greatest episodes of my lifeI am finally becoming a son. And with it, all sorts of cool things are happening.

I no longer feel that compelling pressure to get on top of things; I dont live with that awful burden that life is up to me. I wake up in the morning with some breathing room. My friendships feel more spacious, too, like they can go deeper now. And I am actually coming to expect love and blessing from God as the major theme of my life, not just bracing myself for the hassles of an undeniably broken world. Not all the time, not every day, but with greater and greater consistency, my soul feels more at rest these days, and it is changing the way I react to pain, to disappointment, and to loneliness. Wow! I am really becoming a son.

So my prayer for you is simply this: May Jesus open your heart and soul to see the ways you are still living as what Brady calls a spiritual slave or a spiritual orphan; may he help you realize the many ways it is affecting your relationships, your work, your ministry, your life. And may Jesus lead you to the grace of becoming a son or daughter, lead you to the healing love of your Father, give you the grace to accept a whole new way of approaching your life.

You are a child of God; now you get to become one.

John Eldredge