Einzelgänger - Loose: On Letting Stuff Go

Einzelgnger

Loose!

On Letting Stuff Go

Illustrated by Mariyana Nikolova
Edited by Ayesha Ehsan

Copyright 2022 by Einzelgnger

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

ISBN: 9798351290751

Printed by Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing

First print, September 2022

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Contents

Introduction

When my uncle passed away in 2011, his funeral card showed the following quote: True love is letting go ( Echte liefde is loslaten ). Ive pondered over that little sentence for years. My initial interpretation was that true love meant the ability to let go of the deceased, as in my uncle. But how is losing someone to death love? How can it be truer than the love we experience towards the living? It just didnt make sense to me. Later, when I became familiar with Eastern philosophies during my university studies, the connection between love and letting go became clearer to me.

To me, love always had a possessive element to it. Love also included a certain conditionality. Loving someone created expectations. And when these expectations werent met, Id be sad and angry. But above all, loving someone implied attachment. In fact, how I experienced love was attachment (and to an extent, still is). Hence, loving was often passionate but painful, ecstatic but apprehensive. Especially romantic love, which, when I look back at it, was a matter of despair and emotional instability rather than enjoyment. Passionate romance nevertheless remains sought after by many as an ultimate concern a supreme goal to attain, even when it involves so much pain; a pain that I had experienced several times through breakups and unrequited love. Or put more lucidly: through losing or not-attaining what I intensely desired. Luckily, further philosophical inquiry led me to radically change my views about love. I finally began to comprehend the relationship between love and letting go. Furthermore, the painful consequences of attachments, in general, became more apparent; the destructive qualities of strong desires and aversions, the importance we attach to the opinions of others, our worries about the future, and ruminations about the past.

Letting go became a focus during my further development. It started with the realization that I was hopelessly attached. All those fetters that I had been creating for myself had been causing tremendous amounts of hurt. Anxiety, depression, and anger were my default state. The teachings of Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher from ancient Greece, have been playing a major role in the process of loosening my unhealthy attachments to the outside world admittingly, Im not a Stoic sage, but there has been an improvement. Epictetus pointed out that if we tie ourselves to external circumstances, these very circumstances control us as puppet masters. When fate gives us what we want, were elated. When it gives us what we dont want, were in distress. But when the strings are loose, or even absent, then the fickle outside world hardly moves us. And the less were moved by circumstances, the less power the puppet masters have, and the more tranquil we are in the face of destiny.

Why true love is letting go? Because its permitting the world to be free. By letting go we make peace with fate; were okay with people having different opinions, the uncertainty of the future, the dreadfulness of the past, and the impermanence of everything. If we hold on to the world, we try to bend it to our will and seek to control it, which is impossible and not very loving. But if we let go of the world, we accept it as it is; even if that means we lose the world. And yes, we may indeed lose the world, but in return, we gain the gift of being content without it. Im not sure if my relatives had this elaboration of letting go in mind when they created my uncles funeral cards, but its a personal interpretation that makes sense to me and fits the theme of this selection of writings.

This book isnt for ascetics or people who search to attain enlightenment of some sort. It doesnt promote any specific spiritual path or a fortunate afterlife, nor does it promise complete detachment from the outside world. There isnt a specific goal. However, it might encourage the reader to reflect on the many worldly things we needlessly cling to. How do these attachments take shape? What are the consequences? And what can we do about them? The collected works found in Loose reflect the open-mindedness of the Einzelgnger YouTube channel, as there are many different perspectives, ideas, and topics to explore: from rejecting the bondage of perfectionism to exploring the benefits of celibacy, letting go of an ex-lover, and appreciating simplicity over the accumulation of material objects.

As with the previous book, Stoicism for Inner Peace , youre about to read a collection of essays that I originally published in video format, but decided to bundle into a book after a careful revision. Stoicism for Inner Peace was a pretty concise collection of short works on Stoic philosophy. In comparison, this book is a bit scattered, as it contains the influences from many schools of thought, and explores subjects that arent necessarily connected: from sex to minimalism. However, the underlying theme of not grasping, not holding on, acceptance, and letting go binds these texts together. As a whole, its a countermovement or even better: a rebellion against a society obsessed with accomplishment and prestige, that celebrates toxic passionate love and unhealthy attachment, and favors greed over contentment. Hopefully, the following ruminations inspire the reader to unfasten the reins a little bit.

Kind regards,

Einzelgnger

Rejection

Living in absolute poverty, the great cynic philosopher Diogenes slept in public places and begged for food. One day, he begged in front of a statue. When someone asked him why he did so, Diogenes answered: to get practice in being refused. For a beggar, being denied food is part of his existence. And even though this experience can be painful, he'll starve if he doesnt face it. But if he trains himself to become indifferent towards it, hell have no problem asking people for food and might even get it.

Similarly, many people fear being rejected because they experience it as painful. As a result, they avoid situations in which they could be rejected. And so, they rather not apply for jobs that might be out of their league, avoid asking out a romantic interest when theres a possibility of refusal (which is always the case), and never ask friends to hang out as they might turn down the offer. But when we fear rejection, what do we fear? Is it the disapproval from other people? And if so, why do we care so much about that? Or could it be that we fear the idea of being inadequate?