Charles F. Stanley - Emotions: Confront the Lies. Conquer with Truth.

Standing Strong

Wisdom from Above

Courageous Faith

Waiting on God

Prayer: The Ultimate Conversation

Turning the Tide

Surviving in an Angry World

I M SO CONFUSED. WHY WOULD God allow this to happen? Doesnt He care about me?

Sometimes Im completely paralyzed by the thought that people will find out Im a fraud. And when I consider the future, I am absolutely filled with dread.

I feel so... trapped. I just dont see a way out of all these problems. Why doesnt God help me?

Things are so bad right now I dont have the energy to go on. I just want to disappear.

I feel so alone. No one really loves or understands me. And really, why should they? Im not so sure I like myself.

I know God forgives me, but after what Ive done, I just cant forgive myself.

* * *

As a pastor for more than five decades, Ive heard devastating statements like these repeatedlythe pain of people overwhelmed by deep emotional wounds. We cannot deny it emotions are powerful . We cannot see, taste, or touch them, but we are constantly affected by their forceful presence and the incredible influence they have over us. They are able to alter how we view our day, other people, and even the major events of our lives.

Through our feelings, we have the ability to enjoy amazing triumphs and experience deep fulfillment. In fact, some of the greatest accomplishments in history were fueled by the love, enthusiasm, and compassion of the people who achieved them.

On the other hand, negative emotions left unchecked can lead us to some of the worst tragedies. Greed, pride, envy, fear, and hatred have destroyed lives and brought down empires.

God created you and me with the capacity to experience the full gamut of emotions so we could enjoy life, share our inner being with others, and reflect His image. They were given to us as a gift so we could interact meaningfully with our heavenly Father and the people we know. However, in this fallen world, our feelings have become a mixed blessing. The same capacity that allows us to experience intense, overflowing joy is also the gateway to sorrow so deep and overwhelming that, like Job, we may wish we had never been born (Job 3:3).

Perhaps you have picked up this book because you have seen this in your own life or in the lives of those you love. You have witnessed a pendulum of emotionhighs so great and lows so extreme that you cannot help but question what is going on.

It could also be that you know people who seem to live in abiding peace and contentment, regardless of what they experience. Truly, The joy of the L ORD is [their] strength (Neh. 8:10). You wonder if you could ever attain such emotional stability and satisfaction.

Its possible that you arent quite sure whats going on inside of you, and youre just seeking answers. Throughout the years, people have often come to me saying, Dr. Stanley, I know something isnt quite right, but I cant put my finger on it. I suspect most people have felt this way from time to time. They cannot pinpoint or define their problem, but they feel one exists nonetheless and long to get to the root of it.

Or maybe there is a pervasive agitation that lingers just below the surface of your emotions at all times and for whatever reason it just doesnt go away. Without much warning, your distress springs up and you respond with such intensity that it shocks you and those with whom youre interacting. You never know when this underlying current of anxiety, bitterness, guilt, insecurity, anger, lonelinessor any other destructive feelingwill rear its ugly head and leave destruction in its path. Even worse, you dont understand how to take control of or get rid of it. No doubt, somewhere within you there is a genuine desire to be free of this tyrannical and unpredictable ache in your soul. After all, no one likes to feel bad all the time.

* * *

Our emotionsespecially the most damaging of themcan become a dominating force within us if we do not get a hold of them. Of course, most of us like to think that our feelings do not control us. But if were managing them with anything other than the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the principles of Gods Word, we will find it quite difficult to govern how they affect us when the storms of life arise. Given the right combination of circumstances and stressors, our emotions have the potential to motivate us to act recklessly and can also paralyze us from doing what is necessary.

So from the beginning, we see two important dimensions at work in our inmost being:

First, we have an incredible driving force within us that is not easily tamed.

Second, our feelings have a full range of expression: from peace, love, and joy to anxiety, hostility, and despair. From the passions that make life exciting and worth living to those which leave us desolatewondering how we can go on.

With these in mind, we may wonder, Can we heal and harness our emotionstaking control of this powerful influence within us? And can we choose to express the positive, life-enhancing emotions rather than the destructive ones?

I recall a lady at one of the churches I pastored who struggled with uncontrolled emotions. She invariably wore her feelings on her sleeve. She was easily offended, often consumed with anger, and frequently grieved over the ways she had been mistreated. Sadly, she had no idea of how this was ruining her life and affecting those around her. She was unaware that she had a choice in the matter.

I can still remember the day I went to lunch with her husband and he expressed his brokenness over their strained marriage. Its exhausting, he confided wearily.

What happened? I asked.

Nothing unusual, he said. Its the norm, actually. But some days, I just find it so draining. I never know which version of my wife Ill find when I go to the breakfast table in the morning or what drama will be waiting for me when I get home from work at night. Some evenings, as I reach out to take the doorknob, I just pray, God, please give me the strength to face whatever is on the other side of this door. I dread the emotional firestorm that awaits me. Sometimes she is happyeven giddy with good news, and thats great. But more often than not, she is sad to the point of tears or so extremely angry that she throws the dishes. I never know what to expect. Its as if she is on a roller coaster that never ends. And unfortunately, Im along for the ride whether I like it or not. Its exhausting.

I had no doubt it was an extremely difficult way to live. How do you deal with this? I asked.

He replied, I try not to say anything. I avoid reacting or responding to what she does because I dont want to aggravate her in any way. I do everything I can to evade becoming the object of her sadness or anger. Its just survival, really.

What a tragedy. Instead of enjoying the wonderful gift of marriage they had been given, this couple was caught in a destructive cycle of outburst and avoidance. The more she would attempt to provoke a response from her husband through her emotional outbursts, the more he would avoid her. And the more he tried to pacify his wifes pain by not engaging with her, the more explosive her responses to him became.

Though both were certainly responsible for some bad decisions, I was always struck by the intense anger and rejection that characterized her interactions with others, which is why I focus on her behavior here. These destructive emotions created a constant tension within hershe was continually plagued with anxiety and suspicion toward those around her. Worst of all, she refused to forgive those who wronged her. If something triggered those old hurts in her memory, she could recall and rekindle intense emotions she had experienced years before within seconds.