Leonard Sweet - 11: Indispensable Relationships You Cant Be Without

11
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Material excerpted from I Will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova 2000 with
permission of Conari Press, imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, Newburyport, MA, and
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Mark Van Doren by James Worley. Copyright 1979 by the Christian Century. Reprinted by permission from the October 17, 1979, issue of the Christian Century. Subscriptions: $49/yr. from P.O. Box 1941, Marion, OH 43306. (800) 208-4097.

LCCN 2008920365

Hardcover ISBN 978-1-4347-9983-8
International Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-4347-9981-4
eISBN 978-1-4347-6651-9

2008 Leonard Sweet

Published in association with the literary agency of
Mark Sweeney & Associates, Bonita Springs, Florida 34135

The Team: Don Pape, John Blase, Theresa With, Jack Campbell, and Karen Athen
Cover Design: Christopher Tobias

First Edition 2008

To Jules Glanzer
with gratitude for your manifold Withness

Acknowledgments

Two of the most prominent women writers of the nineteenth century, Harriet Beecher Stowe and George Eliot, became friends after Stowe let Eliot know how much she loved Silas Marner (1861). In an 1869 letter to George Eliot, Stowe offered this marvelous metaphor for why authors write: A book is a hand stretched forth in the dark passage of life to see if there is another hand to meet it.

As many times have I stretched my hands into the dark, more hands have gone with mine this time than any other. My wife, Elizabeth, most often stretches my palms in directions they dont wish to go, but Ive learned to trust her night vision. Other writers have offered kindred hands and kindred minds by reading the manuscript in its various stages. I especially want to thank Peter Walker (George Fox University) and Michael Oliver (Drew University), two colleagues who kept me from just talking shop and preaching to the converted.

If it had not been for the insistence of Lori Haynes Niles, the editor of the wonderful book Bold Bible Kids (Group, 1999), I might not have included a chapter on children. Once I wrote about Rhoda, whom Niles calls Gods Pray-and-Tell Servant, I couldnt imagine ever not considering this Withness. John Blase was assigned the great and grating task of editing this bookin the course of which he must have functioned as each one of my 11 Withnesses at least once. In this very antisocial activity of writing and reading, John has been a social lifeline.

There has been little interest in friendship in the history of Christendom. The move from philia to agape in the Christian tradition was so dramatic that philia was almost left behind. A book on friendship now means, quite often, a collection of little sayings, attractively illustrated, meant as a gift, and sold in a drugstore is how Gilbert Meilaender puts it. About the only forms of relationships that have received sustained theological reflection in Christian literature are the two missing from this book: the erotic dimensions of relationships and marriage.

I have two heroes in footnoting: Betty OBrien, who refuses to let my quotes go to press without signing off with a good-as-gold authentic at the end of each footnote: (bao). My second hero in footnoting is John Aubrey, one of the few biographers of the seventeenth century who attended to details in those he was writing about: how they looked, what foods they liked, what personality traits they displayed, etc. Plus he was one of the first to be scrupulous about his sources. He told one anecdote about John Denham mischievously painting out London shop signs and noted: This I had from R. Escott, esq., that carried the inke-pott. John Aubreys spirit still lives in Betty OBriens bao ink-spot.

In a culture where the commodification of relationships is so severe that we have disposable kinfolk, it may come as somewhat of a surprise that good relationships are key to a healthy, happy life. This book was written because of the need for more specificity in what kinds of good relationships keep us from not needing a therapist. Two colleagues in particular, Carl Savage from Drew and Loren Kerns from GFU, have kept me off couches every week. And Mark Sweeney, the best agent any writer could wish, is the closest thing to a therapist Ive ever had.

My sonnets are not generally finished till I see them again after forgetting them. So wrote Dante Gabriel Rossetti in 1854. The following doctoral students helped me see this manuscript afresh after forgetting it: Sarah Baldwin, Michael Berry, William Alexander (Alex) Bryan, Robert Cannon, James Carlson, James Caruso, Randall Davis, Joel Dietrich, Dan Kimball, John King, Stephen Lewis, Michael Newton, David Phillips, James Regehr, Karen Renner, Stephen Sherwood, Artie Sposaro, Daniel Steigerwald, John Stumbo, Terry Swenson, Jon Talbert. I feel honored to be studying with each and every one of them and wish more criticism came my way with such admirable amenity.

Many other hands have come together and clasped mine in the dark passages of this bookmaking. I am grateful for each and every one, especially one of my 11 Withnesses, Jules Glanzer, the new president of Tabor University, to whom I dedicate this book.

Leonard Sweet

Thanksgiving Eve, 2007

Contents

You Need an Editor

You Need a True Friend

You Need a Butt-Kicker

You Need a Protg

You Need an Encourager

You Need a Yoda

You Need a Back-Coverer

You Need a Reject

You Need a Little One

You Need a Lydia and Lazarus, Rich and Poor

You Need a Place

You Need the Paraclete

Introduction

...

In the beginning is relation.
Martin Buber

...

Rusty: Youd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.

Danny: Like what, do you think?

Rusty: Off the top of my head, Id say youre looking at a Boesky, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros, and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever!

Oceans Eleven

Oceans ???

As good-looking and savvy as George Clooney is, one of his recent movie offerings emphasized his need for help. In 2001, director Steven Soderberghs Oceans Eleven gave us a visual reminder that if its going to get done, its going to take more than just one. Clooney (the idea man) needed Brad Pitt (the pro), Matt Damon (the rookie), Andy Garcia (the target), and even Julia Roberts (the wild card). Reunions in 2004 and 2007 with Oceans Twelve and Oceans Thirteen brought the gang back together, with a couple of new faces, to drive the message home once more: You need others to get the job done. And its also a lot more fun that way. Thats what this book is aboutyou need others to get where youre going. And they make the ride a lot more fun as well.

Journey or Destination?

Life is a journey of journeys. Each one of us is on multiple journeys at the same time, some short, some long (some have dubbed marriage the longest journey), Other times, to get where we are called to go, we follow detours we would rather not take. Sometimes, as Homer, Augustine, Dante, and Freud all realized, we get lost in order to find ourselves. And other times, we go on pilgrimages to lose our way.