Susan Jeffers - Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway: Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love

For the wonderful gifts of life and love, I dedicate this book to the loving memory of my mother, Jeanne, and my father, Leon.

I also dedicate this book to my jewel of a husband, Mark Shelmerdine, who brings so much love and joy into my life. I am truly blessed.

W hat is it for you?

Fear of...

public speaking

asserting yourself

making decisions

intimacy

becoming a parent

not becoming a parent

changing jobs

being alone

being with people

aging

driving

following your dream

losing a loved one

ending a relationship?

Is it some of the above? All of the above? Perhaps you could add a few more to the list. Never mind... join the crowd! Fear seems to be epidemic in our society. We fear beginnings; we fear endings. We fear changing; we fear staying stuck. We fear success; we fear failure. We fear living; we fear dying.

Whatever the fear, this book will give you the insight and tools to vastly improve your ability to handle any given situation. You will move from a place of pain, paralysis, and depression (feelings that often accompany fear) to one of power, energy, and excitement.

You may be surprised and encouraged to learn that while inability to deal with fear may look and feel like a psychological problem, in most cases it isnt. I believe it is primarily an educational problem, and that by reeducating the mind, you can accept fear as simply a fact of life rather than a barrier to success. (This should be a relief to all of you out there who have been wondering, Whats wrong with me?)

My conviction that fear can be dealt with through reeducation came about through my own experiences. When I was younger, I was always run by fear, so it wasnt surprising that for years I hung on to many things in my life that clearly were not working for me.

Part of my problem was the nonstop little voice inside my head that kept telling me, YOUD BETTER NOT CHANGE YOUR SITUATION. THERES NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE FOR YOU. YOULL NEVER MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN. You know the voice Im talking aboutthe one that keeps reminding you, DONT TAKE A CHANCE, YOU MIGHT MAKE A MISTAKE. BOY, WILL YOU BE SORRY !

My fear never seemed to abate, and I didnt have a moments peace. Even my doctorate in psychology didnt seem to do me much good. Then one day, as I was dressing for work, I reached the turning point. I happened to glance in the mirror, and I saw an all-too-familiar sighteyes red and puffy from tears of self-pity. Suddenly rage welled up inside me, and I began shouting at my reflection, ENOUGH... ENOUGH... ENOUGH ! I shouted until I had no more energy (or voice) left.

When I stopped, I felt a strange and wonderful sense of relief and calm I had never felt before. Without realizing it at the time, I had gotten in touch with a very powerful part of myself that before that moment I hadnt even known existed. I took another long look in the mirror and smiled as I nodded my head YES ... YES ! The old familiar voice of doom and gloom was drowned out, at least temporarily, and a new voice had come to the foreone that spoke of strength and love and joy and all good things. At that moment I knew I was not going to let fear get the best of me. I would find a way to rid myself of the negativism that prevailed in my life. Thus, my odyssey began.

An ancient sage once said, When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The student was ready, and teachers appeared from all over the place. I began to read, attend workshops, and talk to as many people as would listen. Diligently following every suggestion and lead, I unlearned the thinking that had been keeping me a prisoner of my own insecurities. I began to see the world as a less threatening and more joyous place; I started to see myself as someone who had purpose; and I experienced the meaning of love for the first time in my life.

At this point I began to notice many other people struggling with the same barriers I had finally learned to push throughthe main barrier being fear. How could I help them? Realizing that the processes that had transformed my life were educational in nature, I was convinced that the same techniques I had used could be taught to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. I was able to test my theory in the real world by teaching a course at the New School, in New York City. Called Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway, the course was described as follows:

Whenever we take a chance and enter unfamiliar territory or put ourselves into the world in a new way, we experience fear. Very often this fear keeps us from moving ahead with our lives. The trick is to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY . Together we will explore the barriers that keep us from experiencing life the way we want to live it. So many of us short-circuit our living by choosing the path that is the most comfortable. Through readings, class discussions, and interesting exercises we will learn to identify our excuses for staying stuck and develop the techniques for taking control of our own lives.

My experiment with taking the concept of fear out of the realm of therapy and placing it in the area of education was extremely successful. My students were amazed at how shifting their thinking magically reshaped their lives. The concepts worked for them as they had worked for me. And, not surprisingly, my students also became my teachers. They reaffirmed and added to my fund of knowledge as I listened carefully to their wisdom.

Those of you who are reading this book have acknowledged that wherever you are in life at this moment is not exactly the place you want to be. Something needs changing, and until now you havent been able to take the steps to change it. By reading these words, I know that whatever your circumstances, you are ready to start taking charge of your life.

Im not promising that change is easy. It takes courage to mold your life the way you want it to be. There are all sorts of real and imagined obstacles that get in the way. They need not deter you. In your journey through this book you will become familiar with many concepts, exercises, and other devices to help you unravel the complexities of fear... and thus help you deal with it. You will learn:

how it can be impossible to make a mistake or a wrong decision

how to let go of negative programming

how it is impossible to be taken advantage of

how to say yes to all circumstances in your life

how to raise your level of self-esteem

how to become more mindful

how to become more assertive

how to connect with the powerhouse within

how to create more love, trust, and satisfaction

how to deal with resistance from significant others as you take more control of your life

how to experience more enjoyment

how to make your dreams become a reality

how to see yourself as having purpose and meaning.

As you read the book, in whichever format you choose, highlight or underline those sections of the book that speak to you, so that later you can easily find critical passages to help you face new situations in life. It takes a lot of reinforcement to incorporate new concepts into your behavior, so commit yourself to doing the exercises. The amount of improvement you experience will depend on how much you are willing to participate actively. Also, the more you get involved, the more fun you will have. You will be surprised and pleased at the amount of satisfaction that comes as you take each little step forward.

No matter what degree of insecurity you are feeling, a part of you knows there is a lot of wonderful stuff within you just waiting to be let out and NOW is the ideal time for opening the door to the power and love within.