CONTENTS
ABOUT THE BOOK
Have you ever wondered where comedians come from? Why is it that one person is a funny bloke down the pub while another actually makes a living by standing up in front of an audience telling jokes? And where does all that material come from? Well, young Lee McKillop used to wonder that too.
Growing up in his parents pub, small and wiry in a world of bigger and chunkier specimens, Lee quickly learned that cracking jokes was a way to get attention. After a somewhat random series of jobs, which included being Red Rums stableboy and a bingo-hall barman, it was as a Great Yarmouth holiday camp entertainer that he had his first crack at telling jokes on stage. It got him some laughs, the sack and a punch in the face.*
Now, as Lee Mack, hes one of our best loved and most successful comedians, both as a live stand-up and on television. In Mack the Life, Lee tells the story of how he got there and gives extraordinary insight into what really makes comics tick. Hilarious and brilliant, its the kind of book which reminds you why you learned to read in the first place.
*Nearly.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
BAFTA-award-winning Lee Mack is one of the UKs most recognizable and celebrated comedians. He writes and stars in his own multi-award-winning sitcom Not Going Out, is a team captain on Would I Lie to You?, and frequently appears on Have I Got News for You, Live at the Apollo and QI. He has performed many stand-up tours across the country, and has released two stand-up DVDs, Lee Mack Live and Lee Mack Going Out.
Lee lives in London with his wife, Tara, and their three children.
MACK THE LIFE
LEE MACK
For Tara, Arlo, Louie and Millie x
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thanks to Doug Young, Madeline Toy and everyone at Transworld, and to Rob Aslett, Alice Russell, Lucy Plosker and everyone at Avalon. Oh yeah, and to Granddad Joe as well, who, for some inexplicable reason, didnt get a mention in the book, even though he was always the head honcho. And finally, thanks to the person who invented Tunnocks Caramel Wafers.
The visits to the psychiatrist in this book are genuine. Some scenes have been edited for the sake of brevity, but other than that are taken directly from recordings of the actual conversations. Having said that, the rest of this book is totally fabricated.*
*Joke.
PSYCHIATRISTS OFFICE
Lee is sat talking to a woman. Having finished his autobiography he has had the idea to ask a psychiatrist to read it, then meet with Lee and analyse him, to see if she can offer up any thoughts about what makes him tick. |
BRIAN: | You do realize that if I agree to do this, that we cant really class it as psychiatry, dont you? |
LEE: | Why? |
BRIAN: | Because this is not really how psychiatry is done. |
LEE: | Thats fine, it doesnt have to be actual psychiatry. As long as you prod me a bit. Not literally. Lee is worried. Will his last comment be read as overly sexual, even though it was just a joke? |
BRIAN: | Well, if it doesnt have to be psychiatry why choose a psychiatrist? |
LEE: | Well, because I did a random search on Google Lee pauses. He thinks about cracking a joke about usually using Google for other things, i.e. porn, but decides not to as she might think that the joke is to mask the truth. She might think hedoesuse Google to search for porn, especially after the prodding joke. |
LEE: | and I had three choices: psychiatrist, psychotherapist and psychologist Lee realizes his mistake. He hasnt got three choices. He only has one choice. He has threeoptions.He is about to correct himself, then realizes she will not be judging him on his grasp of the English language. She will be judging him on his use of sexual jokes about prodding and excessive searching for porn on the internet. |
LEE: | and, not knowing anything about this field, I figured a psychiatrist was the most qualified. Psychologists sound like theyre only used for catching serial killers, and as for psychotherapy, that sounds a bit too much like anyone can do that, even if youre not properly qualified. Any old person can claim to be one of those people, I bet. Lee panics. What if she is also a psychotherapist. He is annoyed with himself. He only said this because he was trying to ingratiate himself with her, assuming that there was probably rivalry between these factions. Lee is convinced he has said the wrong thing. He wouldnt mind but its not even his opinion, its the opinion businessman Sir Alan Sugar gave to psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson when Lee did The Graham Norton Show with them both. In fact, at the time, Lee defended the honour of Pamela Stephenson on the subject. After Sir Alan Sugar had claimed anyone can buy headed notepaper and call themselves a psychotherapist, Lee had butted in and said No, Sir Alan, its not everyone that can buy a title. This had got a laugh and a round of applause at the time (but was annoyingly edited out due to not wanting to upset Sir Alan). |
LEE: | (trying to be light-hearted) Please tell me youre not also a psychotherapist. |
BRIAN: | Well you can be both. Brian doesnt let on if she is both. Lee doesnt push it any further and decides to just get paranoid instead. |
BRIAN: | Wont it be hard to distil these one-hour sessions into a two- or three-page script? |
LEE: | Dont worry. Ill edit it down to the highlights. I might even use it as an opportunity to crowbar in some anecdote that happened on a chat show, but then subsequently got edited out. So, will you do it? |
BRIAN: | OK. Lee is pleased she has agreed. |
BRIAN: | But Id rather remain anonymous if thats OK. |
LEE: | No problem. I wont mention your real name, Ill just call you Brian. Lee goes to exit. |
BRIAN: | By the way, Im a cousin of Jedward. Lee is unsure why he is being told this, but likes this odd fact and decides he will include it in the book. Even though that surely means her anonymity is blown. Unless of course Jedward have loads of cousins that are psychiatrists. |
CHAPTER ONE
My great-grandfather was a transvestite
WHEN I READ other peoples autobiographies I am often a little disappointed at the start. Do we really need to have three chapters on their parents, or in some cases grandparents? The first hundred pages always seem to be about how their granddad, a South American immigrant, was smuggled aboard a cargo ship to Britain to escape certain execution at home for his strong political beliefs, and Im always left with a sense of this is all fine, but when are you going to get to the really weighty stuff, like the time you got hammered with Kerry Katona?
But Im also very aware that to some a persons roots are interesting because it may give clues as to how you ended up doing what you do, which, lets face it, is probably what most people are waiting to find out at the start of an autobiography. So lets get that out of the way, and then I can tell you about the time I got hammered with Kerry Katona, who Ive never actually met.
First things first, I dont really come from a showbiz family. I say really because my great-grandfather, who I never knew, was a variety hall comedian by the name of Billy Mac. Youll notice the lack of k at the end of his name, which his son, my Granddad Jack, was not happy about when I failed to do the same . In fact when my mum sent him my first publicity photo he immediately Tippexed the k off Mack to show me how much better it looked without it, and sent it straight back. I immediately wrote back saying Thanks Granddad Jac (sic).
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